If a Man Wants You

something I found in passing...


If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that’s not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t "be friends."

A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.

Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don’t stay because you think "it will get better." You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.

Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.

He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else’s man.

Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you.

All men are not dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...There is nothing cute about baggage.

Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to complete you. A relationship consists of two whole individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary.

Dating is fun; even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes. When a man always knows where you are, and you’re always readily available to him — he takes it for granted.

Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.



Share this with other ladies.
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You’ll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, and an entire lifetime to forget them.

Via here.

RBG PSA

We interrupt this blog gap to bring you this RBG Public Service Announcement:

Ladies, if he omits the little things because he don't wanna hear your mouth... the big things don't stand a f*ckin chance. In his head, you're not his wife. You're not even his best friend.

Real talk.

The Lie of Omission:

A lie of omission is to remain silent when ethical behavior calls for one to speak up. A lie of omission is a method of deception and duplicity that uses the technique of simply remaining silent when speaking the truth would significantly alter the other person's capacity to make an informed decision.

Word.

This LIFE....is what you make it.

RBG Note: This is a blog originally started on March 21... and never finished or posted. It infuses stories from about 3 other unfinished pieces since then (see ya'll, I am often compelled to write, I just don't finish most of the time).

As I sat down at my uncle's 60th birthday celebration, Future by my side I smiled and began to think THIS is the year my life begins to change. For the better. I felt it then. I feel it today. Every day I'm smiling (with the exception of these last couple depressed weeks). I don't take the non-serious things as serious. I am finding fulfillment in everything around me and if there IS none, I'm deading the situation and placing myself in a better one. I am claiming the happiness I want and taking it for myself. Speaking up for it, fighting for it if I must. Showing the problems, the Devil, my adversity who's boss. I finally feel GROWN.

Don't get me wrong, I have always been full grown, but now that I understand how to BE grown, it's like the newest level of grown there is. And I adore it. While going to drop off my truck in the body shop a couple weeks back an old familiar tune played through my speakers. Oh how I miss Dave Hollister. His lil deep hood tunes that I couldn't really connect with so much then, I feel to my core now. I understand what he was singing about...

"Seeing you reminds me of, all the nights I useta beat it up...I would do it again, but I can't. See everything is different now, I done finally settled down.. I became a one-woman man." ~D. Hollister

There comes a time in every relationship where the people who comprise it want to do right and be right within that relationship........... right? I realize we have different experiences with every person... well I have finally accepted that now... after a conversation with my dear friend and Frat brother. We were talking about exes and I asked did he think it would be DIFFICULT to let go of an ex you had such an extensive of a history when you have such a positive future in your presence.

“That is what makes it difficult to completely release people you truly have loved because there is a small list of things that only that person can really do well for you no matter what anyone else does. And nobody on earth will ever understand it except you and that person…” ~Blue

I have spent my adult dating life trying to be everything for the man I'm with... and I realized today that's not gonna happen. I must accept that my Future is going to have memories of past... as am I... especially if there's a child involved but more so when you were in love.... like really in love... it may be harder to let go than we like to put on or admit. But I'm glad to be at D. Hollister status.... where a person can remind us of good times but we remember what we have at home... and how we want to build on that before we text back, flirt back, call or fuck.. when do we get to THAT level? What we gotta do to STAY there?

Cause um grown... I ain't letting NOBODY mess this life up. You either in it to win it or you gotta get gone too... by any means necessary...

"ANYBODY can get it... in.this.bitch!" LOL (Reference: I Wanna Work for Diddy)

*walks off singing* My life, my life, my life my life... in the sunshine!

#notsorandom

Let's Hear It For The Boys...

"Sooo let me get this straight: you dress and look like this *points* yet you smoke an occasional cigar, love sports, play Poker, drink whiskey and watch ESPN? Will you marry me?" (Paraphrase) ~Guy at a Bar

While other sisters were trying to break their tomboy attributes I always embraced mine. I knew one day I would dress like a lady, I was in no rush. Even when I was in grammar school and the average boy couldn't really see who RBG was (I can think of three guys who had interest in me during junior high which is minuscule in comparison to my then girly counterparts) it didn't bother me. I wasn't interested in much of anything the standard boy was into then anyway... Nope... I was more into 3-way phone conversations of gossip, shooting hoops, rollerblading and all things active, and still playing with my dolls and toys (yeah, on a public blog I said it). It wasn't until I hit high school when ALL the boys adored a frosh-soph jock. Not only was I athletic, but I had a big ass... bonus. Freshman year I began to embrace my femininity as much as a TOM BOY for the first 14 years of her life could. So I wasn't necessarily wearing skirts and dresses yet (OK, I just started really wearing skirts and dresses within the past six years). I also have a very strong, public speaker like voice...

..... what the hell was the point of this blog? .........

Oh yes. I've never been afraid to be the tomboy... BE "one of the guys" because I found without any sort of extensive research that if you were seen as a buddy they could eventually see you as a girl; once they saw you as a girl, they could see you as their girl... it never failed. Fool proof! And I was doing very well with this particular way of thinking... until I had a child. Don't get me wrong, having my sun is still the best thing I've done to date... but something fundamentally changes a man's perception of you when a woman... gives birth. Suddenly, I'm not RBG the homie anymore... I'm RBG the mom. Despite me ONLY wanting a boy as my first child (and publicly announcing it -- there was none of that "so long as it's healthy" crap with me) because I knew I would be able to CONNECT with him more vs. a girl... despite all my guy-like qualities without being a butch lesbian I am still seen as "wife" and mother... versus the person and friend you fell in love with. And I think this is completely unfair. I'm still me... and still a LOT of fun. (If I do say so myself.)

I'm blessed with very strong familial support so I generally, even if I do hate to ask sometimes, can always find a sitter — everyone ADORES my child... why wouldn't they? — so getting away is never a problem. I didn't turn into one of those weird holier than though moms either. I don't specifically ask that you change your language around my sun, though I will ask you to smoke outside (he has young lungs and second-hand smoke kills!) and to be completely honest, unless it's a family event where other children are present, you don't even have to worry about seeing my child at all. And you'd only KNOW I was a mom if you knew me. Even at work, I don't talk about him unless someone asks who the adorable creature is on my desk. And even then it's not a flip out pictures moment and telling you stories about his first steps (unless you inquire cause you're reeeeally curious). I still have my own identity. I still love to do the things that make me me... in FACT, I appreciate them more now because I am an outstanding mother and my child is now my main priority, so I do spend a lot of time with him but I still need a life outside of him. You can't remain sane any other way. Luckily for my sake I was never a "baby talk" person so I still know how to speak to adults as such because well, I talk to my sun, as such. Ever since the womb. I'm really a great, down-to-earth mom who never lost sight of herself despite my biggest fears that I wouldn't know what the hell I'm doing. Think Miranda. (Long video...really first to up about the 4th minute'll do ya.)



So... why does this happen... to me? I don't know yet, but I want my life back... the life when my men friends/mates still invited me to the things we used to do that made us the friendship/couple to envy... the best friend you've always wanted who can not only look good in a suit and a dress, but help you through your lady problems... share a beer from a bottle as it was intended, yell at the game while cussin like a sailor (only when ABSOLUTELY necessary) but still a tiger in the bedroom, can cook and all that gibberish. I am not trying to lose my identity in being a mom. I need all my components on a regular basis: my motherly ya dig, my simply-RBG ish, my girlfriend time (I am fabulous and loooove tight jeans, shoes and handbags and my walk is mean), but more importantly, my man time. My tomboy isn't going anywhere... no matter if my lip gloss is poppin and there's a jogger stroller in the back of my whip.

So please, don't forget about ya boi.

Cheers! *raises fried chicken and a shot of Maker's Mark with well-manicured and polished nails*

On To The Next One

"The same way you get 'em, is the same way you lose 'em" ~Soror W.

So I have been hearing story after story of the Alicia Keyes and Swizz Beatz rumors to the point where I finally decided I needed to say my two cents on the matter. And some people ain't gonna like it.






Stop being mad at Alicia Keys!
(Yeah, I said it!)

I just read Mashonda's open letter TwitTM to Alicia Keys about ruining her marriage and I was floored. Why do women always attack the "other" woman? Be it verbally or physically? I will never understand. Speaking AS a woman who has been cheated on, left for another woman, I can honestly say I've never been THAT chick. No Tweets for me. No MySpace or Facebook stalking your life... or lives together.... it's just whatever it is. I may have had some choice words for him, but that's to be expected. He's the one that looked me in MY face, told me he loved me, would never hurt/leave me, blahditty. Mashonda's case a bit different. He was her husband... and apparently they'd been married a long time. Five years in fact. They'd taken vows before God that they would "forsaken all others." Swizz broke that vow... not Alicia. (Now, I am simply giving an example AS IF the rumor they were having an affair is true... I am still not so sure it is.) [Below are actual excerpts of the Twit, from Vibe.com]

"Me and my husband have worked out our differences. We are in a good place as people and as parents. I accept his choices and I am comfortable enough with myself to move on."

Now this the shit I don't get... so your husband, of FIVE years who you just had a son by and you are in a GOOD place... you accept his choices... WHY on earth are you still reaching out to Alicia Keys? Is she not supposed to be happy she's in love/engaged/pregnant? Is she not supposed to talk about her happiness? What explanation or apology or "concern" does she owe you? Like Judge Judy say, she didn't take your vows with you (IF this alleged affair really did take place) HE did.

It's easy to tell the (other) woman, in a nutshell, "yeah um, we still together and happy..... he still come see me, visit me, with me, sleeps with me..... we gettin back together... you're just a side piece... you this or you that..." but most of these scorned wives generally know the score but are gonna tell the other woman whatever she needs to in attempts, to rattle thangs up. Get under the (other) hers skin.

"My concern with AK is no longer the fact that she assisted in destroying a family but that she has the audacity to make these selfish comments about love and wanting to be with someone, even after knowing their situation."

We really don't know WHAT she knew if you really wanna get down to it. For all we know, Alicia Keys could have found out ex-wifey was pregnant via a text sent to Swizz when Keys was on her way out of town/the country. She probably confronted him about it because he didn't mention it and started to do the math and figured in order for her to be pregnant, that would mean they were sleeping together more recently than what Swizz originally told her and now she's a victim of circumstance cause she's head over heels for him and sometimes it's not that easy to walk away from love especially with him saying he still wants to be with her. (This is all hypothetical... I think.) Further, she can't "assist" in destroying a family that was already destroyed. I refuse to believe people walk away from perfectly happy marriages. When it's a well-known fact that MOST people cheat because of some void they feel at home. I just can't see them not having a conversation or three about issues in their marriage.

I'm not judging you, I put you and the whole situation in the hands of God, the Higher Power.

Why do people DO that?! We're all in God's hands way before any transgression. Like we each have some super powers that put our issue in front of the BILLIONS Jehovah has to deal with on a daily basis... always talking God's hands and Karma and all that... when your religion probably doesn't even believe in Karma! Cut that out people!

According to Swizz, in an article on Zimbio, they'd been separated 10 months... how stories can conflict, hunh?

NOW, in NO way am I condoning extramarital affairs. Should I ever find some unsuspecting fool to marry me it is my largest concern cause I truly think men create their own problems with the emotional connections they keep. Setting themselves up for FAILURE. The flesh is weak and as we remember from my last post, the mind controls the body. We already know more than half of marriages fail... we just all go into 'em hoping we'll be apart of the minority.

Mostly, the cataclyst for this blog? I just want people to start taking responsibility for their own shit. No one can destroy your marriage/relationship. We do that on our own. No one can "take" your lover... your lover willingly goes. No one OWES you any sort of respect, concern, or discussion... so just be happy when you get it.

I said I would be continuing to support her career. Nobody wants to look at that sh--. They wanna look at 'Alicia Keys.' That sh-- is ignorant." ~Swizz Beatz

Exactly.. if you gonna look at anybody... look at Swizz! LOL ... but no, forreal.

ONLY Swizz and Alicia know what they were really doing or — for THAT matter — what Swizz was really telling her while they were doing what they were doing, because they can concoct some very elaborate stories, can't they?

All that being said, I hope Alicia watches herself. She may wake up a couple years later with a beautiful seed, finding that her hubz still holds a closer relationship to his ex than she thinks. Scorned wives have a way of trolling their ex's new relationship and just staying on top of it. Because they WANT that relationship to fail. They want someone (specifically her) to experience what they did, even if they SAY they don't. So be leery, girl, of her sending old pics, texting about the good times, pictures of body parts, inappropriate conversations nothing to do with the child, asking him to get her a new wardrobe, hair done, shoes (and not with alimony or child support but out of YA'LLs money) and him ACTUALLY DOING IT, referencing their marriage CONSTANTLY, reliving the engagement and when he bought the ring, all the "remember when?s" and possibly taking your child out with theirs behind your back like THEY'RE a family! Like Sunshine Anderson said, "I heard it ALL before!"

My Soror constanly uses the phrase: "The way you get him is the way you gone lose him."
Sometimes we don't realize how we got 'em.... you just a victim of circumstance. On to the next one...

Sources: maniestopart2.com, thehoodtime.com, dailymail.co.uk, vibe.com, zimbio.com

It Ain't Cheatin Till...

*sings*Him and her, as far as can be... S-E-X-T-I-N-G
First comes emotion, then comes regret, then comes a problem they can't soon forget.

I miss the time of unlocked cell phones and trusting mates... technology has really taken a turn since our younger years. I remember when I had the young Smart Beep pager, remember when 4-3-7-7-0 and 1-4-3 were cute little codes, remember when phones didn't have lock codes... what are you hiding in there anyways? With all the SEXTING rage and things that have hit close to home for me in the past of my mate textually pouring his heart out to the wrong girl, I often worry that this will ultimately be the figurative death of my relationship... a friend of mine just recently found something very disturbing in her man's cellphone... and as someone who's been there, I could only sympathize with her. They always say, seek and you shall find. But some shit, you're just supposed to know.... some shit you're supposed to TELL your mate. Sexting, I'm learning is looked at as something that's "not that bad." If a woman sends a pic of her pu$$y or ass, or her doing a sexual act, it's like looked over as NOT being disrespectful... but isn't it? I mean, porn is one thing but sexting and video conferencing masturbation from an ex who you can easily talk to or see any given minute of the day/week... is that not disrespectful to the homefront?

I ask cause I want clarification... I mean, being a flirt, I can often remember catching myself harmlessly doing so with a complete stranger while getting my car out of valet or walkin through a mall if I'm spoken to first, but no numbers were exchanged and definitely no pics of body parts sent. When I was single, one person used to send me penis shots... just random penis shots I guess to give me a preview... when I got them then I would smile and send something flirty... when I told that person I was now in a relationship all of a sudden the random penis shots stopped. I guess that's the difference in someone who really wants to work on their relationship vs. someone who's just always gonna continue to do whatever the fock he/she wants... no matter how their partner feels about it?

And then the question of "is it really that big a deal?" comes into play... but isn't it? Conversations of that nature, ESPECIALLY with someone you used to physically DO just ain't cool... she sending pics of her half nekkid in the bathroom for pic IDs and shit... ugh... and ya'll wonder why I worry about the future of relationships? Really? We do some dumb sh*t... and often... with little regard for the other person. A complete and utter "single till you're married" approach to love and life... but what a way to show you care? right? Versus like acting accordingly. Not saying I'm perfect... I'm certainly not... but I miss the days of unlocked cell phones... the days where people didn't have to delete threads of conversations and their entire email inbox to destroy all the disrespectful shit they do when their mate isn't looking... would you have deleted it if she couldn't find it? Why were you doing it in the first place?? I'm so nervous ya'll... I can only keep praying that Jehovah has something better for MY relationship and that I won't have to go through that once again... I couldn't trust easily again if I did. And would a locked cell phone now make me wonder? Absolutely... it's a product of my emotional environment. I am forever tarnished by that act... cause if I'm not doing it for you, I'd much rather you tell me and I can find somebody I do it (and oh so much more) for. Why waste our time if you're going to emotionally (or physically) cheat....

Is the "ain't cheating till you're married" the new phenomenon?? I mean, what's really the scientific reasoning to why people can't DO right? Why play these awful, awful games??? What ever happened to perfect practice makes perfect? Act in your relationship how you will when you're married and recognized by God! or get the hell on...

Am I overreacting?

I'm a 30 y/o unmarried woman... and I approve this message.

"She Got Daddy Issues"

Hello Blogworld!

I come to you in higher spirits than I expected to after the first wave (my morning cry). Today is my father's 65th birthday. He is no longer with us, but very much still alive in me. "You are truly Don's baby!" has been spat out of mouths of my relatives way more than I can count. Even though my father has been gone a decade now as of this past January, each year still feels like a new wound. This past January (during my birthday week, which is also when he died) when I was crying on my honey's shoulder, I confided in him that I almost felt crazy crying like a newborn 10 years later... he then told me I could be a 60 year old woman and still cry about losing my parent... it's a very traumatic experience. Especially the way in which it all happened -- which I will spare you guys for the sake of keeping readers. lol

But since January, I've been doing a lot of introspection about it all and what I've found makes me saddest, since I've had 10 years to really think about it: is that when he had to go, is when all things started to go south with the rest of the men in my life. Yes, when my daddy died, men (who entered my life, anyhow) forgot how to be MEN. They don't know how to wear the MANY hats it takes to be a good man, like he did. More than just being a provider... more than just unconditional love... more than just being "head" of house... It's like my daddy's presence kept them in line... kept them from being rude, dumb, disrespectful, unappreciative, disloyal, arrogant, selfish... heart breakers.

Heart Breaker! Dream Maker! Love Taker! Don't you mess around with me! ~ P. Benatar

Now, just bear with me now... I always hear of Daddy Issues in the sense of women who didn't have father figures to teach them right from wrong while growing up, so they latch on to men who are all wrong for them in efforts to fill that void (in a nutshell). My father was with me up until I was 20 years old, so you'd think I'd be solid...

So yesterday, I was sitting around thinking about the timeline of events... between my dad's death and the following summer I found out my "fiance" (who walked with me down the church aisle to view my dad's body) had had a summer romance with some short chick he told me was nothing... the next summer (after staying with him) he broke up with me while I was in Wisconsin working my internship at a large newspaper. Later that SAME summer, he met someone at a wedding and married her a year later (two years after my Daddy for those of you who may have gotten confused). During that same summer, I was broken up with via email, by a boy who I'd dated off and on in high school... not as traumatic since he was my fallback boyfriend. His family loooooved me, but I think the pressure started to get to him of when we would be man and wife. He would later marry the girl who he would visit when he told me he was visiting his "cousins" in St. Louis. He has no family in St. Louis. Well, he does now... in laws.

Since then... man who wanted me to "submit" without offering anything to the table... we weren't even DATING.. man who was emotionally spent and crazed and a hater, wishing nothing good to anyone, man who was too prideful to say we worked well and commit to me, and guy who could have been perfect if he stayed out of his own head... and those are only the honorable mentions...

It's true, I have my very own daddy issues...

They come in a plethora of criteria, it seems.

But I've figured out how to make this "issue" now work for me, and it only took me a decade. Since my dad isn't here any longer to check you about your hat at the dinner table, opening the car door, not acting like a complete monkey and I am truly Don's baby, I have to fill his void, for myself. Even if it means comparing every man one to my dad... not in the literal sense, but the emotional senses and the God-given senses. Do you make me a priority? Do you care about my feelings? Do you allow yourself to see a situation outside of yourself? And because I've raised these questions, and ones like it, I am really chopping away at people in my lives who just don't get it... or get me. I may be a 30-year old woman with Daddy Issues... but I'm just glad my daddy was around to give them to me... and for at least two times a year on days of his birth, or rest I can think clearly enough to clean house of those who don't mean me wellbest...

Thanks Daddy for the perspective... until we meet again!

image source: http://www.japanator.com/elephant/ul/10576-620x-b3351bcbaec0ac012f92a2c962ef0304.jpg

2009 Rewind...

2009, for me, was all about Love.
I can sum it up in just that one little powerful word.

I started a To Be Continued post on The Black Family a while black... and how it was dying. Dead. Kaput. This is my rewind of that.

While I DO still feel the Black Family has a loooong way to go, I no longer feel it's a lost cause... I think. I spoke to a friend of mine, a Married of several years, like 7 who is contemplating leaving the Sacred Union because there is little that can be done to restore it back to it's original goodness. With three little ones, a nice home, two cars, head of household at stake, it's difficult for many to see how someone could walk away. I feel bad for that friend, cause I know that Friend has been trying the hardest to keep things afloat in that marriage. It makes me wonder... not only about the Black Family but about this concept of forever..

"I want this shit forever mayne." ~ Drake

Forever is such a long time... and it often worries me. I mean, I think about a couple like my parents who suffered and survived every kind of problem a marriage could from alcoholism, anger management, heart attacks, infidelity to death, and still managed to look at each other lovingly after 27 years... and pray that at least the "lovingly" is in my future. I don't know that I have the patience or staying power to deal with a few of those things... but marriage says for "better or worse," "in sickness and in health"... clearly many people don't take this charge (hence why we have a something like 58% divorce rate?). I know each year of any relationship (married or otherwise) is going to come with ups and downs... at what point do we stop wanting the "forever" we signed up for?

In my present relationship, everyday is a lesson. Everyday is a glimpse into the future. And I am enjoying each day more and more, even the trying ones to get to that forever possibility. I've read of people marrying someone "no matter what was going on at the time" they proposed. Meaning, things were clearly wrong, and probably destined to fail but people still entered into something so serious. Why do we do that, exactly? When we know something is wrong, or won't work yet we enter into it anyway? For... ever? Is it because we take the concept and idea of marriage so lightly the thought of "well, if it don't work, I'll just get a divorce?"

I mean, I know I am a never married individual speaking on this subject but that's how we unmarried individuals either stay unmarried or only marry — and stay married — once. Hopefully the latter for me. I know I talk a lot of shit, but there should be NO contesting I'd make an awesome wife... *pauses to see who dare disagree*.......
......
...........
............

*ahem* so I say all that to say this:

Black Family, we can be so much more than Dads visiting their children every other weekend, baby mama drama, and constant drama and bullshit. (I do realize white families go through a lot of the same, but that doesn't affect me.) I just keep looking at that Ebony cover of the Obama's... you think Barack and Michelle don't have issues or haven't had any in all their years? OK, maybe they're as perfect as they look, lol, but the point is, I am sure they have days where Michelle/Barack is like, "OK, please get away from me" but both realize the importance of the other in her/his life.

Sooo with all this introspective thinking.... I came up with one solid solution for hope: we can save our families starting with taking more responsibility for our own actions.

MEN...

Leave your pasts behind... you guys are so caught up on hurting someones feelings, or just not over someone, holding on to someone who you can't be with or don't want to be with, stirring feelings just cause you got too much time on your hands, or WHATEVER the fock you're doing does NOT help. I mean, seriously, if you don't listen to anything I've EVER said, listen to me NOW when I say, pick a path (read: woman) and stick with her. Give her your ALL.. and see how that goes for you... video chatting, sex texts, inappropriate pic mails with your exes, baby mamas, jumpoffs and the like just keep us in the struggle... COMMIT.

WOMEN....

You can't become a different person once you have the ring or a few months in. Rationing the precious, not cooking, not keeping yourself tight around the waist and what not (trust me I'm guilty of all.. OK, not the first one, but maybe the second from time to time and definitely the last BUT my eyes are open now...I'm on it lol). You have to do the SAME things you did to get him to keep him... it's a poorly used reason from men when they cheat, but when you think about it, it's true. We often transform ourselves during the dating process, or so I hear, cause we are looking for marriage... I implore you: STOP it! To know you... is to love you! He should get to know you. If he loves that person in the present... he'll love her in the future.

MEN...

You can't be sitting around the house not doing NOTHIN.. clean up, take the garbage out, wash a dish, help with the kids! Motherhood and taking care of a home is TIRING... it's helpful to your home and relationship to lend a helping hand. And not just every once in a while, but on a REGULAR basis.

WO(MAN)...

Be prepared to work together... pray together, put God first, cause it takes HARD GOTDAMN WORK to get to forever. And listen to your mate... sometimes — hell often times — they are putting you on notice without causing a fuss. Found something troubling, but leave subtle hints to avoid drama but let you know to shape up or ship the hell out...

Let's NOT enter into anymore future forevers without understanding the work and commitment there needs to be on our OWN part to salvage it and make it its best. Stop always pointing a finger and fix yourself first. You know what wrong you doing before it's even pointed out. Unless you're one of those people who just sucks... come on people... I could cry writing this blog post. I know the Black Family could be SO much more, if we just give ourselves some credit for our own shit... the good, the bad and the ugly...

Ya'll kno who it is....

The Tale of My Two Cities...

Well, 2009 is a done deal. Full of it's ups and downs. Triumphs and down-right disasters of situations. But alas, here she is.

"I'm trying to have all truths and revelations REVEALED in 2010. So let's talk about it." ~CP
So, I am a bit delayed getting out my real 2009 introspection because the first two days of the New Year were spent relaxing, recovering and laughing. BUT ya'll know I couldn't NOT send one out. 2009 was an emotional roller coaster of a time for me but I still managed to come out on top. Tis the story of RBG... she survives.

My year in review held a lot of tears at the beginning and sprinkled in here and there. In February, I tried to move on from life as I knew it, even though an extremely painful transition, my alter ego wouldn't let me realize I was dealin with (or refusing to deal with) some serious shit. Even the sweetest distraction couldn't keep me from knowing that something was wrong because it also was filled with issues of a different kind. So the joy I thought was coming in the morning, never came. Or appeared falsely, depending how you interpret.

I've recently had the pleasure of enjoying meaningful conversations with CP. We've had the fortunate pleasure to make someone so special and we're trying to collectively make this the best family ever by strengthening our friendship and getting closer... So, when he said something along the lines of "all truths revealed" it made me think about an awful lot... I kept so many truths to myself in 2009 but toward the middle/later part of the year, I really started to hone in on what's important. What's necessary, what's not blah blah blah.

So let's reveal some truths... about self.

Once a boyfriend physically wrote (not typed or emailed) to me, "how can you expect so much from me, and give me so little in return?" I realize now, that this still holds true to me nearing 9 years later. He eventually left me and married another... also something (not) foreign to me... who he continues to be (somewhat) happily married to today. These kinds of questions and inquisitions can really make one wonder. When you think you're the greatest girlfriend, and people are affected, tremendously, by the negative things you do, it says something... sometimes. I may not always be the most giving of... things, but what I HAVE always given is unconditional love. I've loved several different men, who all in some shape or form hurt me. But I loved them anyway. OK, so sometimes I'm emotionally distant... and a little stubborn... and maaaybe a little selfish when it comes to SOME of my things I've worked hard for... sometimes...maybe. But I do a lot of good too.

BUT, I hear what he's saying.

Forever is a long time... and to be happily married (or in any kind of relationship or friendship) there needs to be a lot of FOCUS... GIVE and TAKE... COMMUNICATION... PASSION... WORK... AND MORE FOCUS. With that being said, in order to PREPARE myself for the solid effort of being successful in a marriage (assuming King finally finds Queen, of course) I need to pack up and leave this city... and move on to my next. The first city, the one in which I have been living, is the one in which I am leaving. The second city is the one I'm moving too...

My Beloved Mother came over to my home on New Year's Eve to help me prepare for our NYE Celebration. She's truly an extraordinary woman... she drives me crazy sometimes, but I wouldn't trade her for the world. She told me while washing my dishes (while we reminisced about my Daddy since his anniversary is approaching and singing Blues songs) of how she cried and cried when she turned 30... and my Daddy told her in only the way he can, to stop that crying because unless she wanted to DIE the only option is to get older and learn from life before it.

And then she told me: "But once I stopped crying, and faced the beauty of it, that's when life really got better for me. Things were really great."

It made me smile... I could only hope the same for me.

My first city, was occasionally filled with darkness and only glimpses of hope sprinkled throughout. I didn't capitalize on those glimpses, instead... I focused too much on the darkness, let that consume me until I was nothing that I recognized....

But oh, my second city, is my spring of hope. I have the tools to be more successful (in LIFE and LOVE) I just often don't use them. I have hope where I didn't before... I started realizing this in the last months of my lease in my 20s... I started to hone in on the positive and laugh at the adversity... cry less... figure out tactful exit strategies from heartbreak. I smile more now... I live... in the now. I express my feelings better and without trying... no superlatives or games...just me. I am a better woman than I once was... in my 30s, I will embrace her. I will learn from the woman who resided here before me. No more pressure of unknown things, only capitalizing on what I DO know... that I am a gifted entrepreneur, a forever blooming flower and a work in progress... progressing.

When King finally notices, his Queen will be ready... ready to build, ready to strive, ready to live, laugh and love. It will still take two, but I'm ready to do my part... 2010.... RBG is ready for you... bring it all to me, cause I know how to embrace me now, so embracing you will be as natural as whole grains...

Happy New Year, people... Let's show 20-10 what we can do...

~*RBG*~

"And I'm Still Alive!"

Just when I think we're taking two steps forward....you push us four steps back...

This has been my week of introspective conversations. I've had a 90-minute commute of a conversation with my brother (a married father of two) about relationships. And I stayed up till 3 a.m. going back down memory lane and having a heartfelt interpretation of our relationship history with CP.

I hate talking to BOTH of those guys cause they might be the only two people of the male persuasion who know me best. Always dissecting me, realizes the root of my question, issue, trouble... or we just kick a lot of science together.

The topic of the first conversation: does forever-type monogamy really exist?
The topic of the second conversation: does forever-type monogamy really exist... here

I found myself pondering this one morning after touching base with an old ex... a chocolate, funny, endearing brother with whom I once shared a magical time with. He lives in another space and time now... we both do. While he is practically perfect... tall, chocolate, muscular, handsome and sexy, branded with the right letter, beautiful smile, educated, well-off... he's never been a very committed man to his lady loves... including me. Though neither of us were ever exclusive with the other, but still... in the years I've known him, he's always been a, "I'll commit when I'm married kinda guy." Which would be fine, if his girlfriend at any given time knew he shared that philosophy.

I thought CP, who emotionally cheated on me SO much, that I now think perhaps it's OK to receive/send a flirty text at 2 a.m. or masturbate to a naughty picture of *insert what turns YOU on about an ex here*... I mean, so long as we don't physically touch, what's the problem, kinda logic... eeeeven though, I totally know what the problem with that is... my logic is now skewed. Cause I've been on the recipient end of inappropriate texts and emails from my exes and have seen the former women in his life send some of the naughtiest things... emotional masturbation ... and I wondered.... is there something to this "cheating" thing? Does that connection, even emotional, with someone keep you sane when shit in your relationship just gets too much to bear? (What about when you're emotionally cheating when your relationship is pretty damn GREAT... what would that mean??? What kind of person does that MAKE... you??) Is there a cut off? Can we just connect with someone on an emotional or spiritual level and never sleep with them or get caught up in the moment? IS that possible of humans? I would like to think that even our self-control can only keep us in line for so long if we keep putting ourselves in a situation we would fail at.

Case in point: if I were a taken woman, spending time, even trading textual winks and the occasional conversation or picture mail, with Chocolate Ex would be problematic, because his smile makes me want to kiss him, his humor makes me want to laugh with him and his uh, memory makes me want to sit atop him, so I do best staying very fah away. And I do... but where relationships fail is that each person doesn't feel that way. He still chats...you still chat...planned outings with people...it's all just an unnecessary mess.

This is all to say, that this is my 2009 Year-in-Review... this joint is practically ovah. I'm in a totally different place than I was in January. Emotionally, financially, physically... totally. And I am totally, totally OK with that. I just don't give a fuck no more. I am never sure what the future holds and I often get scared shitless of it. When you get old, you die. But for now, I'm still alive... I've always envied people who can live without regret, but TRULY live up to their actions and enjoy every minute of it... why shouldn't we each be one of those people... so long as we're not putting ourselves in jeopardy (unless you like that sort of thing)

But now, by the Grace of God, through all the emotional bullshit, heartbreak and just plain, "why the fock would you DO that, dude?" I.am.still.ticking... so because of that... I am going to LIVE

...for as long as I can, man.

The student has now become the teacher.

I miss Janet.

But I loooove YouTube...

Impromptu Interview 2 today went amazingly well... numba 3 toma.

There will be some sanity soon... yes? :)

The rain is Lucifer himself. That is all. Makes ya wanna....

The Sex Clouds of Judgment

Author's preface: this is not a suitable post for underageness...

Is your name Yemaja? Aw hell naw... it's got to be Oshun!

~Darius Lovehall "Love Jones"

I was thinking last night about how long it's been since I had sex... um, with another person... and it dawned on me, that I am a very sexual being... so it's weird how much cloudier my mind can become when not getting a little extra attention than when I am. It's weird because that's "bass ackwards" as my daddy would say.
Generally, sex clouds judgment making us less likely to make the best decision because of the sex. I am guilty of this once... many, many moons ago in my younger days staying in a relationship because the sex was maaaagnificent. Even though he was a jerk.

I commend people who wait till marriage to have sex and in many instances I have wondered what would my life be like if I were still a virgin... but since I'm not lol, let's address the topic at hand... granted I'm definitely not a slut. I've passed up more sex than a little bit and you'd seriously be surprised at how ridiculously low my number is (I don't believe one needs 30-40, hundreds of partners to "get good" just (like with anything) lots of practice). But I do believe sex to be one of the most beautiful acts that two people who love each other can do together to not only experience a euphoric state (orgasm) but create life.

In the same breath, it's pleasant to get to know someone without the pressure of sex interrupting the flow of things, but man... what about your needs?? I sound like a man, hunh? But let's be real, doesn't a romp in the bed kinda calm things down when things are too tense? too much?

"They should just bone and get that shit over with."
~Mike Lowry "Bad Boys"

A friend of mine is dating someone who she's known for a while but they have only been dating a month... STD tests check out, she already knows what he does in bed and is concerned that he hasn't yet made a move. They rolled around a little "by accident" the first night they reunited, but stopped abruptly in the middle because he felt weird just jumping right back in the sack like they'd never been apart. She hurt him in their previous dynamic. But she says the passion was there... but now since then he's not tried again and wants me in all my in-expertise, to try and decipher this Davinci Code. *throws up arms* lol

Not sure what to say... while sex isn't EVERYTHING, it certainly is something. A necessary something. Different strokes (pun intended) for different folks so frequency and intensity may vary but at some point it should be discussed what's really taking place. In the situation with my homegirl, I told her to wait it out some. It's only been a month, hornball! :)



We women think men want to screw all day, everyday... and in many cases we might be right. It's always flattering (in my opinion as usual) to have someone pawing at you than not... let's you know you're wanted, desired, needed... makes you feel sexy, seductive, special. I hope my homegirl and her man find a delicate balance as soon as possible.

Oshun... out.

Sympathy

"The most unloving thing one can do is fire back at someone they claim to love wid angry words of emotion... just because he/she was hurting." ~ RBG

"You better watch who you beef wid."
~ Can-i-bus

I spoke of PPC yesterday... a man who appeared on paper to be my soul mate. You'd probably noticed, one thing I didn't do was bad mouth him... even though there left lots of room to do so. He was the first boyfriend of mine who was incredibly against a civil dissolution of love. I'd never experienced such anger and humiliation until I saw a bag of garbage thrown across the room just because I was ending our love affair, for just cause. I would experience it a couple times more since then... PPC bad mouthed me to our mutual friend, that I was disloyal and left when he needed me most. Luckily she knew the truth behind it all and knew if nothing else, I was the most loyal... we just weren't as compatible as I would have prayed. And while there was PLENTY I coulda went hard on him about, like real motherlovin problems... I never did. Even when he sent me a return mail (months later, I mailed to see how he was doing and to tell him I missed him and perhaps I could have handled things differently) with the most brutal attacks on my character I have ever read and heard... ever... about.me?

Then there was Blast, the one who put me on blast on his blog because I didn't really see room in my life for a long-distance relationship. He wasn't that bad in comparison... plus he did it in a discreet way where I was the only one who knew what the eff he was talking about. His opinion was that I was missing out on something without at least giving him a shot because of what had happened to me in the past wid LD relationships. He very well could have been right. But if don't nobody else know my mental... I do. And it's best I follow my first mind before I succumb to terms of endearment.

I read in a "friendly" letter yesterday, that someone dear to my heart didn't know whether " to hate (me) or feel sorry for (me)." I can't lie Blogsphere, it stung to hear someone I trusted and believed in, more than he originally believed in himself, to speak to me with a daggerous tongue. Knowing I don't viciously attack anyone... especially him. Knowing he continued a "relationship" for much too long wid someone who hurt him, emotionally attacked him and the foul shit he did in return... reading that let me know, as a best friend, I was not above the anger.

But I digress. He felt sorry for me because I didn't settle for a husband when one was looking me in the face. On a day/night (my father's born day) where every person who cared about me in my life was trying to keep me from being sad, thinking too much, being emotional, crying over my Daddy, reinstilling in me why they love me, because I love life... this friend was feeling sorry for and/or hating me. We already know it takes too much inner-g to hate someone, so I won't spend time on that one. But let's debrief about what is sympathy exactly?

sym⋅pa⋅thy

  /ˈsɪmpəθi/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [sim-puh-thee] noun, plural -thies, adjective –noun

harmony of or agreement in feeling, as between persons or on the part of one person with respect to another.

the harmony of feeling naturally existing between persons of like tastes or opinion or of congenial dispositions.

the fact or power of sharing the feelings of another, esp. in sorrow or trouble; fellow feeling, compassion, or commiseration.

sympathies, a. feelings or impulses of compassion. b. feelings of favor, support, or loyalty: It's hard to tell where your sympathies lie.

favorable or approving accord; favor or approval: He viewed the plan with sympathy and publicly backed it.

agreement, consonance, or accord.

Nice right? Only problem is, he doesn't sympathize he feels sorry.... for.me? That is not nice. Hate is definitely not nice. But I had to examine further. So he feels sorry for me because I thought to work on self before committing to someone. Is this how we weigh personal fulfillment? In the responsibility of another? Cause then how is it personal?

" But Gypsy woman as you approach 30 you will have to set down somewhere, as a mother of (The) wonderful Sun."

Sit down somewhere? As if I am out of control? Or reckless? Say word, friend? I am anything BUT. I've been a great mother to my Sun. A.fucking.great.one. For nearing three years this September. When he was conceived. I walked throughout my pregnancy and did yoga and water aerobics. I stopped drinking, smoking my occasional cigar or even being around second-hand smoke. I had him vaginally, and naturally, and it was the most beautiful moment I've ever experienced. I took him to the doctor on schedule, vaccinated on time, asked the doctors all kindsa "crazy new mom" questions to be on top of my game. Left unstable situations, despite the womanly fear to be alone, because I know what's best for him. I play wid him for at least two hours everyday and some days... hell, many days... are just about him. This life thing, now is just about him. To set(tle) down SOMEWHERE to me suggests settle down anywhere. And THAT my friend, is something the true Mother of the Sun, Dawta of Light, just will never do. Whether I am approaching 30 or 300.

I'm hurt, cause not only do I never attack my friend on what HE should work on, have, be doing at his older age (instead always focusing on what I can fix in self and only being supportive of my friend recognizing potential he failed to see) but it.really... sucks that in a land of so much opportunity, in two thousand and nine, for Pete's sake, a woman who actually leaves her house to physically GO to work for 40 hours a month and still makes more than the standard household income for a single mom (hey, I ain't rich, but TRUST I do aite! and only a few months young in this consulting thang) a woman who owns her own car, has her own home, a woman who pays her bills on time with astonishingly sexy credit score, a woman who raises her sun extremely well given the cards dealt, feeds him nutritious foods, who is conscious, healthy, caring, educated two times over, can be felt sorry for because she doesn't have a husband. Or isn't settling on one. This is bullshit.

And just because I am angry in return I still won't dagger my tongue. That friend was important to me. I truly love him. I still pray for him. But "drunk lips" don't lie... and I know now at least a piece of what he was really thinking when I was emotionally battling what to do about my husband in training. What that judgmental friend clearly will never understand is that it was a hard... extremely hard... decision to make. But I made it for the best interest of everyone. I suggest my old friend, and even my ex-husband in training, take a look at themselves before feeling sorry for me. Like I look at myself... widout ever having the disgusting gall to feel sorry for him.



"People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you will know exactly what to do."
~ Anonymous

If I Could Rewind The Times...

I remember sitting in my dorm room when I received the call that my dad was experiencing some complications. I drove home that same night. Late. He'd went into a "standard procedure" to loosen a blockage in his legs that he'd mentioned to me over my winter break. He'd survived a triple bypass three years prior so it was to be a walk in the park. He was Superman. He never made it home from that procedure. Trips back and forth to the hospital... would end with me receiving a call while laying in my boyfriends bed in the wee hours of the morning... his chest where I would cry and talk about how I couldn't lose my daddy... where he tried best with two parents to tell me it would be OK. To this day, he tells me he feels bad that he didn't prepare me better. And to this day, I tell him he was supposed to try to make me believe.

I feel silly nine years later, after so many failed attempts to visit his grave, still mourning my dad. He was born today... and I haven't yet shed a tear like birthdays past. And that too, makes me feel silly. It's weird to lose a parent, yanno? A person who is your hero... you never know how to adapt to that. My mother didn't date/marry till 5 years after he died. And then married a man ... almost like him. (There's only one.)

I have been going through so much emotionally and haven't talked to anybody for very long about any of it.... for nine years... that same year I lost my dad, my first love/fiance and I broke up. The same one who's chest I cried on. Yes. A year after that he was engaged to be married and married a month later. Like it was nothing.

I finished school and six months after graduation I ran away moved to Michigan for man job thinking I'd found my Prince Charming. I was incredibly, incorrect. I stayed there for four years... two after my leaving PPC (pseudo prince charming). I spent those two years secretly wondering what would have happened with my first love had he just been a little more patient and honest. Which is why when I returned to the city it was only a few months before he called wanting to see me... I let him. I now know what would have happened... we would have dated in a non-marital union for near three years, conceived and birthed a sun and I would have left him because he was still the same patient, dishonest man.

I moved right back into love before I even had him off my couch. And not rebound shit... real love. Love you feel for someone because you sense they truly care about you... but true to form.. true to my nature, I didn't give myself that time. I didn't recognize the true damage that had been done because I am always so well put together. SO head strong... so strong-willed, so smart, so determined... never taking a time out for moi. And now I have exhausted her in love. To the point where I roll eyes to things that would normally make my heart melt.

To the point where I avoid calls because I don't feel like being bothered. But to someone who has shown me nothing but extreme love and respect. It's unfair really. To both of us. Him first, because he deserves someone who is just as lovey dovey as he.... and to me, because I feel robbed of my lovey dovey... something I once was so fluidly... for the wrong.fucking.people... and now it's too late. I need to stop running from the reality that I could use time to get it together. I didn't allow myself that much at all through my years here as an adult. I feel horrible. I don't know other ways to say it verbally... he so determined. Not realizing I SEE how great we are... but I don't want to damage anyone -- especially him -- the way I have been. So I am taking a step back... and praying to Jah he don't hate me for it. Pray to Jah that we'll come full circle like all things meant... but now is not time. RBG has some splaining to do... to herself.

If I could rewind the times, I would have told my Dad to get more than one opinion. I'da set "first love" free at the first discrepancy in our long-distance relationship... and things would be different. BUT if they were, I wouldn't have the greatest gift known to man.... I am FIRM believer in all things happening for reason... I rarely know the reason right away or soon after. But I am gonna get to the bottom... of me.

(Current) Thought Process... of a Gypsy.

I am rethinking a lot of things and purging a lot of stress and aggravation...
I have come across a great many revelations in the past several months since freedom...
I am ready for the rebirth of Sanni...
I have been holding back from myself... I have been scared.
I can't choose the way people act, live, love, treat me, respond, but I can choose how I RE-act.
I am battling the pros and cons...
I am sad at the mental state of others...
I am secure in myself.
I love hard... so it means something when I don't.
I re-need clarity. I am ))centering(( of self.
But can no longer be self... centered.
I meditate for peace...
I sit in the bask of The Sun for peace...
I am regaining spirituality where it counts...
I am a p u
z
z le...
I have all the pieces, but am still putting it together...
I have 9 months to figure it out...
That is when the childishness and fun of 20s can't be used as an excuse anymore...
I am making a way out of none.
I am not going to worry about toma...
I am going to start treating others how I would want to be treated...
... respected. Whether it hurts me or not...
I am righting wrongs... Whether it hurts you or not.
Taking responsibility for my actions...
Taking a time out...
No more flags on the play...
I am thinking...
I've been a good person, but there is always room for improvement.
"I was born under a wandering star"... Gypsy free. Gypsy me.

© 2009 CZS / RBG



image source: mary croppins... "gypsy" border

One Minute You're UP...

and the next you're down. Welcome day 9.

Today was a good day fast wise... but emotionally I am still a mess. I am exhausted of near everyone and everything but my sun and my fast. MC'ing is like cheap therapy! I've been writing and expressing and releasing and what not while those closest to me get it hard core. It's like I can't just have a straight month wid no bullshit. And I wonder if that's because I need to purge my life along wid my body. I often wonder if I need to completely clear the roster and really spend that time focusing on Rj and me... if there's anytime to be self-involved, I can think of none better than for my child. In similar news, I am seriously considering returning to my predominantly vegetarian diet... but I wonder if I could keep him healthy.... ehh, I got off on a tangent. Not eating will mix you up something awful....

*refocusing*

The cleanse. It's worrisome, but quite a... relief. Because I've been telling people exactly how I feel. No holds barred. Which works for me because I've usually held back sooo much trying to be the bigger person all my life it's nice to just be like... "you know what? eff you, sucka!" lol Though sometimes it's left field. Because I've been crying for two days, my coparent has been the blunt of several angry, "you are a terrible person" texts, my friends have been brushed off with "got too much gwan right now" texts and the person who's on my mind the most, I wonder how it will ever be.... see, emotional mess.

At any rate, I've meditated on it... and I have decided to continue on through the weekend and break on Tuesday when I'm going back to work. There's a luncheon for my students that day, so I will have OJ for dinner on Monday and breakfast on Tuesday and the salad portion of my lunch. I'll pack some raw almonds and make a fruit salad cause I'm sure the lunch @ the banquet will be something heavy and perhaps not very tasty.

Sooo, yeah, my tongue has returned to pink about 90% so I am thinking these last few days will wrap it up nicely. Feeling good, but my 85/15 live foods menu is calling my name! Mmmmm mm! I will say that I do have spurts of really low energy throughout the days. A headache here and there but overall my energy is good. I try to get to bed directly after meditation (I'm meditating twice a day). That's usually when my body can't take anymore anyhow... I wonder if it's normal to be up and down like that in the later stages?

At the home stretch now... my family will be glad when I'm done. My sister says I sound sad. I told her it's not because I'm fasting but because we spoke at 8 a.m. lol

Forward!

3/24/09 ETA: I started breaking fast Saturday... with lotsa OJ. I didn't weigh myself as it wasn't about weight at all... in gen, I feel much lighter and just clean and vibrant. It was a good 10 days... I am extremely proud of myself, and will repeat in the summer. Thanks for listening to me ramble about my random mood swings, and the trials and tribulations of fasting. It was an interesting ride.

Moment of Clarity 8.1

I remember why I didn't truly care for the MC before now... not even so much the not eating aspect, but the clarity. Because it's so mental, the mind works overtime to keep you motivated to finish but at the same time, it's open to everything. In 2005 I thought about so much of how things could be different in my life that during those five days I decided to move back to Chicago to be with the majority of my family, but also to try a relationship wid a man I never told how I felt. Because I'm a Capricorn, I'm stubborn by nature though and by the time I got here in 2006, I'd completely changed my mind. Because I'd hurt him already and didn't want him (a Capricorn as well) to shun me. Like we do. lol I also thought about starting my own business, something else I didn't follow through on with a serious mindset. It's like once I returned to the land of the eating, clarity diminished something terrible.

Yesterday I had the displeasure of being spoken to like a child, by my boss. For no reason. It irritates me some that I continue to work for people who have their own companies or positions of power and don't know professionalism from a hole in the wall. It's like, are you cereal? Furthermore, she was frustrated not with MY performance, but because she was having a bad day and her administration is confused, unorganized and dropped the ball on something. Whatevs... can't sweat the small stuff... furthermore, that's not what caused my emotional breakdown right before I was so exhausted that I passed out. Literally. Thank goodness my sun was already in bed with me. I didn't even see sleep coming. I didn't have a chance. And slept soundly until he climbed on me saying good morning this a.m.

I woke wid those same discouraging feelings. I need to purge all toxins... not just from my body it seems. I've just noticed a massive increase in emotions while fasting. And I wonder if this is normal. Is it the mental clarity that comes along wid fasting? I spent all last night crying my eyes out over things I cannot change and that's not even my style. I've been through a lot the past 4-5 months and life's changed a lot... I wonder if I haven't really had a minute or desire to think about it until now and all this mind power to stay focused on finishing is getting redirected to that of all these other thoughts my mind locked away? I'm sure no other fasters will be able to relate and I'm just weird.... story of my life. lol

At any rate, SWF done.

No tea last night tho... so this should be interesting.

p.s. my teeth feel funny and I'm friggin freezing.

What you think you know

...doesn't necessarily have much to do with reality.

(She) just hate me cause (she) ain't me! ~Busta Rhymes' character in Higher Learning

This will be a random ass blog post... about people who think they know, but have no idea. *tags it random before she forgets... OK, done* This post is to those of ya'll who don't have a clue. See, everybody (no matter your IQ, social and/or political standing, religious/sexual preference etc) gets MAD love from RBG. :)

Boo, he's just not that into you... and who the eff cares?!

I'm so tired of that phrase... I almost want to kill the writers of Sex and the City for ever coining the phrase for the jackass who then in turn wrote the book. I mean, do you REALLY think we women don't know when a man ain't feeling us?! *giggles profusely* We know, we just often think we can change his mind. LOL

I had a long IM conversation wid my homegirl one evening a lil over a week ago... telling her how well my conversation went the day before and how mm mm good breakfast was the morning after (whoever thought to put cheese grits with catfish is a genius!) and how I had my epiphany while speaking to my sisterfriend. But not until I had to listen to her whole sordid story entitled... Life Dating the Emotionally-Detached Brother. It's a comedy, it's a "love" story, it is pure unadulterated buffoonery. And we EACH have been there, ladies.

It generally starts with the set.up. It usually sounds something like, "I'm not looking for a relationship... right now." Now, while I do respect men who can broadcast this, it's really like, dude, I just asked you what we were eating for dinner! This is usually the first sign that he's not going to be exactly what you need... because we, as women, aren't generally proned to sleeping wid a man, just because. No catches, no strings, no worries. Don't get me wrong, we CAN do it. But for the most part we opt not to. But when you do opt to, be ready for the hardship b/c itz usually the ones wid so much potential that do this. So you're bound to fail. If you are apart of that lucky 20%* who actually gets the man to see your fabulous traits while you tuck all your crazy inside... cheers to you, doll... but that other 80%* ain't changing their mind. And it's been my experience that they always go for someone who's NOT on your level, at all. And sometimes it's a better level... live, learn and let.it.go. Cause K. Cole said it best...

If he ain't gonna love you, the way he should you need to let him go...

Ladies, please let's stop trying to hold on to these men who don't want us, don't want to treat us right, with somebody else and you think he coming back to you. It's ridiculous! I said last year that I was done trying to make some herb love me the way I deserve to be loved. I might give him some helpful prodding into all my delicate and intricate ways of thinking, living, independent-spirit nature, but that's about all I can do. Itz easy to pick up on all my not-so subtle hints of what makes me happy, feel loved so that I can be the best me to you I can be.

If I hear one more female say, "yeah he wid her but he thinking bout me tho" I will scream. No, boo, that's very unlikely. If he was thinking about you, he would be with you. Or at least paying you some attention. Stop tryin to do all these grand gestures, declarations, busting his windows out his car... it's not gonna make him love you the right way. Meanwhile, you're prolly looking over a cat who really does want to love your ass. "I know HE loves me, but he'll just have to deal wid it, if I can make you love me." Are you serial? Let's do better in 2009, ladies and really, really get down to the heart of the matter. And let that other crap rest. "You don't get the picture? The picture's in his wallet!" ~Lil Kim

If the Queen is happy, the whole Kingdom is euphoric. I guarantee you.
To my guys... I have a secret. When your woman is happy, you will always be happy! It is a little-known, highly true fact. It's really simple... you keep us happy and all else will be just fine. You'll get fed, loved, sexed like a porn star and great home life. I can't tell you what makes your woman happy... that's all up to you, but take heed and be well.

This is my last relationship rant post for a while... back to sunflowers and gumdrops! :-)

*Facts and figures have not been tested, proven or tallied by anyone who knows what she is talking about!

Disturbing Behavior

So my friends have been coming out the woodworks wid men issues the past two weeks... and I've even had my own. All of which spawned me to think about the morality in dating and love for a few days and I was conflicted on how to get this post jumpin... there were so many issues I wanted to cover and then realized I was getting redundant. So I have tried to make myself more concise, and sum up the major bullet points that were my hodgepodge of thoughts.


"How can I really love you, if I don't trust you?"

I have always been a flirt... sometimes I think it's in my DNA. But I do it subconsciously most of the time (unless I am trying to get drinks for the whole table of married/taken women out of some unsuspecting young man at a club or lounge) and it is usually harmless and done in jest. I try to be more conscious of it when I am in a relationship because I don't want to be misread. Luckily for me tho, guys don't think that much into it, so if a woman is flirting with them, but then later doesn't give them the time of day, he shrugs it off and forgets about her... generally.

Women are usually not one in the same... especially if that woman is single. If you, a man, flirt with her, and you're attractive to her, I guarantee you on some level she's going to want to wonder what it might be like to be with you rather on an emotional or sexual level... and do (in many cases) whatever she must to continue that interest... whether you are taken or not. Because a majority of them are scandalous every woman likes to feel wanted. Point blank period. And if she is in a relationship where her current isn't often telling her how much he appreciates her, her body, her humor, her scent, her beauty and this random handsome over here will... she's more susceptible to listen. And this is how cheating ensues. And listen carefully when I say, cheating does not always have to be sexual in nature. It is also emotional. Carrying on conversations (verbal, textual, written) that you know your spouse or significant other would hang you over is rude and unacceptable. For it is that emotional connection that binds us first, and then we want to see what that do in bed. I'm not saying it's right... I'm just saying it is what it is. Don't shoot the messenger it is the truth. It is also important to add here that if you are in a relationship and the person you're flirting wid knows you're spoken for but still chumming it up it GENERALLY makes them wonder about your moral code... but not for long cause we as humans, are always, always gonna do what we want to do and what makes us feel good.

Then when all this occurs, someone has cheated... the trust is broken at that very moment it's brought to light. (And all things done in the dark will come to light.) It's very hard to come back from that. For me, trust is not given right off the bat -- several of my homegirls disagree wid this approach, but the way I feel is I can't trust someone I don't know... that's like trusting the dude walkin next to you, not knowin if he's a pickpocket, a rapist or otherwise... I'm not sayin I be on the defensive wid every guy I meet, but I ain't gwan let him hold my pocketbook. Seen? So when I finally do entrust my heart into you and accept you as my King, I expect you to act accordingly and I therefore trust you until you give me a reason not to. But what happens when someone puts him or herself in a position to be human and make mistakes... is there amnesty for that? Unfortunately it's hard to get trust back ... sometimes it's impossible... especially if your behavior and attitude don't change. And it's damn hard to love someone you don't trust... which is why I always sever ties... why make things difficult for both of us.

*authors note: I would probably be willing to consider counseling if I were married and if the other person were willing... notice how I know it would him who cheated. I don't put myself in compromising positions to cheat. Take note.


I love you... but I'm not IN love wid you
OK, seriously man... wtf? How have we been dating for months, damn near living together, blending families and you're not "in love?" I'll kill you... to my homie girl, choke.him.out. That is all.

I want to marry you, eventually
I think of Steve Harvey who is constantly yelling at women in that loud southern drawl that men don't need forever to know they want you as their wife and that money matters are generally a cop out. While I do respect the gangster of a man who can share a household, often a child(ren) and debt with a woman without a marriage certificate but hasn't popped the question, I do it not for the reasons you think I might. I only respect it, because that's Jah's way of telling that woman to get the hell out. "So let me get this straight... we married, everywhere but on paper... you want me to cosign for a car, but can't solidify this before God and a hundred of our closest friends and family?" Kill yaself. lol

Relationships are not a 70/30 split
The other day I bought dinner for my potential king and I... while I was out picking up dinner, he washed my dishes. I couldn't help but smile at the flash forward of making sure to always play your role. It made me think how nice it could be as an Us...

It's good to find a man who understands the importance of compromise. And before you yell, talkin bout "RBG, those men don't exist dammit!" Allow me to tell you that they DO, but just are few and far between. Not only are they out there, but they looking for you too. Sometimes they come in a different shell than your fairytale made them appear, but all the important components (honest, loving, sentimental, romantic... all that girly shit you care about) are there. You just have to look deep within his eyes.

Never make someone your priority when you're only an option to them
I cried and cried... and cried when I left my last relationship. Wondering why I couldn't be everything he needed... Bawling bout how I gave him my all... till one day my homeboy said... "well, why on earth would you do that, dear, when he wasn't giving you all of him? Never make someone priority when you're only an option to him. I taught you better" And I dried my eyes and began healing.

As women, it's second nature to give all of ourselves in a relationship but we never really figure out the cost:benefit ratio. I will put as much as I am giving into a relationship, so it's important to give the very best of you and I will reciprocate accordingly.

It is only when we learn to notice and combat these disturbing behaviors that we will truly have successful relationships, marriages, families... I refuse to believe Ossie and Ruby made it as far as they did not understanding the basic principles on preserving black love. I can't wait to see what their book teaches me. Thanks, birthday fairy.