I have always been a crier. I cry when I am happy, sad, or angry. It is one of my biggest issues with myself. I don't necessarily see it as a sign of weakness but it would be nice to have sad and angry conversations without the water works. It irritates me, so I know it is probably less than savory for my debate counterpart.
One of my other issues is that I am obsessed with perfection. I know it doesn't exist... I know this, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to be as close to it as possible. In all things, my life, my sun, my relationship, I need it to be just perfect... for me.
I realize now that life is forever different for me with this new blessing (my child) in it. He makes me understand I deserve so much more because all that I am and will be, I give to him now. I made a decision to take a part-time job to be here for him more. Right now, it works for my family, and I appreciate the option to be able to do so.
Things are on their way to perfection...
I am learning to release myself from what's expected of me from friends and family members and pay attention to my own growing family. I firmly believe that one can not truly build on their current holding on to the past. That includes everything from exes, no-nothin-ass friends to pushy family members. You simply can't give your all to your family if your attention is focused elsewhere -- even for a minute. If you don't have it in you to completely rid yourself of those causing issues for your relationship then the possibility of survival is damaging. I'm ready to rid myself of the rest of the excess. I left the exes behind when I got with my partner and now, whoever's left who shouldn't be there because he/she is there without support but only negativity has to go too.
I'm tired of crying. Tired of feeling like no one cares about how I feel. Tired of explaining to people what they did wrong when they are not children. I know when I am doing something I shouldn't and they do too. If we don't own up to the knowledge that we could do things differently to be better people, we're destined to fail.
I've always been an overachiever. For me, failure has never been an option. I have yet to have a successful relationship... praying this one ends in Ozzie and Ruby-type ish, but I know now, that I will put my ALL into it. I will fight for it.. I will wipe off and stuff in blood, sweat and tears and if the second party is just as determined it will be lovely. I think I am there. Hope springs eternal. Failure is no longer an option.
I guess what I am trying to say is, if you're not ready to pass... please remove yourself from me.
Family matters.
(It's fine if this doesn't make sense.)
