The Tangled Web

"Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive!"

~Sir Walter Scott

My homeboy is finally... finally preparing to pop the question to his long-time girlfriend and the mother of his child. And as awesome as that news is, he's got a bit of a problem. His ex-wife and mother of his first child. She is not taking his recent change of heart well... well, because up until he had this change of heart he was still very much doing inappropriate things with her. Not sex. At least not that he's told me about. (And I'm 85% sure he would've shared that) but other things like texting her he wants her "sooo bad" when he and the Mrs. haven't had sex for a few days. Or paying for her hair do/outfit, just because. Or doing family activities with their child and his child by his girl (WITHOUT his girl).... so when he finally decided to change his order... she changed her attitude. All of a sudden, the things he does aren't good enough.... the way he SHOULD have been interacting with her before, that he's NOW finally doing is unacceptable, because she's not used to it... because it's proper. And HE seems confused that she's trippin. lol

You.Know.Gatdamn.Well!

He's told me to my face that he knows things would never work with this girl, so my question to him would be well why on earth do you get her hopes up and do things that make her think you're SO unhappy with your relationship? Let him be irritated with the Mrs. you can definitely catch him texting her that he wished he'd stopped by after work before coming home. Like, do you think that's RIGHT? (It's not.) Why do you let her text you pictures of herself when she knows you're with someone? Not your kid, but her. Now, *I* respond to inappropriate texts/picture mails with silence... nothing makes it clearer. Some people ask their culprit to stop / not do that. But HE replies with "Well, don't you look great" or "Nice!" You can't be sending mixed signals and shit and then wonder why she's mad you're finally concentrating on your family, where your head should have been the whole time. And don't have cheated on her or been a ho when ya'll were together... because she's gonna suspect that you're still a ho, and that your behavior is in your nature. So when you do un-ho / changed man-like things, she's confused.

I write this blog not to scold my boy (really) but just as a message that we DO create our own problems a lot of the time. A frat brother of mine who recently found out he had another son by a new BM, had a similar story to tell. We were discussing how his new BM felt about the way he treated HER (not his new son) but her, and that he had to break it down to her.

"(New BM) says I used to be sweet and patient. I told her I still am...just aint finna talk and deal with whatif's. (That was) part of my gross mistake with (Ex-Girlfriend) and why it took/is taking so long to rectify. (My inability to separate the two) is part of the reason me and (Original BM) couldn't be in the same room with each other for years... You can't serve two masters. You either in or out. Gonna learn from my mistakes..."

Well!

My boy could take a lesson from this. He is CONSTANTLY doing what ifs with his ex wife... constantly. She'll text about, "remember when we got married?" "Remember when you bought my ring?" Of course he remembers! He was there. Entertaining these kinds of conversations and going back down memory lane are never any good for anyone... unless of course you want to be back with someone. Sends the wrong message. And it's important to learn this early... before he gets married (if that's what he really wants to do) so he continues to send a congruent message that he's all about his family and his (future) wife. That doesn't mean his relationship with the ex is over... of course not. They have a kid. But their relationship is supposed to change.

It has to change.

"We parents... ain't gone be nothing more and I ain't finna talk bout us or what happened or any of that. We have set times and communication. Can't move on if we still wondering."

This relates back to one of my posts (if not several).... eventually we're all going to have to pick a path. And do what is necessary to make that path work. You simply cannot, to use my frat brother's words, "serve two masters" because it's gonna come back to bite you. Hard. Where are you going to lay your head? Where are you going to exhaust your energy and time? Let that be one place. Send a congruent message to your ex. EX-communicate the bullshit. Because it does nothing but create bigger problems when you've had your epiphany. Don't let the past stifle a future.

Keep growing, my friends! The life that awaits is fantastic! Trust me... we full grown!

Please God, Let it Begin!

I stumbled upon this site today and I was like WOW... where have you been all my life!? I really love what's going on here! And I am hitting the Chicago premiere of "You Saved Me" with some homegirls...

Enjoy this read, an excerpt from their blog. Between them, the Obamas, Kindred the Family Soul, and the Owens... I am starting to believe that a real, successful happily ever after can exist... from the first family to the normal family... to my family... *crosses fingers... prays... does a couple hail Mary's... throws salt... clicks heels together*

Please God, Don't Let It End!!!

By Lamar and Ronnie Tyler on June 29, 2010 6:52 AM

by Ronnie Tyler

Hubby: Hey boo

Me: Hey babes we miss u

Hubby: Follow my tweets today

Me: Ok

My husband and I were texting as he attended an all day social media conference a few weeks ago. I love him to death!! And when we are apart, I miss him dearly. And when he comes home after being away, I am so excited to see him. Please God, don't let this feeling end!!

We have been together for 7 years and married for almost five years. When people see us, they think our love is so cute. When they ask how long we've been married, they say: "Oh you are newlyweds." Newlyweds?? Since when does being married for 5 years make you a newlywed??? Wikipedia says that you are considered a newlywed: if you have been married for less than one or two years, or until you have kids, or until you stop behaving like newlyweds (i.e. laughing, playing, having lots of sex, etc.) Well we have been married for almost 5 years, we have 4 kids (a blended family) and we have not stopped acting like newlyweds!! Please God, don't let it end!!

It's almost like people expect you to grow apart and to just settle into a routine that does not include having fun, being excited about each other, being playful, etc. While I know that everyday life can get hectic, stressful, busy, tiring...etc, I don't believe that I have to settle for a life without playful moments, missing someone, having a friend, a lover, and a boo .

So how do we plan to keep the excitement alive? As Ayize and Aiyana say, we will be intentional about making our marriage work by:

• Continuously working on our marriage (education, workshops, reading materials, counseling...whatever it takes to keep it strong.)
• Continue to date each other and ensure that set aside quality time to spend with each other
• Continue to be affectionate with each other (daily hugs, kisses and I love yous...)

After dating my husband for a couple of months, I called my friend that introduced us and said Lamar is a sweetie pie. And almost 7 years later, he's still my sweetie pie...my boo. Please God, don't let it end!!

Essence family, how do you keep the excitement alive in your marriage and relationships?

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the creators of the award-winning blog BlackandMarriedWithKids.com. They also are behind the Amazon.com bestselling DVDs Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage and the newly released You Saved Me. The Tylers are also the proud parents of four children.

*pulled from Essence

It Ain't Cheatin Till...

*sings*Him and her, as far as can be... S-E-X-T-I-N-G
First comes emotion, then comes regret, then comes a problem they can't soon forget.

I miss the time of unlocked cell phones and trusting mates... technology has really taken a turn since our younger years. I remember when I had the young Smart Beep pager, remember when 4-3-7-7-0 and 1-4-3 were cute little codes, remember when phones didn't have lock codes... what are you hiding in there anyways? With all the SEXTING rage and things that have hit close to home for me in the past of my mate textually pouring his heart out to the wrong girl, I often worry that this will ultimately be the figurative death of my relationship... a friend of mine just recently found something very disturbing in her man's cellphone... and as someone who's been there, I could only sympathize with her. They always say, seek and you shall find. But some shit, you're just supposed to know.... some shit you're supposed to TELL your mate. Sexting, I'm learning is looked at as something that's "not that bad." If a woman sends a pic of her pu$$y or ass, or her doing a sexual act, it's like looked over as NOT being disrespectful... but isn't it? I mean, porn is one thing but sexting and video conferencing masturbation from an ex who you can easily talk to or see any given minute of the day/week... is that not disrespectful to the homefront?

I ask cause I want clarification... I mean, being a flirt, I can often remember catching myself harmlessly doing so with a complete stranger while getting my car out of valet or walkin through a mall if I'm spoken to first, but no numbers were exchanged and definitely no pics of body parts sent. When I was single, one person used to send me penis shots... just random penis shots I guess to give me a preview... when I got them then I would smile and send something flirty... when I told that person I was now in a relationship all of a sudden the random penis shots stopped. I guess that's the difference in someone who really wants to work on their relationship vs. someone who's just always gonna continue to do whatever the fock he/she wants... no matter how their partner feels about it?

And then the question of "is it really that big a deal?" comes into play... but isn't it? Conversations of that nature, ESPECIALLY with someone you used to physically DO just ain't cool... she sending pics of her half nekkid in the bathroom for pic IDs and shit... ugh... and ya'll wonder why I worry about the future of relationships? Really? We do some dumb sh*t... and often... with little regard for the other person. A complete and utter "single till you're married" approach to love and life... but what a way to show you care? right? Versus like acting accordingly. Not saying I'm perfect... I'm certainly not... but I miss the days of unlocked cell phones... the days where people didn't have to delete threads of conversations and their entire email inbox to destroy all the disrespectful shit they do when their mate isn't looking... would you have deleted it if she couldn't find it? Why were you doing it in the first place?? I'm so nervous ya'll... I can only keep praying that Jehovah has something better for MY relationship and that I won't have to go through that once again... I couldn't trust easily again if I did. And would a locked cell phone now make me wonder? Absolutely... it's a product of my emotional environment. I am forever tarnished by that act... cause if I'm not doing it for you, I'd much rather you tell me and I can find somebody I do it (and oh so much more) for. Why waste our time if you're going to emotionally (or physically) cheat....

Is the "ain't cheating till you're married" the new phenomenon?? I mean, what's really the scientific reasoning to why people can't DO right? Why play these awful, awful games??? What ever happened to perfect practice makes perfect? Act in your relationship how you will when you're married and recognized by God! or get the hell on...

Am I overreacting?

I'm a 30 y/o unmarried woman... and I approve this message.

2009 Rewind...

2009, for me, was all about Love.
I can sum it up in just that one little powerful word.

I started a To Be Continued post on The Black Family a while black... and how it was dying. Dead. Kaput. This is my rewind of that.

While I DO still feel the Black Family has a loooong way to go, I no longer feel it's a lost cause... I think. I spoke to a friend of mine, a Married of several years, like 7 who is contemplating leaving the Sacred Union because there is little that can be done to restore it back to it's original goodness. With three little ones, a nice home, two cars, head of household at stake, it's difficult for many to see how someone could walk away. I feel bad for that friend, cause I know that Friend has been trying the hardest to keep things afloat in that marriage. It makes me wonder... not only about the Black Family but about this concept of forever..

"I want this shit forever mayne." ~ Drake

Forever is such a long time... and it often worries me. I mean, I think about a couple like my parents who suffered and survived every kind of problem a marriage could from alcoholism, anger management, heart attacks, infidelity to death, and still managed to look at each other lovingly after 27 years... and pray that at least the "lovingly" is in my future. I don't know that I have the patience or staying power to deal with a few of those things... but marriage says for "better or worse," "in sickness and in health"... clearly many people don't take this charge (hence why we have a something like 58% divorce rate?). I know each year of any relationship (married or otherwise) is going to come with ups and downs... at what point do we stop wanting the "forever" we signed up for?

In my present relationship, everyday is a lesson. Everyday is a glimpse into the future. And I am enjoying each day more and more, even the trying ones to get to that forever possibility. I've read of people marrying someone "no matter what was going on at the time" they proposed. Meaning, things were clearly wrong, and probably destined to fail but people still entered into something so serious. Why do we do that, exactly? When we know something is wrong, or won't work yet we enter into it anyway? For... ever? Is it because we take the concept and idea of marriage so lightly the thought of "well, if it don't work, I'll just get a divorce?"

I mean, I know I am a never married individual speaking on this subject but that's how we unmarried individuals either stay unmarried or only marry — and stay married — once. Hopefully the latter for me. I know I talk a lot of shit, but there should be NO contesting I'd make an awesome wife... *pauses to see who dare disagree*.......
......
...........
............

*ahem* so I say all that to say this:

Black Family, we can be so much more than Dads visiting their children every other weekend, baby mama drama, and constant drama and bullshit. (I do realize white families go through a lot of the same, but that doesn't affect me.) I just keep looking at that Ebony cover of the Obama's... you think Barack and Michelle don't have issues or haven't had any in all their years? OK, maybe they're as perfect as they look, lol, but the point is, I am sure they have days where Michelle/Barack is like, "OK, please get away from me" but both realize the importance of the other in her/his life.

Sooo with all this introspective thinking.... I came up with one solid solution for hope: we can save our families starting with taking more responsibility for our own actions.

MEN...

Leave your pasts behind... you guys are so caught up on hurting someones feelings, or just not over someone, holding on to someone who you can't be with or don't want to be with, stirring feelings just cause you got too much time on your hands, or WHATEVER the fock you're doing does NOT help. I mean, seriously, if you don't listen to anything I've EVER said, listen to me NOW when I say, pick a path (read: woman) and stick with her. Give her your ALL.. and see how that goes for you... video chatting, sex texts, inappropriate pic mails with your exes, baby mamas, jumpoffs and the like just keep us in the struggle... COMMIT.

WOMEN....

You can't become a different person once you have the ring or a few months in. Rationing the precious, not cooking, not keeping yourself tight around the waist and what not (trust me I'm guilty of all.. OK, not the first one, but maybe the second from time to time and definitely the last BUT my eyes are open now...I'm on it lol). You have to do the SAME things you did to get him to keep him... it's a poorly used reason from men when they cheat, but when you think about it, it's true. We often transform ourselves during the dating process, or so I hear, cause we are looking for marriage... I implore you: STOP it! To know you... is to love you! He should get to know you. If he loves that person in the present... he'll love her in the future.

MEN...

You can't be sitting around the house not doing NOTHIN.. clean up, take the garbage out, wash a dish, help with the kids! Motherhood and taking care of a home is TIRING... it's helpful to your home and relationship to lend a helping hand. And not just every once in a while, but on a REGULAR basis.

WO(MAN)...

Be prepared to work together... pray together, put God first, cause it takes HARD GOTDAMN WORK to get to forever. And listen to your mate... sometimes — hell often times — they are putting you on notice without causing a fuss. Found something troubling, but leave subtle hints to avoid drama but let you know to shape up or ship the hell out...

Let's NOT enter into anymore future forevers without understanding the work and commitment there needs to be on our OWN part to salvage it and make it its best. Stop always pointing a finger and fix yourself first. You know what wrong you doing before it's even pointed out. Unless you're one of those people who just sucks... come on people... I could cry writing this blog post. I know the Black Family could be SO much more, if we just give ourselves some credit for our own shit... the good, the bad and the ugly...

Ya'll kno who it is....

Can't Win...

...we don't need another point of view there's already too many...we need a common ground or thread to lace it all up...to keep us from fallin' on our ass again.. ~Theory 13

*siggggghhhh* Why do I even bother?

The Order of Things

"I called my ex and told her I was changing my order... she didn't wanna hear that." ~ Steve Harvey Live at the Venue

There comes a time in our lives where we have to change the order of things... that's the synopsis of what Steve Harvey said when I was gifted with the opportunity to see him live at The Venue in Hammond, IN for my born day. (Thanks babe!)

We saw him perform on the eve of his birthday (Capricorn! Yah!), so after he split our sides with hilarity, they brought out a cake for him as a surprise and after the Stevie Wonder version of "Happy Birthday" he began to TEACH us some things. Sidebar: I always find it funny when people dog him about his book."How someone who been married 3 times gonna tell me about relationships?!" I mean, really, aren't those the people we should take heed from? Those who been through it? Failed at it? Endured through it? Tried again till they got it right? How hard is it to find someone who has been truly and HAPPILY married for many moons? Still living well enough to tell the stories. The answer is extremely. I appreciate someone who's been there sharing some knowledge cause in a time of 58% divorce rates (may be higher these days) we need all the help we can get. *rant over*

Anywho... the "message" was how we can make things better for ourselves... by changing our order: 1. God; 2. Family; 3. Education; 4. Career. Saying if we start to get our priorities right all things will begin to transcend... he went on to say that we are always mixing up our order which is what sets us back individually with our different trials and tribulations.

When someone leaned over to kiss me on the cheek during that message is when I realized, he knew too that our order was merging. I am loving the order of things... it feels great to say I am happy while staring in another person's eyes... and mean it. I couldn't always do that. It feels great to have a tiff and instead of looking for the first bail out plan or thinking about the green grass elsewhere I want to tend to my own lawn. It's great to be in a place where all parties involved understand it's the work of everyone on the team that wins championships. I am loving the order of things. To sit down and study the Bible with my mate is something so foreign to me... I wouldn't have IMAGINED doing that just a few short years ago... it's the order of things..

My career, while sometimes on my nerves, is fulfilling to me. My education is solid... it's the order of things. I want to keep.this.feeling.... this.order. Trying to do right, isn't as hard as we make it out to be when we know the proper order of things.

I know I haven't always made the best decisions in my 30 years on this planet, nor always did what I was supposed to do, and I am sure I will screw up from time to time, but it truly feels like all is (becoming) right now. Things are molding just because I've realized what's important and solidified that order. It's never easy or given to us without work and sweat, but it CAN be ours if we just take the time.

I can only pray, He continues to walk along side this blessing... cause the devil stays busy. Thank God for order.

Let's get in order, ya'll.

art source: http://www.amazeartgallery.com

Let there be light!

Editor's Note: for best effect, play the song as you read :) lol

"rose, bathed in the light, out of the darkness, utterly new and fresh and..."

I am seeing the beauty beginning to mold again... I was starting to wonder where it had all gone. My swag is back... granted, it never goes far to the naked eye but I was pretty broken... I admit. I was doubting my professional gangsta (oxymoron?) since January when my contract ended abruptly... then I ran into a very... terrible organization that was poorly ran, unethical and a few other choice words that I will avoid...



because if NOTHING else it allowed me to meet some great girls (who I still keep in touch with) who the world had turned its back on and it also kept me housed and mobile by paying my rent and car note... for that, I am thankful. It also gave me more experience on the social services side to move into my new position with a STABLE organization for which I can really, finally see myself growing... I am just so overjoyed.

Because I had the interview of all interviews (a series of them, really) where I was reminded why I've been so arrogant when it comes to what I do. I do it well... and they saw it in me without me saying much at all. This is the job I've been looking for. And I am going to be magnificent at it. And I humbly thank Jehovah God because he looked out for me with this one. And I will keep my word and study his... praise him in happy times. Remember him even when I can't stop smiling or when I'm in tears. For in each, I always need him... and I should let him know it as often as humanly possible.

In other great news, I finally found a daycare!!! *(cue glorious music)* QUITE exciting.. it has everything except for a daily toy sanitize (it's weekly) that I was looking for including but not limited to: a potty regimen, learning curriculum, diverse students (blacks, Latinos, whites and even some Asians), and a clean and fun play/learning environment, close to home with competent, educated staff and a contract that we're comfortable with... of course all his daddy cared about was the price. lol Slightly over budget but we made it do what it do. Thank you lawd!

I've spent the day doing a house deep clean. With the new week upon us, now we should finally be able to embrace it but be ready for it. I am still training so my schedule is pretty set and it looks like I will have to go somewhere sunny for my final training before they release me to the trenches... but I will be ready. I've been doing a lot of research and territory building in my spare time. Truly looking forward to all I can do with this position... can you tell? :)

Tomorrow, the house will be complete (currently doing laundry) when I tackle the desk drawers and the storage area. But for now, I'm about to enjoy some boxing and take in a cocktail while I enjoy coming out of the darkness... the next few weeks will be a little foggy as I try to catch up on everything, but I feel very confident in saying that the sun...

...is out.

The student has now become the teacher.

It was all good just a week ago...

"It's crazy how things got so bad so fast... two months ago we was just celebratin."
--Co-Parent

It's almost rude to quote him in the context of this blog, but the uncanny of the deja vous is giving me weird sensations. And not the good kind that make me clutch pillows. For two months ago, WE were celebrating supposedly the first of many Valentine's Days. And I don't even celebrate Valentine's Day. But I did for him. When I first sat down to complete this entry, I was thinking that it's crazy how things can be so good and then shoot downhill like whoa....

But then, I really thought about it... there were underlying issues in both dynamics that had never been rectified or hell, even really discussed in the best manner and things just fall outta control when people stop caring, paying attention.... looking?

I was talking to The Prophet today, and we were vibing and conversing on how "what you see is what you get." And hardly ever do people in new dating situations let all their crazy be known right off rip. In a situation where I tried to be nothing but honest about everything me (good, bad or otherwise) it still came back around to bite me in the butt. What is it wid black relationships that seem so good for the other, failing?

Quick and brief this time... wid the emotions and the rain... I mostly need sleep... deep... sleep.

When Children Attach

I had the unfortunate displeasure of watching my sun not want to leave his father's embrace today. He wanted us to stand on his porch all together in the cold rain so long as it didn't mean he and I would get into the big thing and drive away, leaving his dad to go to work. Sitting in his arms, holding my hand, we walked to my whip. It was heart breaking. Co-Parent and I gave each other a weak smile as he loaded a pouting sun into his booster seat. I gave him the cinnamon bread I packed. Co-Parent and I debriefed for a couple minutes and then said our goodbyes.

The image of my child's face stayed embedded in my brain all day. Never did I think in a million years that a near 2 y/o would feel the disconnect between his parents and want to have them both to himself at the same time. In my final swoop, making quick moves as to make things better for him, I didn't think much how our actions would affect him. And that little adorable face always filled wid so much happiness pouting was enough to spark a million questions. Did we take the best course of action? Was there more we could have done? Blah blah blah...

Then I sat there and thought about how we adults can be so quick having beautiful, magnificent, brilliant children wid the wrong people... And how quickly we introduce our children to the person we think we're going to be wid forever. It's unfair to them... and us.

So then I picked up the phone to talk to my attached "adopted" son... and hear a voice I haven't heard in what feels like a looong time. In retrospect, it was prolly a bad idea.... but tis human nature to listen to our heart, instead of our first mind. Or our mind period for that matta. I wanted to ask him how school was and what he did on spring break.. but he was actually still in school when the rest of the kids were out. Suburban school. I asked about his brother and what he was doing to pass the time. Hoping they weren't fighting. Then he asked me, "Are you feeling better?" His question caught me off guard. I didn't want to respond that what his dad and I went through was may more than something I could feel better about, but I simply said, "I am much better talking to you."

This is why dating wid child can go belly up... tryin to decipher when something is real enough to bring someone around our children and when they get attached to someone temporarily in their lives, and more importantly, we get attached to their kids. I never understood how people "stay" somewhere for the children before but now I start to sympathize and wonder which situations are strong enough to stick out for the child's sake and work for, and at what point do we really take our children into main consideration. Parents have a lot more responsibility than I originally understood. Our moods, all of them, affect our children. And that effect could be damaging.

It was good to know he was happy and we talked for several minutes. I hope he enjoys his spring break... I do miss those crazy guys tho. Perhaps their mom and I can get the boys together this week. And as promised, I told The Sun he said hi. And this too, shall pass.

Give Us This Day... Our Daily Bread

Today was a monumental day... too big for words just filled with emotion. I wish my father were here... my father who died on the birthday of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. ... Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. who died on the birthday of my father... I know you both would be proud today. I cherish this day, for ya'll.

He takes the Oath




Five days after MLK's born day legacy we induct the next best hope of a man who will lead us into the next level of change. Mr. President Barack H. Obama... we love you. Love you for being so bold and brave and honorable to carry the weight of the people on your back... the nation on your shoulders all the while, showing us that the Black Family is real, possible and peace.

March on Washington...

Inauguration 2009...


Thank you so much, for taking the oath to SAVE our country. We believe in you and will take your charges... Joe Biden, you pretty damn cool too, it seems. :)

Love Worldwide... Kenya celebrates...


The first daughters looking like their dad and mom, respectively...


Vice Pres and his first lady


What Would MLK do?


Tomorrow the work begins... WE BELIEVE IN YOU... Thank you, God, for sending him to us... finally. Barack Hussein Obama, we support, love and cherish our country, your vision ... and you.

Ujima

Since March, I have worked for a tutor/mentor organization that serves 7-12th grade at-risk youth. This is my first stint at trying to work for a non-profit and it truly fulfills me. Even on days where I am stressed beyond belief, just knowing that I am making an impact on my community makes it that much more tolerable.

We have a social responsibility, in my humble opinion, as Blacks to maintain our community. It is easy to sit by the wayside and complain about our youth, the crime, our politics, our PEOPLE as a whole, but it takes a lot more heart and consciousness to do something about it. Black studies professors, some politicians, non-profit organization CEOs, presidents and board members take the charge and hold the reigns tightly vowing for little to sometimes nothing wages to change the community. The time is always now to act... to make our brothers and sisters problems OUR problems. You don't have to be the org's CEO or even an EMPLOYEE to want to change the community around you, thereby changing the world our kids will grow up in. The more brains tryin to work through it, the sooner we get to the solution.

In a broader sense, a (wo)man is only as strong as the foundation he/she has built upon. How can we really provide for the community if you can not love and cater to your own blood, family, time, good true friendships? Collective work AND responsibility start at home. Remember that one can't TRULY represent The Movement without the love and support, the bond that comes from family. It's a collective circle that once made whole one can do all things in community and abound.

As you focus and strive this Kwanzaa season, when you are ready, it is time to volunteer to an organization helping a community you care about, want to build, want to change.

Umoja

I pledge to Jah... to be a better person, inside and out. To begin to treat my body as the temple you designed it to be. I pledge to discuss my spirituality in a safe and guarded place. I pledge to pray daily, palms up to you and know your omnipotent power. I plan to love those closest to me as you love your children.

I pledge to The Sun, to be more understanding of your learning process and be patient with you as you grow to be the man your father couldn't be. I promise to instill the respect of Queens in you and show you that life IS sunflowers and rain dances. I pledge that you will be an extraordinary, strong individual with two parents, two homes and more than 10 hearts who love you so much, they'd LIVE and LOVE for you, or die trying.

I pledge to my future King all the respect and actions befitting a Queen. to a union that houses life and gives birth to our foundation to put Jah first and know that He is most high and head of household.

This symbolic day is to be used to pledge unity and love to our families, friends, communities and loved ones. So I pledge my unity to you, my secret king. I pray that our union, hidden in all it's glory, grows leaps and bounds through time and inspires our children to to cultivate bonds rich in blackness, wisdom, understanding, equality and freedom under the watchful eyes of our Creator.

In the spirit of Umoja, the first day of Kwanzaa, I prepare to unify Self so that I can be all I am required to be of the Man and people who need me most to be loyal, honest and trustworthy... strong daily, vulnerable when necessary, and spiritually ME all day long.