Ex-Wives and (Step) Children...

When I was 21 I said I would never date a man with kids because I didn't want to deal with the drama that was their mommas... or disciplining.. or any of that shit. But then again, I also said I would never be in debt or date a white man... so what I'm saying is, things change.

A decade later, I find myself marrying my best friend. He's a beautiful, loving man with a
child..... and I must say it's everything I thought it would be. Like I assumed, it's not like on TV where everyone is not bitter, blended and loving and inclusive. And it's a weird adjustment. And it sucks cause I don't have anyone (with sense) to really ask if THIS should be happening or how I should handle THAT... or am I just bein RBGish and overreacting.

So I try to play each situation by ear. Yeah, well, I'm off beat and outta tune like a mf'er... *sigh*

Ya'll pray for me. LBVFS!

Upping The Girly Gangster Quotient..... Gangster

Even though my skin is being asstastic... I was sitting around thinking this weekend about how my girl tendencies have just fallen by the wayside. In the past nearing two years at my company, I have not really worn heels as much because I'm always on my feet, walking around and carrying 50-lb bags as a part of the workshops I do... it only took a few months in the position to learn my cute heels and pumps are to stay on the shelves of my shoe closet.

Even my mani/pedi's have trailed off... mostly because of the winter but I vowed to myself this weekend to re-up the girly quotient. I know I've always been a tom boy, but I still had the basic girl qualities: a love of shopping, pretty shoes and handbags, mani/pedis, new hairstyles, gloss shadows, and liners... but since havin Sun (best moment ever) my priorities shifted something crazy... which I mean, in hind sight is good......... but I gotta remember to take care of myself.

I don't remember the last time I went shoe shopping.... I'm wearing the same joints I had for years and that's unlike me.... panties shopping? Sheeeeeesh. For the really pretty expensive sets? YEARS... don't get me wrong, I ain't granny panty-ing it, but I used to stay atop these things. I have decided to stop doing my loc maintenance so much... my roots are tender, but I've also began to play with styles... and I'm gonna buy a foot bath to keep my mani/pedi's up when I'm not being pampered... I need to re-up my eyeshadow game... I've had the same mascara for lord knows how long... I gotta up my Girly Gangster... I am already a tomboy... I can't leave the little girl I have left behind.

Where'd she go? She gotta be around here somewhere.

Must begin to re-embrace the womanly stuff...

Do Over (2010 Wrap Up)

"Even though I was outta line, I miss you like all the time and if you don't wanna see me fine. A good girl's hard to find, so maybe in due time... Can I get a do, ooooover? Can I get a do, ooooover?"
~Ghostface Killah f. Raheem Devaughn

I've been on a bit of an extended break from work and I'm so excited about it. Last Tuesday afternoon at 5 p.m. I did the Robot right on out the door and will not return to the office until January 3 of the New Year.

Speaking of the New Year, it's always a time to clean out the old and bring in the new. So last weekend I began to empty my house of excess clutter starting with my home office. (I'd already taken every work giveaway and paraphernalia to the office the week prior.) You'd be surprised how much paper and sh*t you accumulate over two years time in a new house. Just starting with the home office, I've got a ways to go, but in that initial sweep I ran across an old journal of mine from 2007 and started skimming over it. I flipped from page to page of bad bad memories and depressing disposition. Instead of sulking there in those pages, brewing over the past I ripped them out, tore them into pieces, and threw them away right along with shredded bank statements and random magazines I never read. I kept only the first entry written 5 months after my sun was born. I share that here:

Nov. 12, 2007

My WORD was I depressing when I was pregnant! I just spent the last hour skimming through old entries... yuck! All the "woe is me, why can't (CP) love me the way I deserve to be loved" crap gave me a headache. For real. No wonder I stayed emotional and sh*t: worried about the wrong bull pooh. WOW! So um yeah, thankfully I was blessed with a healthy baby boy nearly five months ago despite the fact that I was too busy worried about his daddy during my pregnancy.

(Sun) is a wonderful baby. He truly lights up my life. He's adorable, he's happy, he's sweet and funny. Yes, funny! Can't speak a word yet but his sense of humor is already developed. I love him with every fiber of my being. He makes every day that I get up and pray to the Creator and go to work worth living. And when work is over I can't wait to get home to him.

Speaking of work, I currently have two jobs (kinda) at the moment. I am working to try to prove myself at better paying gig in my field to get hired on permanently. It's way out in Lincolnshire. When I initially interviewed he (male boss, yay!) said that it would be 2-3 weeks before they made a decision to hire me on or keep me as a consultant. This week marks the beginning of my fourth full week. So I plan to revisit our conversation to see where I stand because I have to let my other boss know something. Meanwhile, my mother is handling things for him in my absence. She's doing a great job too.

I am praying that everything will be as it should w/the better gig. I tried the Suzy Homemaker role, letting the man be the breadwinner but it's just not for me... right now. Perhaps one day it could be but right now I want the family and the career. And for the last month I've been able to do just that. The job (as per usual) comes with certain irritants but it's in my field, pays well and will afford me the things I'm trying to build towards and accomplish by 30. It's time to realize what's important... in life. Worrying about my mate, what he's doing and will I ever marry and sh*t like that does nothing but stagnate a person. And that's exactly what the devil wants to happen. He wants to sidetrack your progress

Well, I am DONE giving him that kinda power. Over me... over my life... anything! I am still working to keep my relationship solid. Still staying loyal and quite determined to make it work. But I know I am only one part of the equation. And that's the only part of the equation I can worry about and know for sure.

My baby is five months old in three days. What a blessing! Thank you, Jehovah for all you've allowed for me. I should be sleeping, but I was asleep pretty much all evening when I got home. I was exhausted! Didn't even cook or eat dinner...... "Tomorrow, tomorrow and tomorrow."

~ (RBG)

The New Year also brings about for most a great deal of introspection on life and all it's mishaps. How we want to rid ourselves of those mishaps in a new year... don't bring all that same drama or baggage with us. Start fresh. A "do over" of sorts. All in hopes that we won't be doing the same thing December next year. Reading that journal entry of how life has changed (and what has stayed the same) in the last 3 years really made me emotional. I'm really proud of where I am now, even though I have more debt accrued now than then. Even though I'm still not married with child. I can really appreciate where I am MENTALLY. Even though I still have my moments. I think as humans we all will have a bit of insecurity as a common trait. Some of you just do better at masking it to the world. But truly, I've grown so much as a WOMAN in that period of time. That I really would like to sit back and congratulate myself on that growth.

Because I truly reinvented... life. Myself. It's hard to believe that my 31st birthday is right around the corner. In a couple weeks in fact. And in my decision to begin to strip off my old personality and start really applying the new one, it brings great hope in knowing that if I am fortunate to see 2012, I WON'T BE doin the same ol wishin for a "do over" but embracing all the new blessings. Not that my old personality was bad... she rocks.. but there's just so much about her that could be better. Face it... so many things we can't redo... we can't go back and not have a child or choose to have one, we can't get a do over when someone close to us dies... but we can continue to do things, or redo things within ourselves until we get it right. We can continue to accentuate the positives and really hone in on the not-so positives.

I choose to do that...

I can't redo so many things... I just.can't. But I can act like tomorrow is a new day and continue the RIGHT way to do things. No matter what others are doing around me. Because (honesty moment) I can be very much an in SPITE girl. Do things because I'm hurt... or wronged.. or to let it be known I can do things too -- with NO hesitation, problem and just as much pleasure... when pushed.

That journal entry let me know how far I've come... as a mother, professionally (being in a career where, yes, I work hard to prove myself everyday but people NOTICE and want me to lead the teams that will make our field have the most impact) personally and in relationships. I'm happy. Very... even on days when I'm extremely irritated by, whatever, I can SMILE on the outside and in at how happy and blessed I am to be around the people that mean the most to me... and who love the hell... outta me. Face it... I got out of a relationship in which I felt like I wasn't always the most important and now reside in one where I feel I can talk to my mate about anything and even if he doesn't understand..... he'll TRY... because I'm number one... That means something.

EVERY New Year we'll talk about the next year "being different" or what we're gonna do.. I don't wanna do too much differently. I wanna strip off my old personality from a spiritual perspective, yes, but I also wanna continue these personal successes... move to the next levels.... director positions... marriage... continue raising that happy, FUNNY, sun... and all with the Creator by our side.... 2011... let's get it.

Happy New Year Faithful Readers.... do all you can... and be all you can in the newest year of our era.

*~RBG~*

Image Source: http://www.fortefoundation.org/images/content/pagebuilder/19251.jpg

Hot/Cold, Stop/Go, Yes.... No.

Maybe so.

"Good Afternoooon, Dr. Jekyll because there is no place to Hyde, Big Brother Sir!"
~ A Different World

I always think it's important to take note of how we each have an alter ego. Different egos have different triggers, for some people it's liquor that makes their "crazy" side come out... for others it's weed or another drug of choice... for some it's the reminder of who they used to be. For example, a (wo)man who couldn't be faithful once upon a time but on their best behavior, gets pissed about something their lover does (anything... doesn't even have to be cheating related) and falls back into their old ways. It's a vicious cycle if you allow it to consume you.

We all know the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? A chilling tale of a seemingly sane and smart man who concocts a potion (aka drug of choice) and with just one swig of it he turns into a monster? Someone outside of himself that no one recognizes? I was thinking today that we all have a little Hyde in us. The question is: what is your concoction trigger?

Today I was having a conversation with my (new) boss... *gasp!* I know, I was shocked too... we do that now... about pregnancy and how much it changed us, for the better. (We both have one toddler son.) She smokes and I asked her how hard it was to give up cigarettes when she was preggers and she said not hard at all.. and I said the same for drinking. I stopped cold turkey and without a second thought because it was what was best for baby... and even before I knew him I loved baby more than everything ... anything. I didn't even take to drinking a glass of red wine here and there because I didn't trust that it was OK. The minute we were done giving birth, however, she and I returned to those same habits. And NOW if I say, "I'm gonna stop drinking for a while" it doesn't stick. I wondered why...

Granted, I'm no alcoholic (wait, isn't that what all alcoholics say!?) I don't need (or consume) a drink in the mornings or to help me function and I can rarely be caught drinking throughout the work week. I am more weekend social... and some weekends I can not drink at all. But when I'm social... I'm social! Then I really sat down to think about it: so was my dad.. when I was a child my father drank on the weekends and sometimes I could sit back and watch liquor change him into a different person... fun one minute, mean as shit the next.. and I wondered how much this played a role in my life today, if any. Now, granted, I don't drink like that when I'm around my sun, but still. Might I one day? Life is still young (hopefully) and I wouldn't want to start.

I love my dad dearly... he was an awesome person overall, inside and out... I am like him in many, many ways... but I don't wanna be like him in that regard. When I was a young teen, my daddy changed his habits after a very scary triple bypass. No more booze, no more smoking and it extended his life... a bit. I still believe to this day, had he not quit when he did he wouldn't have lasted nearly 10 more years. He would have been gone much sooner. From the food he consumed, to the drinks to the cigarettes and the Black man's straight FEAR of the doctor he would have surely left sooner.

So I take this all into consideration when I make my decision... I no longer want to abuse my body with things that cloud my judgment, make me complacent or just don't fill me properly... the phrase "everything in moderation" comes to mind, but people often use that as an excuse to do whatever they please, just don't OVER do it. I must face it... if I'm really to make "daily applications" to be the best RBG... Christ-like... I am going to have to really put things in perspective. I can't base my actions on anyone else's or their lack thereof, for my relationship with God is only mine. Furthermore, I don't want some life-threatening scenario to be what changes my attitude. I want to make the decision on my own accord.

What attitude/behavior is YOUR Mr. Hyde? What will you do to control him?

RBG Note: it took a lot for me to write, let alone post this blog... it's really in truth and transparency. It don't get much realer.

Perfect Timing

"If we wait for the moment when everything, absolutely everything, is right we shall never begin." ~Iva Turgenev

My biggest fear about dying, is wishing I had more time. Because we never know when death will come knocking but we KNOW it's gonna come (damn that Adam!) it's important to live every day to the fullest. But everybody SAYS that, but rarely do. I try not to spend a lot of time mad... or go to bed mad, what if I don't wake up? It's very important to me to leave this world making my presence felt and living my most content... this blog has a few variables... stay with me.

I reconnected with an old school buddy on Facebook who got engaged last year. I recently asked her how the wedding planning was going and when was the big day. She proceeded to tell me that they'd decided to postpone the wedding until 2012 (!) because she wanted it to be "right." I listened to her story and took it all in, but how much ownness do we put on the things that really don't matter.... really? I mean, I realize I'm not the typical girl. I haven't been thinking of my "dream wedding" since I was 9 and I'm more of a simple elegance ring or precious stone centered kinda girl than big, flashy "look at me!" rings. I'd much rather a small intimate location wedding with our closest family and friends that some big to do... I often think people use money and "getting it right" with apprehension because "It don't take a whole day to recognize sunshine." You either want to be married soon or you don't. She'd talked about their children a lot saying she'd been going to church and really wanted their family to be recognized by God, yet her wedding is more important than that.

Given the dreams I've been having lately, I am pretty sure whenever I find some unsuspecting fool to marry me, my wedding will be great in it's own right. A special day for US and no one else. Because when it really gets down to it, the wedding (with all the money that goes into it) is becoming more and more about the guests than the bride and groom. I went to an old friend's wedding a few weeks back... beautiful Michigan Ave set up.. it was AWESOME... but I know also that my friend (the groom) was spending a LOT of money to make sure guests thought it was awesome. I am just praying there's no wedding bill... we guests ate, drank well and the NEWLYWEDS are stuck with the bill... just doesn't make much sense to me. I think the whole reasoning and importance of weddings (marriage) are getting diluted with unimportant fears, insecurities and preconceived notions and images people want to maintain. When did it stop being about God? And love? And stuff? Why do people make up so many excuses to NOT officialize their love? When will it EVER really be the right time? Furthermore, we don't even know if we will be AROUND in 2012... I'd rather love you in holy matrimony now and be good in HIS eyes than risk it. But what do I know... I'm just a "single" girl in a big city.

Speaking of single girls... an old friend Facebooked me last week. This friend and I stopped talkin back in late 2008 / early 2009... and I don't know why... exactly. There was never any discussion or separation of things... she just one day wasn't returning my calls or messages. I'd even resorted to MySpace messaging her when I called her to congratulate her on her graduation and never heard anything but she sent me a MYSPACE message saying thank you. I'd discussed how to approach this friend with a few people in my circle... but never was able to place the solution. So it was surprising to see her pop back up in my Facebook messages.

Our conversation was fluid... as our friendship once had been but all I kept thinking about was why she walked away from our friendship in the first place. What'd I done so badly that constituted an abrupt cease and dismissal like I never existed... what sparked me in her memory? Pics of us in New Orleans for spring break. Do we all have those moments? Those... I miss this person moments... and at what point do we look into them or keep them on the shelf.

There's this old saying, that "People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Once you figure out which it is, you will know exactly what to do." I totally believe that. We're supposed to get together for lunch/dinner sometime in October... if it never happens I can at least NOW be content on knowing that I tried my best... I made an impact... and in the end, that's what matters...

It's never gonna be the right time to do what we must or need to do... just do it, trusting and knowing that it will be just as it should. I'm not waiting for the right time anymore... I'm going to take chances and continue to be happy.

I love my life... and each person in it. Let's just do it already...

Finding The GRAY Area

Friday I asked my boss (who I admonish as my mentor pretty much) what he thought I needed to be able to go for a director position within a year (my own timeline not a proposed one) and he told me I was the total package... IF I could stop looking at things in black and white. He said I needed to learn that every problem person has something we dislike about them, something we can learn from them and something we can use. He says I am the type of person who will completely box someone for the wrong they've done instead of looking at what about that person I can use to help me excel. And that can make or break me in Corporate America. (That was a synopsis) I thought about this long and hard... and he's right. Case in point, with a situation at work... a colleague has been lying on me and to me, profusely and adamantly. And instead of defending myself by demanding a meeting of the minds, I just allowed her to say what she thought she must. Now, I did confront her more than once on the subject but she always denied it to my face and went behind me and did the same thing. MY logic was that, the people she was lying to should know me and my work ethic and if they choose to believe that despite what they see me doing everyday then that's on them as adult professionals.

But as for HER, she is officially dead to me. Even though I think she is outstanding at what she does (even if I now question if her way to get to the top is as amoral as she is) I know she will also stab me in the back at any moment she gets. This caused me to think about how I (simply) am. I have done this before with several people with a "That's just how he/she is" approach. Some of my old friends and even my mates. I will not hesitate to put you in a box. "I know she's a little crazy sometimes but she's really cool when she wants to be." "Yeah she's kinda a ho a bit wild, but she's a good person and super fun." "He DOES love me, but will flirty text his ex-wife / ex-girlfriend or just stop by her house without me knowing after work 'for the child'." I mean... it happens. And I have no one to blame but myself for keeping these toxic people in my lives for so long. And it really boils down to a lack of trust... I don't trust many people... what's that saying, "keep your friends close and your enemies even closer?" Perhaps that plays a role here. I don't want you near me and look for proper exit strategies when I feel I am being mistreated. I'm tiiiiired, Blog World. What makes someone who claims to respect ME and have love for ME show such blatant disrespect the minute s/he thinks I'm not looking?

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!

I DO! And then having you smiling in my face telling me you like me, respect my work ethic, LOVE me, are happy with me, wanna be with/marry me, are looking out for me just makes me lose respect for you... as a human being. I wouldn't do that to you. I WON'T do that to someone... not someone I claim to care about and/or respect. Not someone I claim to Love... which brings me to my next point....

Is "Love" Simply a Four-Letter Word?

I used to get really pissed when I heard "love is just a four-letter word" but maybe I've been wrong. People say it so easily. We say we love Jehovah yet we don't live how He would want us to. I've seen a woman who claims to serve Jehovah and be baptized try to break up happy homes because she's so miserable and her ex man let's her. We say we love our jobs but fake sick to take a day off and constantly look for the next best thing. We say we love our mates but constantly create friction with infidelity and unfaithful nature. Instead of maybe saying, "you know what, I love you and someone else and have NO idea how to choose and don't want to... and I give false hope to this one (and you as well) because I have you both thinking I love you very much. Furthermore, s/he and I are gonna snicker when we're all in the presence of each other because s/he and I think you don't know that we flirt when you're not looking." It's not that hard... is it? What causes people to forget that LOVE is a serious emotion that should not be taken lightly. Can you love two people at one time? Absolutely. But at some point we have to choose. You're not making a CHOICE and by playing both sides of the emotional field you are figuratively killing your family. Can you live without a religion? Sure, but at some point you're going to have to CHOOSE to live by the Bible or suffer the consequences. Can you work with someone you hate? Most definitely, but at some point you're going to have to CHOOSE how you interact with them. Is everything worth demanding a meeting of the minds? I'm starting to think I take that "sit back and see" approach too much.

Instead of demanding answers of my coworker, I decided to "see" would she change, what would happen and it lead me to transferring offices. The same could be said for relationships... except in those I waited to see if Jehovah would bless the union/make him see what he had... each situation doesn't require me to do much... but try to exercise patience. A conversation on patience over the weekend led me to realize I'm not very patient... but clearly judging from this I have more patience than I thought. But this is where I fail. Because trouble is finding me again... even though I changed my location... even though I changed my order.

I must find this gray area... because black or white is destroying me. I need to venture out of my comfort zone if I'm going to be victorious. (And I always win.) I suppose I should start with demanding a meeting of the minds...

But I know myself... I don't wanna nut up and flip out on someone's gray area.

Be Congruent. B-E Congruent.

"They won't do it unless you ask... but you have to say what you mean in such a way that it's a congruent message that is in line with what you want to obtain. If your message is one thing and what they're (reading) is something all together different. They are more likely to believe what is in front of their face. You've got to send a congruent message with what you say and what you physically give the (reader)." ~ My Boss

I've been doing a lot of talking about focus lately. And I've been doing a lot of thinking to get focused. Show focus and Be.Focused.

My job entails a lot of talking... I speak practically everyday to Chicago youth about life after high school choices. I am talking a lot in my relationship, communicating so much better than I ever have before and loving every minute of it. But I'm doing all this talking but must remember to send congruent messages with my actions.

Sometimes, however, I miss the mark. A personal flaw (of very few lol) that I am aware of and trying to manage. You see, all this time, I've thought of my blog as my own personal online Eric Jerome Dickey novel. You guys know of Mr. Dickey? His novels are awesomely constructed of sex, lies, drama, laughs and tears sprinkled with little parts of his real life as something to fall back on. It's why we readers adore him. Every page is so real and human like... you can relate to to it.. sympathize with it or just listen.

Little known RBG fact? I've always wanted to be a playwright and writer... I've got stacks and stacks of old notebooks to prove it. Because in my former life I was to be a reporter slash poet slash author. I love to write: journaling or fiction.. poetry... it's all a reflection of me, but not ALL me. I say that to say that this blog (well really the one previous to it) serves as my little artistic outlet but sprinkles bits an pieces of my life throughout. Really... these are my thoughts. But not all of them... I leave a lot of stuff out for anonymity purposes. Ya'll know how I feel about putting people on blast.


Many of you who read my stuff (thank you) don't know me... but for my fans that know me for who I am, and NOT my alter ego, sometimes what I write here might be a bit much. Which is why I generally don't broadcast that I have a blog to my friends and family. Because more often than not it will cause a problem. And I don't ever want to bring ONLINE problems into my real, totally awesome life.

A little about that life?

I am in real love. Daily. If ever that is up for question because of the tone of my posts, speak to me directly. Many, if not ALL of my posts are generally based on a life I used to have moons ago, but somehow connect in a way to tell a (hopefully) riveting story and/or send a message. Who I am online, isn't exactly who I am when I am playing Do or Die Uno with my family, or having a cocktail over a boxing match. I am much more complex than the words I type... or perhaps my words are more complex than me. I am a simple girl with big dreams. A vivid imagination and a curiosity about life, love, and the pursuit of happiness that is my fairytale. And I express that... here.


In 2010, I am beginning to send congruent messages. I don't ever want someone close to me not knowing where they stand... I have to let my mouth be congruent with what they hear and what the actions they see.

"If I talk about how great it is.... I might jinx it." ~ RBG to Big Sis

I am not a superstitious person, I'll walk under a ladder... kick a black cat... open an umbrella indoors and shrug, but I have said the above quote SO many times. Why on earth do we I keep the great stuff to me and sometimes a selected person? I went through my personal journals... and every page, ya'll... EVERY PAGE was focused on the negative. What IS that? When I KNOW, speaking negativity breeds negativity? I don't want and/or need ANY trouble. I want to effectively get across my point without confusing/hurting anyone I love.

"Messages are conveyed in a wide range of ways, not just by our words. Any conflict between all these messages which are being conveyed simultaneously by different means will make it much more difficult to get your message across successfully. This becomes especially important if [crisis or controversy are involved]." ~KMG definition

I meant what I said about moving forward in 2010... I am literally and figuratively leaving the past behind me. Speaking positivity and enjoying my present. Congruency between life and this powerful pen of mine.

The Tale of My Two Cities...

Well, 2009 is a done deal. Full of it's ups and downs. Triumphs and down-right disasters of situations. But alas, here she is.

"I'm trying to have all truths and revelations REVEALED in 2010. So let's talk about it." ~CP
So, I am a bit delayed getting out my real 2009 introspection because the first two days of the New Year were spent relaxing, recovering and laughing. BUT ya'll know I couldn't NOT send one out. 2009 was an emotional roller coaster of a time for me but I still managed to come out on top. Tis the story of RBG... she survives.

My year in review held a lot of tears at the beginning and sprinkled in here and there. In February, I tried to move on from life as I knew it, even though an extremely painful transition, my alter ego wouldn't let me realize I was dealin with (or refusing to deal with) some serious shit. Even the sweetest distraction couldn't keep me from knowing that something was wrong because it also was filled with issues of a different kind. So the joy I thought was coming in the morning, never came. Or appeared falsely, depending how you interpret.

I've recently had the pleasure of enjoying meaningful conversations with CP. We've had the fortunate pleasure to make someone so special and we're trying to collectively make this the best family ever by strengthening our friendship and getting closer... So, when he said something along the lines of "all truths revealed" it made me think about an awful lot... I kept so many truths to myself in 2009 but toward the middle/later part of the year, I really started to hone in on what's important. What's necessary, what's not blah blah blah.

So let's reveal some truths... about self.

Once a boyfriend physically wrote (not typed or emailed) to me, "how can you expect so much from me, and give me so little in return?" I realize now, that this still holds true to me nearing 9 years later. He eventually left me and married another... also something (not) foreign to me... who he continues to be (somewhat) happily married to today. These kinds of questions and inquisitions can really make one wonder. When you think you're the greatest girlfriend, and people are affected, tremendously, by the negative things you do, it says something... sometimes. I may not always be the most giving of... things, but what I HAVE always given is unconditional love. I've loved several different men, who all in some shape or form hurt me. But I loved them anyway. OK, so sometimes I'm emotionally distant... and a little stubborn... and maaaybe a little selfish when it comes to SOME of my things I've worked hard for... sometimes...maybe. But I do a lot of good too.

BUT, I hear what he's saying.

Forever is a long time... and to be happily married (or in any kind of relationship or friendship) there needs to be a lot of FOCUS... GIVE and TAKE... COMMUNICATION... PASSION... WORK... AND MORE FOCUS. With that being said, in order to PREPARE myself for the solid effort of being successful in a marriage (assuming King finally finds Queen, of course) I need to pack up and leave this city... and move on to my next. The first city, the one in which I have been living, is the one in which I am leaving. The second city is the one I'm moving too...

My Beloved Mother came over to my home on New Year's Eve to help me prepare for our NYE Celebration. She's truly an extraordinary woman... she drives me crazy sometimes, but I wouldn't trade her for the world. She told me while washing my dishes (while we reminisced about my Daddy since his anniversary is approaching and singing Blues songs) of how she cried and cried when she turned 30... and my Daddy told her in only the way he can, to stop that crying because unless she wanted to DIE the only option is to get older and learn from life before it.

And then she told me: "But once I stopped crying, and faced the beauty of it, that's when life really got better for me. Things were really great."

It made me smile... I could only hope the same for me.

My first city, was occasionally filled with darkness and only glimpses of hope sprinkled throughout. I didn't capitalize on those glimpses, instead... I focused too much on the darkness, let that consume me until I was nothing that I recognized....

But oh, my second city, is my spring of hope. I have the tools to be more successful (in LIFE and LOVE) I just often don't use them. I have hope where I didn't before... I started realizing this in the last months of my lease in my 20s... I started to hone in on the positive and laugh at the adversity... cry less... figure out tactful exit strategies from heartbreak. I smile more now... I live... in the now. I express my feelings better and without trying... no superlatives or games...just me. I am a better woman than I once was... in my 30s, I will embrace her. I will learn from the woman who resided here before me. No more pressure of unknown things, only capitalizing on what I DO know... that I am a gifted entrepreneur, a forever blooming flower and a work in progress... progressing.

When King finally notices, his Queen will be ready... ready to build, ready to strive, ready to live, laugh and love. It will still take two, but I'm ready to do my part... 2010.... RBG is ready for you... bring it all to me, cause I know how to embrace me now, so embracing you will be as natural as whole grains...

Happy New Year, people... Let's show 20-10 what we can do...

~*RBG*~

"And I'm Still Alive!"

Just when I think we're taking two steps forward....you push us four steps back...

This has been my week of introspective conversations. I've had a 90-minute commute of a conversation with my brother (a married father of two) about relationships. And I stayed up till 3 a.m. going back down memory lane and having a heartfelt interpretation of our relationship history with CP.

I hate talking to BOTH of those guys cause they might be the only two people of the male persuasion who know me best. Always dissecting me, realizes the root of my question, issue, trouble... or we just kick a lot of science together.

The topic of the first conversation: does forever-type monogamy really exist?
The topic of the second conversation: does forever-type monogamy really exist... here

I found myself pondering this one morning after touching base with an old ex... a chocolate, funny, endearing brother with whom I once shared a magical time with. He lives in another space and time now... we both do. While he is practically perfect... tall, chocolate, muscular, handsome and sexy, branded with the right letter, beautiful smile, educated, well-off... he's never been a very committed man to his lady loves... including me. Though neither of us were ever exclusive with the other, but still... in the years I've known him, he's always been a, "I'll commit when I'm married kinda guy." Which would be fine, if his girlfriend at any given time knew he shared that philosophy.

I thought CP, who emotionally cheated on me SO much, that I now think perhaps it's OK to receive/send a flirty text at 2 a.m. or masturbate to a naughty picture of *insert what turns YOU on about an ex here*... I mean, so long as we don't physically touch, what's the problem, kinda logic... eeeeven though, I totally know what the problem with that is... my logic is now skewed. Cause I've been on the recipient end of inappropriate texts and emails from my exes and have seen the former women in his life send some of the naughtiest things... emotional masturbation ... and I wondered.... is there something to this "cheating" thing? Does that connection, even emotional, with someone keep you sane when shit in your relationship just gets too much to bear? (What about when you're emotionally cheating when your relationship is pretty damn GREAT... what would that mean??? What kind of person does that MAKE... you??) Is there a cut off? Can we just connect with someone on an emotional or spiritual level and never sleep with them or get caught up in the moment? IS that possible of humans? I would like to think that even our self-control can only keep us in line for so long if we keep putting ourselves in a situation we would fail at.

Case in point: if I were a taken woman, spending time, even trading textual winks and the occasional conversation or picture mail, with Chocolate Ex would be problematic, because his smile makes me want to kiss him, his humor makes me want to laugh with him and his uh, memory makes me want to sit atop him, so I do best staying very fah away. And I do... but where relationships fail is that each person doesn't feel that way. He still chats...you still chat...planned outings with people...it's all just an unnecessary mess.

This is all to say, that this is my 2009 Year-in-Review... this joint is practically ovah. I'm in a totally different place than I was in January. Emotionally, financially, physically... totally. And I am totally, totally OK with that. I just don't give a fuck no more. I am never sure what the future holds and I often get scared shitless of it. When you get old, you die. But for now, I'm still alive... I've always envied people who can live without regret, but TRULY live up to their actions and enjoy every minute of it... why shouldn't we each be one of those people... so long as we're not putting ourselves in jeopardy (unless you like that sort of thing)

But now, by the Grace of God, through all the emotional bullshit, heartbreak and just plain, "why the fock would you DO that, dude?" I.am.still.ticking... so because of that... I am going to LIVE

...for as long as I can, man.

Uncanny... Or God?

SO, I have been on this spiritual battlefield for a few months. I've picked up everything from The Qur’an, the King James version of The Bible, The New World Translation version, and a "Born Again" pamphlet I was given some years back off my bookshelf alone; I've Googled Buddism and African Methodist Episcopal, and even non denominational, lol... just all around random goodness.

Monday, I got a very looong message from someone studying a religion, but not yet baptized. In that email, there were a lot of accusations and just plain hurtful, accusatory words. While I don't hold that against the religion he studies... I did wonder what the hell is the point. A person of that same religion has been a royal pain in my ass for the last three years... a huge contradiction, an full of all the things her religion says no to... what's the point?

But I feel like there's a void.

Tuesday, I was invited to church by one of the biggest sinners I know. lol Telling me I need to get into a church home. What's the point?

Wednesday, IMing with my friend:
1:58:27 PM RBG: I think I need some more Jesus in my life, twin... but I am confused
1:59:15 PM L: about what?
1:59:42 PM L: don't be over there having 'like Mike' episodes, we don't have to be totally alike
2:00:05 PM RBG: me and organized religion don't really work out so well
2:00:17 PM RBG: trying to decide which is like choosing a job
2:00:25 PM L: so why choose?
2:00:35 PM RBG: *shrugs* aren't you supposed to?
2:00:42 PM L: I hope not
2:00:43 PM L: lol
2:00:54 PM RBG: lol
2:01:09 PM L: There are non denominational churches out there now
2:01:22 PM L: and I tried even w/the smaller church, it just wasn't me
2:02:05 PM RBG: a non denominational smaller church?
2:02:18 PM RBG: I've found non-denoms to be a lil bit too cultish
2:02:23 PM L: I think it was COGIC
2:02:40 PM L: the problem there was they just wanted everybody involved
2:02:49 PM L: and I like involvement in what I want
2:02:52 PM RBG: right
2:02:55 PM L: not chatty Cathy's in my business
2:02:55 PM RBG: don't pressure me
2:03:19 PM L: exactly

What's the point?

The point is, my own personal relationship with God aside (I've always been the person to say, it doesn't matter what your religion, but your personal relationship with God that will be the determining factor but let's face it) it lacks proper guidance. I currently TRY to pray all the time. Instead of JUST when I need something or when something goes wrong, but I'm noticing more and more prayers of convenience. I'm not sure if being honest about that is a strike for or against me... but it is the truth.

Thursday morning, a well-dressed young man and his adorable son (maybe 5 or 6 years old) came to my house to talk about what I think about people who say "everyone goes to Heaven." And I was stunned, cause I'm like hmmm... "I've never heard that everyone goes to heaven." So we talked scriptures and compared Bibles and he gave me a pamphlet. The title of that pamphlet?

"How Can You Choose a Good Religion?"

I was really blown away. So now I am reading it from cover to cover to see if it can offer some of the answers I seek.

Just out of curiosity... what is your religion? Were you born into it or did you choose it or both? Do you even believe you need religion? Why or why not? It's times like this when I really miss my strong following... hopefully there will be some hits because I would really like to know how people feel about this.

What Do You Interpret It To Mean?

"The most terrible fight is not when there is one opinion against another, the most terrible is when two men say the same thing and fight about the interpretation and his interpretation involves a difference of quality."
~ Danish Philosopher Soren Kierkegaard

"Leave interpretation to us poets!"
~ RBG... Poetry Slam 1999

My Star Player

I did the entire workout this morning after missing my workout yesterday... next week and weeks after, I commit to getting them all in. All five in succession with the plan. I had some Trinidadian food on Saturday meeting my Soror and her mom for a lunch invite ("anything to keep you in the now!") so I admit I ate my leftovers for breakfast... not only because they were delicious but because it gets them out the way. :)

I think my way to approach it today was the best... because I am admittedly out of shape, I did the first 25 minutes to my highest energy level making low-impact modifications where necessary and then took a short 2-3 minute break while drinking lots of water and then finished the last 20 minutes with the same intensity. It worked out. I still have to do the Ab Burner... but that'll be an after lunch deal. I meditated my way into sleep last night at 10 p.m. A long emotionally taxing weekend came to a close to sounds of the Serengeti and I woke up feeling a bit better, safer.

I love meditation. It is my time for a release, a relaxation, a prayer, a moment to regain clarity. It's a lot deeper than people give it credit. It's not a weird cult-like activity either. For me, it's no different than people who have alters in their home and pray to their God of choice. Use the chart below for a very brief visual of the act of meditation.


In other news, I am going to take the week (spring break) to start reading a book on time management... I am usually a pretty good judge of time and can multi-task very well. I am also rather organized but I have found, admittedly, in my mom time it's a little more difficult to completely 100% plan for two people. I need to refresher course and figure out a better plan of action to keep a decent home widout letting time wid my child and living my life fall by the wayside and keeing an extraordinary child widout letting my home fall by the wayside! :)

Since we got snow... again! I am gonna take the day to get a lot accomplished in the house. It's not supposed to warm back up till Wednesday, so thankfully I have a full cupboard/fridge and not many errands to make happen. So I can concentrate on getting home and heart in order, relax some, get some doc and dentist appts in on Wed and Thurs., Memorial, and gear up for Good Friday. I think in honor of 5 years after entering Zeta Land I will celebrate by hitting up some Chicago night life. We'll see which way the wind blows.

I am re-determined. I feel so silly for so many reasons but am using this as a real pause to the madness and getting my ish together for the unltimate good. I have a lot of positive things in my future... and I will no longer be deterred. As Katt would say, "get in tune with your mothef*ckin star player!"

Make this week a great one... you only get one life to live!

Sympathy

"The most unloving thing one can do is fire back at someone they claim to love wid angry words of emotion... just because he/she was hurting." ~ RBG

"You better watch who you beef wid."
~ Can-i-bus

I spoke of PPC yesterday... a man who appeared on paper to be my soul mate. You'd probably noticed, one thing I didn't do was bad mouth him... even though there left lots of room to do so. He was the first boyfriend of mine who was incredibly against a civil dissolution of love. I'd never experienced such anger and humiliation until I saw a bag of garbage thrown across the room just because I was ending our love affair, for just cause. I would experience it a couple times more since then... PPC bad mouthed me to our mutual friend, that I was disloyal and left when he needed me most. Luckily she knew the truth behind it all and knew if nothing else, I was the most loyal... we just weren't as compatible as I would have prayed. And while there was PLENTY I coulda went hard on him about, like real motherlovin problems... I never did. Even when he sent me a return mail (months later, I mailed to see how he was doing and to tell him I missed him and perhaps I could have handled things differently) with the most brutal attacks on my character I have ever read and heard... ever... about.me?

Then there was Blast, the one who put me on blast on his blog because I didn't really see room in my life for a long-distance relationship. He wasn't that bad in comparison... plus he did it in a discreet way where I was the only one who knew what the eff he was talking about. His opinion was that I was missing out on something without at least giving him a shot because of what had happened to me in the past wid LD relationships. He very well could have been right. But if don't nobody else know my mental... I do. And it's best I follow my first mind before I succumb to terms of endearment.

I read in a "friendly" letter yesterday, that someone dear to my heart didn't know whether " to hate (me) or feel sorry for (me)." I can't lie Blogsphere, it stung to hear someone I trusted and believed in, more than he originally believed in himself, to speak to me with a daggerous tongue. Knowing I don't viciously attack anyone... especially him. Knowing he continued a "relationship" for much too long wid someone who hurt him, emotionally attacked him and the foul shit he did in return... reading that let me know, as a best friend, I was not above the anger.

But I digress. He felt sorry for me because I didn't settle for a husband when one was looking me in the face. On a day/night (my father's born day) where every person who cared about me in my life was trying to keep me from being sad, thinking too much, being emotional, crying over my Daddy, reinstilling in me why they love me, because I love life... this friend was feeling sorry for and/or hating me. We already know it takes too much inner-g to hate someone, so I won't spend time on that one. But let's debrief about what is sympathy exactly?

sym⋅pa⋅thy

  /ˈsɪmpəθi/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [sim-puh-thee] noun, plural -thies, adjective –noun

harmony of or agreement in feeling, as between persons or on the part of one person with respect to another.

the harmony of feeling naturally existing between persons of like tastes or opinion or of congenial dispositions.

the fact or power of sharing the feelings of another, esp. in sorrow or trouble; fellow feeling, compassion, or commiseration.

sympathies, a. feelings or impulses of compassion. b. feelings of favor, support, or loyalty: It's hard to tell where your sympathies lie.

favorable or approving accord; favor or approval: He viewed the plan with sympathy and publicly backed it.

agreement, consonance, or accord.

Nice right? Only problem is, he doesn't sympathize he feels sorry.... for.me? That is not nice. Hate is definitely not nice. But I had to examine further. So he feels sorry for me because I thought to work on self before committing to someone. Is this how we weigh personal fulfillment? In the responsibility of another? Cause then how is it personal?

" But Gypsy woman as you approach 30 you will have to set down somewhere, as a mother of (The) wonderful Sun."

Sit down somewhere? As if I am out of control? Or reckless? Say word, friend? I am anything BUT. I've been a great mother to my Sun. A.fucking.great.one. For nearing three years this September. When he was conceived. I walked throughout my pregnancy and did yoga and water aerobics. I stopped drinking, smoking my occasional cigar or even being around second-hand smoke. I had him vaginally, and naturally, and it was the most beautiful moment I've ever experienced. I took him to the doctor on schedule, vaccinated on time, asked the doctors all kindsa "crazy new mom" questions to be on top of my game. Left unstable situations, despite the womanly fear to be alone, because I know what's best for him. I play wid him for at least two hours everyday and some days... hell, many days... are just about him. This life thing, now is just about him. To set(tle) down SOMEWHERE to me suggests settle down anywhere. And THAT my friend, is something the true Mother of the Sun, Dawta of Light, just will never do. Whether I am approaching 30 or 300.

I'm hurt, cause not only do I never attack my friend on what HE should work on, have, be doing at his older age (instead always focusing on what I can fix in self and only being supportive of my friend recognizing potential he failed to see) but it.really... sucks that in a land of so much opportunity, in two thousand and nine, for Pete's sake, a woman who actually leaves her house to physically GO to work for 40 hours a month and still makes more than the standard household income for a single mom (hey, I ain't rich, but TRUST I do aite! and only a few months young in this consulting thang) a woman who owns her own car, has her own home, a woman who pays her bills on time with astonishingly sexy credit score, a woman who raises her sun extremely well given the cards dealt, feeds him nutritious foods, who is conscious, healthy, caring, educated two times over, can be felt sorry for because she doesn't have a husband. Or isn't settling on one. This is bullshit.

And just because I am angry in return I still won't dagger my tongue. That friend was important to me. I truly love him. I still pray for him. But "drunk lips" don't lie... and I know now at least a piece of what he was really thinking when I was emotionally battling what to do about my husband in training. What that judgmental friend clearly will never understand is that it was a hard... extremely hard... decision to make. But I made it for the best interest of everyone. I suggest my old friend, and even my ex-husband in training, take a look at themselves before feeling sorry for me. Like I look at myself... widout ever having the disgusting gall to feel sorry for him.



"People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you will know exactly what to do."
~ Anonymous

(Current) Thought Process... of a Gypsy.

I am rethinking a lot of things and purging a lot of stress and aggravation...
I have come across a great many revelations in the past several months since freedom...
I am ready for the rebirth of Sanni...
I have been holding back from myself... I have been scared.
I can't choose the way people act, live, love, treat me, respond, but I can choose how I RE-act.
I am battling the pros and cons...
I am sad at the mental state of others...
I am secure in myself.
I love hard... so it means something when I don't.
I re-need clarity. I am ))centering(( of self.
But can no longer be self... centered.
I meditate for peace...
I sit in the bask of The Sun for peace...
I am regaining spirituality where it counts...
I am a p u
z
z le...
I have all the pieces, but am still putting it together...
I have 9 months to figure it out...
That is when the childishness and fun of 20s can't be used as an excuse anymore...
I am making a way out of none.
I am not going to worry about toma...
I am going to start treating others how I would want to be treated...
... respected. Whether it hurts me or not...
I am righting wrongs... Whether it hurts you or not.
Taking responsibility for my actions...
Taking a time out...
No more flags on the play...
I am thinking...
I've been a good person, but there is always room for improvement.
"I was born under a wandering star"... Gypsy free. Gypsy me.

© 2009 CZS / RBG



image source: mary croppins... "gypsy" border

Let The Training Commence...

In all the silly chaos, I forgot to mention my workout arrived. I am so very excited to get it gwan.

I am reading through the literature first and then I will "officially" crack into it on Friday (because I like the schedule where Saturday is my rest day)... I will spend today and tomorrow familiarizing myself wid the moves, taking my photos and measurements and doing the "fit test."

Then my schedule will be Fri-workout; Sat-rest; Sun, Mon, Tues, Wed.-workout; Thurs-rest. This will also work in conjunction for when I do walks wid the Healthy Hikers group. Most walks will be on Thurs or Saturday... the first walks don't really gear up till the 23rd so hopefully by then my body will be conditioned a lil more to the workouts and walking won't be too much of a strain. I will definitely, definitely have to make time for stretching and if I'm lucky, big daddy massages. :)

I'm really excited to see my transformation. As I really miss being toned and lean.... 30.60.90.... I can dooooo it! :) For now, I'ma just focus on the first 30 though, as to not overwhelm myself... handle it in tiers as opposed to tears... ooh, I need to copyright that.


lol, she is crazy!

I really love Chalene, her teaching style reminds me of my own, very bubbly and funny but takes no sh*t. hahahaha

Let's go!

One Time For Ya Mind...

I'm thinking about detoxing... with every facet of my life pleasing me, my waistline started tryin to grow on me. I am double cursed because I eat when I am distressed and I eat when I get comfortable and happy with certain situations, people, relationships. Now, the comfortability wouldn't be such a bad thing if I was still in my best shape and as active as I once was. But I am working on that. (Which reminds me, I need to buy large index cards... I've started studying and I need the cards so TB and random strangers can help me study.) I am scheduled to take my certification exam on 3/28/09. (Which reminds me, I have to book my room for that Friday. Early morning test in the suburb.. I will not enjoy the ride.) Hmmm, I miss my memory. lol I think I look good at any weight... even when I was sitting at the door of 200 pounds, I thought I was hoooot so even though my lust handles bug me sometimes, the weight really isn't the issue... but mostly what's freaking me out... is how I feel. I miss my energy.

I still have a plenty, for those who know me. Kinda a spit fire... but if you can believe it... I used to have MORE. *suggestive eyebrow raise* I been finding a lot of old photos of "skinny me" lately and I guess I choose that as my sign to get it to friggin gether. I know there's a lot of opinions about detoxing and how it's ineffective and a "waste of time" and unhealthy, but whatever. I've done several safe ones. I'm weird, but I truly believe they rejuvenate you because they have you being one wid your body. They clear your mind, center you and release toxins as you rinse them out.* I guess I just think about how I've felt after them in the past... amazing. And since I already feel great wid everything in my life having greatness behind it... I imagine myself after this one feeling something near euphoric. I mean, really. Cleaner, lighter, brighter skin (after that ugly phase that comes wid detox) and a stronger core and clean palatte to start with as we welcome spring with all her glory and I release the butterfly... 2008 left off so great and 2009 has been magnificent thus far... and I'm gonna keep this peace wid me thru this year and until I leave this earth. (Dramatic, I know... but true.) I enjoy happiness... it feels great to say, "I'm happy" and really, really, really mean it.

Thank you, Jah for all the many blessings you have bestowed upon me thus far.... without your grace, where would I be? My family, my home, my love, my health... thank you. I know now, I am truly worthy

I'm ready to purge and spring clean to be truly truly free of all the yuckiness. Yah!

I wish I had a local buddy, detoxes are always easier wid a backbone, but I've done it solo before. But spring is the best time of the year to do a detox, so I am using that as my inspiration. I'm going to do the often-thought complex Master Cleanse (known in some circles as The Lemonade Diet) for 10-day detoxification. Break for 2-3 days as instructed. Then move into fresh juices and whole foods. 21 days total... then moving into JUST whole foods and high-quality H20... rounding out just in time for my exam. It's fool proof. *nervous face*

No coffee, nor alcohol, no meat, and well... I'll keep you posted! lol


*statements on detoxing are not approved by the FDA and no one should undergo a detox without first consulting his/her physician for guidance and safety

Restore.

So, here I sit watching my sun sleep (still working on that own bed thing, but let me go a few weeks without nursing first... Today marks week one: bay-bee steps for real) and wondering why the hell I am up... I woke up out of my sleep like I heard a gunshot, texting my dear friend in a foreign land where the sun is up and work days are just getting started where over here the moon sleeps. In a mere 10 days, we enter a new year of hope and change and (hopefully) prosperity.

With that being said... there are 22 days until my 29th birthday. I approach it cautiously as I think about what all it is I've done in 29 years on this earth. My first instinct was to note the negative... things I had NOT done by this time that I jus knew at 21 I would have done by now. And to be honest with you, I can only come up with two: by now I thought I would have been 1. married and 2. a homeowner. Out of a list of several, I am pleased to say that the fact that I haven't YET (cause I will at some point) done either of those things it does not discount what I HAVE accomplished. I can honestly say, I am unequivocally happy and blessed with all that life has afforded me.

I mean, I was blessed to be able to attend college nearly free of charge, graduated in four years. Got my first job 6 months out of college to begin my career. I pledged an organization I've loved for a long time, I've extensively traveled the country and (slightly) abroad. I've gotten an advance degree practically free of charge. I've been in the presence of some great people. I've met and cried with the late Gwendolyn Brooks. I've laughed with Maya Angelou. I've sat on the top step of the Lincoln Memorial. I've loved and lost. I gave natural birth do a beautiful, healthy baby boy. I own a nice vehicle. I have a great credit score. I pay my bills on time. I just moved into a a wonderful home. I nor my sun, need for anything. I have great friends. I'm smart. Not bad on the eyes. Well spoken. Well versed. Quite spiritual. Try to be a good person....

Why do we forget all the good when we look into the eyes of a person who we don't feel is on our level, but somehow managed to steal our lover, get the promotion we were vying for, get married before we do, purchase a home before us... why do we discount all our good shit at the mere thought of someone else?

I vow today to never forget why I am so fricking awesome. And that's not being cocky... just sayin, I'm not half bad and I should always remember that. No man, no job, no person (other than the Creator and my child) should have to help me remember that.

I am gonna restore myself in 2009... remember the girl I used to be, the woman I've become and embrace life and the new things that it's offering me. I am going to stop living in the past. I am going to stop wondering what if and just act... and maybe what if will become "we did." I'm going to be happy and reflect it in everything I do. I am going to pray and meditate when negative thoughts try to fuck with my psyche. I am going to do and be better than what they think I am. I'm going to smile because I am blessed versus frown because you are an idiot. (Not YOU, dear reader... general you.)

I'm going to blog more.

I'm going to notice blessings and thank Jah for them. I am going to find a spiritual home. I am going to get healthier (again... and stay that way). I am going to get lifted.

All this falls under one New Year's "resolution": RESTORE. Me.

For shits and giggles... I am resurrecting this from the old RBG blog (man I miss that blog... boots to me for deleting it... I would have such a strong following by now. Restore.)

99 Things to Do In Life
Do this simple exercise with me to measure what you've done and what to do next. I'll put stars next to the one's I've done. (51/99 ~ not bad in 28 years... I'ma get started on most of the rest. A few I just have NO interest in doing like #77 and #99 lol)

1. Started my own blog*
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band* (Our first song was a not-so-great rendition of "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" ... I was a drummer.
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower*
6. Given more than you can afford to charity* (My sororal dues count too, I imagine.)
7. Been to Disneyland/world*
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo*
11. Bungee jumped*
12. Visited Paris (I will make this a two-fer when I go visit my best friend in London. Day trip to Paris, anyone?)
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea (This would be such a dangerous turnon.)
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch*
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning *
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty*
18. Grown your own vegetables*
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France (See 12)
20. Slept on an overnight train*
21. Had a pillow fight*
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill*
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping*
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse*
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset*
31. Hit a home run*
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors*
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language*
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied*
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke*
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant*
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight*
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted* (Caricature count?)
48. Gone deep sea fishing*
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris (#12)
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling*
52. Taken a walk in the rain*
53. Played in the mud*
54. Gone to a drive-in theater*
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business*
58. Taken a martial arts class*
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason*
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma*
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy*
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial*
71. Eaten caviar*
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square*
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job*
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London (#12)
77. Broken a bone (Don't wanna do this one in life... sorry)
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle*
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car*
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper*
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House*
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating*
88. Had chickenpox*
89. Saved someone’s life*
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous*
92. Joined a book club*
93. Lost a loved one*
94. Had a baby*
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone*
99. Been stung by a bee