Please God, Let it Begin!

I stumbled upon this site today and I was like WOW... where have you been all my life!? I really love what's going on here! And I am hitting the Chicago premiere of "You Saved Me" with some homegirls...

Enjoy this read, an excerpt from their blog. Between them, the Obamas, Kindred the Family Soul, and the Owens... I am starting to believe that a real, successful happily ever after can exist... from the first family to the normal family... to my family... *crosses fingers... prays... does a couple hail Mary's... throws salt... clicks heels together*

Please God, Don't Let It End!!!

By Lamar and Ronnie Tyler on June 29, 2010 6:52 AM

by Ronnie Tyler

Hubby: Hey boo

Me: Hey babes we miss u

Hubby: Follow my tweets today

Me: Ok

My husband and I were texting as he attended an all day social media conference a few weeks ago. I love him to death!! And when we are apart, I miss him dearly. And when he comes home after being away, I am so excited to see him. Please God, don't let this feeling end!!

We have been together for 7 years and married for almost five years. When people see us, they think our love is so cute. When they ask how long we've been married, they say: "Oh you are newlyweds." Newlyweds?? Since when does being married for 5 years make you a newlywed??? Wikipedia says that you are considered a newlywed: if you have been married for less than one or two years, or until you have kids, or until you stop behaving like newlyweds (i.e. laughing, playing, having lots of sex, etc.) Well we have been married for almost 5 years, we have 4 kids (a blended family) and we have not stopped acting like newlyweds!! Please God, don't let it end!!

It's almost like people expect you to grow apart and to just settle into a routine that does not include having fun, being excited about each other, being playful, etc. While I know that everyday life can get hectic, stressful, busy, tiring...etc, I don't believe that I have to settle for a life without playful moments, missing someone, having a friend, a lover, and a boo .

So how do we plan to keep the excitement alive? As Ayize and Aiyana say, we will be intentional about making our marriage work by:

• Continuously working on our marriage (education, workshops, reading materials, counseling...whatever it takes to keep it strong.)
• Continue to date each other and ensure that set aside quality time to spend with each other
• Continue to be affectionate with each other (daily hugs, kisses and I love yous...)

After dating my husband for a couple of months, I called my friend that introduced us and said Lamar is a sweetie pie. And almost 7 years later, he's still my sweetie pie...my boo. Please God, don't let it end!!

Essence family, how do you keep the excitement alive in your marriage and relationships?

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com. They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage and the newly released You Saved Me. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

*pulled from Essence

I'm Just Lovin' ME For a Moment

Pardon me... I'm just loving me for a moment this morning.

I woke up this morning to the smell of my conditioned hair...
As I lay in my satin sheets, I noticed the beautiful outline of my vessel.

It came to me...
I am a resurrected vessel... Beautiful. Moving into another level of wholeness. I think I ought to love ME this morning..

Pardon me... I'm just loving ME for a moment this morning

I woke up this morning to the pattern of my own shadow; I cannot only see it but I can appreciate it. If a perfect God can take that much time in molding ME, loving ME, cherishing ME, reshaping ME... then surely I am worth loving me...

Pardon me... I'm just loving ME for a moment this morning

I woke up this morning alone, but not lonely. I got tired of waiting for someone to put ice in my soda, milk in my tea, jam on my biscuits, peas in my rice, and soap on my back.

I am not alone.

I have me.... I have me.... I have ME....
and then I have the omnipresent God who has made me...
When I put the ice in my soda... He stands there observing me...
ready to suggest creative ways to set my table.

Pardon me... I'm just loving ME for a moment this morning

I woke up this morning and beheld the beautiful reflection of a five-foot-something frame; a soft smile, a shiny nose , medium length hair, brown-skinned complexion, and a Biblically perfect shape. I leaned forward and kissed the mirror... "I LOVE YOU, GIRL!" Not because of your external beauty... Not because Mama said you were beautiful... Not because a man told you you were beautiful, NO!

Because God values... YOU!
Because God loves... YOU!
When I look at all your attributes, and I think about what God has predestined you to become... I can only say that I LOVE you..

For all the battles you've conquered...
For the tears you've shed...
For the negative words that shot you down...
For the pain you've overcome...
For the growth you've sustained... I LOVE YOU, Girl..

Pardon me... I'm just loving ME for a moment this morning

~Minister Nina Clark~

What Do You Interpret It To Mean?

"The most terrible fight is not when there is one opinion against another, the most terrible is when two men say the same thing and fight about the interpretation and his interpretation involves a difference of quality."
~ Danish Philosopher Soren Kierkegaard

"Leave interpretation to us poets!"
~ RBG... Poetry Slam 1999

Sympathy

"The most unloving thing one can do is fire back at someone they claim to love wid angry words of emotion... just because he/she was hurting." ~ RBG

"You better watch who you beef wid."
~ Can-i-bus

I spoke of PPC yesterday... a man who appeared on paper to be my soul mate. You'd probably noticed, one thing I didn't do was bad mouth him... even though there left lots of room to do so. He was the first boyfriend of mine who was incredibly against a civil dissolution of love. I'd never experienced such anger and humiliation until I saw a bag of garbage thrown across the room just because I was ending our love affair, for just cause. I would experience it a couple times more since then... PPC bad mouthed me to our mutual friend, that I was disloyal and left when he needed me most. Luckily she knew the truth behind it all and knew if nothing else, I was the most loyal... we just weren't as compatible as I would have prayed. And while there was PLENTY I coulda went hard on him about, like real motherlovin problems... I never did. Even when he sent me a return mail (months later, I mailed to see how he was doing and to tell him I missed him and perhaps I could have handled things differently) with the most brutal attacks on my character I have ever read and heard... ever... about.me?

Then there was Blast, the one who put me on blast on his blog because I didn't really see room in my life for a long-distance relationship. He wasn't that bad in comparison... plus he did it in a discreet way where I was the only one who knew what the eff he was talking about. His opinion was that I was missing out on something without at least giving him a shot because of what had happened to me in the past wid LD relationships. He very well could have been right. But if don't nobody else know my mental... I do. And it's best I follow my first mind before I succumb to terms of endearment.

I read in a "friendly" letter yesterday, that someone dear to my heart didn't know whether " to hate (me) or feel sorry for (me)." I can't lie Blogsphere, it stung to hear someone I trusted and believed in, more than he originally believed in himself, to speak to me with a daggerous tongue. Knowing I don't viciously attack anyone... especially him. Knowing he continued a "relationship" for much too long wid someone who hurt him, emotionally attacked him and the foul shit he did in return... reading that let me know, as a best friend, I was not above the anger.

But I digress. He felt sorry for me because I didn't settle for a husband when one was looking me in the face. On a day/night (my father's born day) where every person who cared about me in my life was trying to keep me from being sad, thinking too much, being emotional, crying over my Daddy, reinstilling in me why they love me, because I love life... this friend was feeling sorry for and/or hating me. We already know it takes too much inner-g to hate someone, so I won't spend time on that one. But let's debrief about what is sympathy exactly?

sym⋅pa⋅thy

  /ˈsɪmpəθi/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [sim-puh-thee] noun, plural -thies, adjective –noun

harmony of or agreement in feeling, as between persons or on the part of one person with respect to another.

the harmony of feeling naturally existing between persons of like tastes or opinion or of congenial dispositions.

the fact or power of sharing the feelings of another, esp. in sorrow or trouble; fellow feeling, compassion, or commiseration.

sympathies, a. feelings or impulses of compassion. b. feelings of favor, support, or loyalty: It's hard to tell where your sympathies lie.

favorable or approving accord; favor or approval: He viewed the plan with sympathy and publicly backed it.

agreement, consonance, or accord.

Nice right? Only problem is, he doesn't sympathize he feels sorry.... for.me? That is not nice. Hate is definitely not nice. But I had to examine further. So he feels sorry for me because I thought to work on self before committing to someone. Is this how we weigh personal fulfillment? In the responsibility of another? Cause then how is it personal?

" But Gypsy woman as you approach 30 you will have to set down somewhere, as a mother of (The) wonderful Sun."

Sit down somewhere? As if I am out of control? Or reckless? Say word, friend? I am anything BUT. I've been a great mother to my Sun. A.fucking.great.one. For nearing three years this September. When he was conceived. I walked throughout my pregnancy and did yoga and water aerobics. I stopped drinking, smoking my occasional cigar or even being around second-hand smoke. I had him vaginally, and naturally, and it was the most beautiful moment I've ever experienced. I took him to the doctor on schedule, vaccinated on time, asked the doctors all kindsa "crazy new mom" questions to be on top of my game. Left unstable situations, despite the womanly fear to be alone, because I know what's best for him. I play wid him for at least two hours everyday and some days... hell, many days... are just about him. This life thing, now is just about him. To set(tle) down SOMEWHERE to me suggests settle down anywhere. And THAT my friend, is something the true Mother of the Sun, Dawta of Light, just will never do. Whether I am approaching 30 or 300.

I'm hurt, cause not only do I never attack my friend on what HE should work on, have, be doing at his older age (instead always focusing on what I can fix in self and only being supportive of my friend recognizing potential he failed to see) but it.really... sucks that in a land of so much opportunity, in two thousand and nine, for Pete's sake, a woman who actually leaves her house to physically GO to work for 40 hours a month and still makes more than the standard household income for a single mom (hey, I ain't rich, but TRUST I do aite! and only a few months young in this consulting thang) a woman who owns her own car, has her own home, a woman who pays her bills on time with astonishingly sexy credit score, a woman who raises her sun extremely well given the cards dealt, feeds him nutritious foods, who is conscious, healthy, caring, educated two times over, can be felt sorry for because she doesn't have a husband. Or isn't settling on one. This is bullshit.

And just because I am angry in return I still won't dagger my tongue. That friend was important to me. I truly love him. I still pray for him. But "drunk lips" don't lie... and I know now at least a piece of what he was really thinking when I was emotionally battling what to do about my husband in training. What that judgmental friend clearly will never understand is that it was a hard... extremely hard... decision to make. But I made it for the best interest of everyone. I suggest my old friend, and even my ex-husband in training, take a look at themselves before feeling sorry for me. Like I look at myself... widout ever having the disgusting gall to feel sorry for him.



"People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you will know exactly what to do."
~ Anonymous

(Current) Thought Process... of a Gypsy.

I am rethinking a lot of things and purging a lot of stress and aggravation...
I have come across a great many revelations in the past several months since freedom...
I am ready for the rebirth of Sanni...
I have been holding back from myself... I have been scared.
I can't choose the way people act, live, love, treat me, respond, but I can choose how I RE-act.
I am battling the pros and cons...
I am sad at the mental state of others...
I am secure in myself.
I love hard... so it means something when I don't.
I re-need clarity. I am ))centering(( of self.
But can no longer be self... centered.
I meditate for peace...
I sit in the bask of The Sun for peace...
I am regaining spirituality where it counts...
I am a p u
z
z le...
I have all the pieces, but am still putting it together...
I have 9 months to figure it out...
That is when the childishness and fun of 20s can't be used as an excuse anymore...
I am making a way out of none.
I am not going to worry about toma...
I am going to start treating others how I would want to be treated...
... respected. Whether it hurts me or not...
I am righting wrongs... Whether it hurts you or not.
Taking responsibility for my actions...
Taking a time out...
No more flags on the play...
I am thinking...
I've been a good person, but there is always room for improvement.
"I was born under a wandering star"... Gypsy free. Gypsy me.

© 2009 CZS / RBG



image source: mary croppins... "gypsy" border

I'm not scared... but...

I heard it on Sirius XM in my whip on Tuesday morning...
Tuesday afternoon, I immediately had to cop it on iTunes and had to play it loudly...
Because it is so so so so me.
I won't give up on love... I can't but even if it keeps smackin me dead across the face.. I gotta keep trying. I will fail, stumble, fall... but must keep it moving forward... no more looking back.

I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears (no I'm not)
But I'm scared of (loving you)
I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair (that's right)
But I'm scared of (loving you)
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task
Why it don't last? Is that too much to ask?
Why do we love Love,
When Love seems to hate us?

Sorry if I sound so filled with gloom.
You say you care, and I know you do...
But this is from my experience
And my conclusion only makes sense.
Just cause I love you, and you love me
It doesn't mean that we're meant to be.
I can climb mountains, swim cross the seas
But the most frightening thing is you and me.

I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears (no I'm not)
But I'm scared of (loving you)
I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair (that's right)
But I'm scared of (loving you)
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task
Why it don't last? Is that too much to ask?
Why do we love Love,
When Love seems to hate us?

Most circumstances, I know my fate
But in this love thang, I don't get the game.
Why does it feel like those who give in,
They only wind up losing a friend.
Just cause I love you and you love me,
It doesn't mean that we'll ever be.
Fly cross the ocean, sing for the queen
But the most frightening thing is you and me.

I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears (no I'm not)
But I'm scared of (loving you)
I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair (that's right)
But I'm scared of (loving you)
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task
Why it don't last? Is that too much to ask?
Why do we love Love,
When Love seems to hate us?

I'm sure though I'm not sure
But if we never try, We'll never know
It's better to have loved then not to loved at all.
Not trying is worse than to stumble and fall
And if we do, I'd rather it be with you
Cause at least there will be sweet memories.
Oh I'm not scared...

I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears (no I'm not)
But I'm scared of (loving you)
I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair (that's right)
But I'm scared of (loving you)
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task
Why it don't last? Is that too much to ask?
Why do we love Love,
When Love seems to hate us?
~ Jazmine Sullivan
Lions, Tigers and Bears
Album: Fearless... cop it.

... Pawed feet ... all over my heart...

If You Don't Know Me By Now...

"you will never, never, ever know me... Oooooh."

~ Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes

"A man who truly, sincerely loves you, will adore you, will think of bein' with no other and he'll respect you and your privacy. He'll be more than eager to hear all you have to tell him but he will understand and respect your need for space."

“Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart it it, take yourself out of it."

~ Anonymous