A Woman's Want for Family...

"I snoop(ed) because I needed to verify, not find..." ~ self

There is little that can fuck with a woman's intuition.

I've never been one to snoop. I've done it in two situations in my life antes (before in Spanish)... and I hated having to BUT it was a necessary evil. Because both times I found information necessary to make my next move. Information I would have never been privy to, even though it was my right to know.

I think what hurt the most is that my intuition was always right. Like, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that a relationship changed. Men notice when their woman, who used to bed butt naked comes to bed in a night shirt, and leggings.. when she's not bleeding. Women notice when he comes to bed much after her when he once followed her in to make sure she slept well.

I noticed when he started sleeping on the couch. I was pregnant then. I thought it then, maybe it was because I was snoring... large baby living in your womb will start that unfortunate habit. Then I thought it was because the TV was in the other room. Making every excuse but realizing something changed.

"Some women will put up with anything, just to say they have a husband..." ~ Madea

I always thought this was a powerful quote. For nearly three years I held on to a man who I wanted to marry even though throughout those three years he showed me so many things a husband isn't supposed to do. I realize I expect a lot from the people I date way before I am prepared to give those things in return. I accept, try to make amends and change this fault... however, there are three things when I am in a TRUE couple I will always give from jump: my undivided loyalty, my trust and my respect. Because I want those things off the bat as well.

The point I am tryin to make is, I closed my eyes for a long time... because my want to be a family with the man with whom I conceived a child with overpowered my good sense. A man who plans to make you his Queen does not speak inappropriately to women of his past. He will actually, if he is truly serious, cut all ties with anyone/thing he thinks might hinder that growth. To that same effect, he will not make new friends who will hinder the growth either. He does not put any woman's needs, his mama's even, over yours... well this is really more AFTA you are Queen, but perfect practice makes perfect. He will do whatever is necessary within reason to make sure his home is stable, secure, the Queen is happy and they will have communication abound... trust, love, passion and energy for the other.

It took me months of soul searching to really accept that my relationship did not have the core components for marriage survival... and my ex-mate was not open to counseling or religion as helpful resources to fix things and did not offer other alternatives or solutions on how to save us... instead just pretend nothing was happening... so a woman must... DO.

And THAT'S how she determines she's really ready for a family... when she accepts the fact that it may come in a different package than she originally imagined.

The strength of a woman is unmatched, unparalleled... indescribable. Ladies, keep making the right choices... your King will find you.

Nine Months...

Since my last post to this blog.

So much has changed. I am filled with so much emotion, fear, uncertainty but also anxious to know what's the next chapter in my life. How it will read.

I am wondering why it takes a woman to leave before she sees the emotion from the man she must depart from. Why not show you love her daily, respect her daily, versus waiting until she has nothing more to give, where she is at the brink to give up.

Entering this passage of my life as a "single mother" will not be easy, but it will be monumental. For I made a decision for my mental health so I could be a better mother to my child. My heart. Next to God, my everything.

I am clean slating. I adore being happy. I missed it. It's nice to feel it again. I know I will always love my sun's dad, but it took me a long time to know I didn't have to be with him for us to grow together as friends and parents. I AM scared and nervous, we move into our new home in less than two weeks. It's a very exciting time. A new day. But one that I do approach with great sadness seeing as how we're moving as two instead of three. I do love him. And miss the good times already.

I know God will see me through this. I look forward to becoming whole again. In nine months from now, I need to be completely happy thanks to a great network of friends, supportive family and of course tons of prayer.

I can do this.

Ashe...

Threesomes... for couples?

So, a friend of mine had an interesting proposal from her hubby: he wants to have a threesome before the year is over. Now, for more conservative folk this might be a shocker but in the new-age of sexual freedom and all that, is it really that much of a surprise? So, I've not yet been married, but is this permissable behavior for a COUPLE?

As a single person you have no ties to someone you wanna parlay with two other people of the same or mix-matches sexes. no one would blink about it. Do the damn thing. But in a couple, especially a couple that's planning to be together till death do us part, is it really a proper thing to do?

Well, my friend is seriously considering fufilling this fantasy of her hubby's. One, because he is her husband and she wants to fulfill his every desire, but also because I believe she is afraid that if SHE doesn't, he just may with someone else and a hot-to-trot friend who doesn't care about monogamy or marriage or unions. (*cough* whores)...

Well, I can't say I blame her for having the fear and considering the idea. BUT, I think there should be some rules:

1. New third party -- not one of her husband's ex "pretend" lesbian (girl)friends who would give anything to get him in the sack again. Even if that meant strappin his new wife.

2. No kissing. If it were me, kissing would be out of the question. Yes, I am one of those weird non-sensical people who thinks kissing is more intimate, more passionate, more meaningful than the act of sex.

3. Test it out. There must be a mandatory test among all willing parties, for the common STDs and the Big Kahuna. Of course, safe sex is necessary, but this test still needs to be admnistered for oral (if not prohibited).

4. No further contact. I HEAR the biggest problem with threesomes is the fact that someone (in this day, EITHER party) continues contact with the third behind the second half of the couple's back. Supreme no-no.

Of course, my personal opinion, because there are so many rules, one should save the act of a threesome for booty calls and the guy/girl you would never take home to mama. Role play, keep it interesting by any means necessary without bringing due stress to your situation. The last thing you wanna do is get divorced over a woman you introduced into your marriage.

I just listened to my friend, since she pretty much had her mind made up... but I was thinking all of this... bad idea in the long run.

What do you think? Got a rule to add?