RBG PSA

We interrupt this blog gap to bring you this RBG Public Service Announcement:

Ladies, if he omits the little things because he don't wanna hear your mouth... the big things don't stand a f*ckin chance. In his head, you're not his wife. You're not even his best friend.

Real talk.

The Lie of Omission:

A lie of omission is to remain silent when ethical behavior calls for one to speak up. A lie of omission is a method of deception and duplicity that uses the technique of simply remaining silent when speaking the truth would significantly alter the other person's capacity to make an informed decision.

Word.

This LIFE....is what you make it.

RBG Note: This is a blog originally started on March 21... and never finished or posted. It infuses stories from about 3 other unfinished pieces since then (see ya'll, I am often compelled to write, I just don't finish most of the time).

As I sat down at my uncle's 60th birthday celebration, Future by my side I smiled and began to think THIS is the year my life begins to change. For the better. I felt it then. I feel it today. Every day I'm smiling (with the exception of these last couple depressed weeks). I don't take the non-serious things as serious. I am finding fulfillment in everything around me and if there IS none, I'm deading the situation and placing myself in a better one. I am claiming the happiness I want and taking it for myself. Speaking up for it, fighting for it if I must. Showing the problems, the Devil, my adversity who's boss. I finally feel GROWN.

Don't get me wrong, I have always been full grown, but now that I understand how to BE grown, it's like the newest level of grown there is. And I adore it. While going to drop off my truck in the body shop a couple weeks back an old familiar tune played through my speakers. Oh how I miss Dave Hollister. His lil deep hood tunes that I couldn't really connect with so much then, I feel to my core now. I understand what he was singing about...

"Seeing you reminds me of, all the nights I useta beat it up...I would do it again, but I can't. See everything is different now, I done finally settled down.. I became a one-woman man." ~D. Hollister

There comes a time in every relationship where the people who comprise it want to do right and be right within that relationship........... right? I realize we have different experiences with every person... well I have finally accepted that now... after a conversation with my dear friend and Frat brother. We were talking about exes and I asked did he think it would be DIFFICULT to let go of an ex you had such an extensive of a history when you have such a positive future in your presence.

“That is what makes it difficult to completely release people you truly have loved because there is a small list of things that only that person can really do well for you no matter what anyone else does. And nobody on earth will ever understand it except you and that person…” ~Blue

I have spent my adult dating life trying to be everything for the man I'm with... and I realized today that's not gonna happen. I must accept that my Future is going to have memories of past... as am I... especially if there's a child involved but more so when you were in love.... like really in love... it may be harder to let go than we like to put on or admit. But I'm glad to be at D. Hollister status.... where a person can remind us of good times but we remember what we have at home... and how we want to build on that before we text back, flirt back, call or fuck.. when do we get to THAT level? What we gotta do to STAY there?

Cause um grown... I ain't letting NOBODY mess this life up. You either in it to win it or you gotta get gone too... by any means necessary...

"ANYBODY can get it... in.this.bitch!" LOL (Reference: I Wanna Work for Diddy)

*walks off singing* My life, my life, my life my life... in the sunshine!

#notsorandom

The Same (Last) Name Game

"Will thou, Unsuspecting Fool, have RBG to be thy wedded wife, to live together after God's ordinance, in the holy estate of matrimony? Will thou love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health; and forsaking all others keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?"

Why Buy The Cow?
In the course of this Same (Last) Name Game we women play with our men we have to put aside a lot of brutal descriptions for what it is we do with our love and how we broadcast it. Of course there's the age old "fornication" from the good book, but there's also "slang" ones like "living in sin" or the aforementioned blog title analogy, "Why buy the cow (wife) when you can get the milk (sex or all the benefits of a live-in wife) for free?"

When a woman decides to live with her mate, instead of, or prior to, getting married does she set herself up for failure? I've only lived with one man... ever... and just based on that experience, I think there might be some truth to this harsh but albeit real issue plaguing most couples. Back in the day, mothers were much better about saying to their daughters: "You should NOT live with a man before marriage. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" But along with so many other new age mentalities mom's are no longer schooling their daughters on the importance of not mixing the pleasures of life confusing them for your happily ever after. Now, I don't have a daughter but as I watch The Sun grow into a man, I'm going to be very specific on how he should conduct himself with young ladies when he's a man.

Case 1: Don't lead young ladies on. If you're not interested in her for-real, for-real don't get her hopes up at all, but most importantly, (case 2) never move in with your girlfriend. She should be your fiance and the wedding should be pretty damn close. Three-to-six months, tops. That way you have enough time to see if you would kill each other under the same roof and can bow out, if not, without costly divorce proceedings. What you save on splitting the bills you more than accumulate in confusion, set idealogies of how you should live or conduct yourself when living with someone, and hurt feelings when the years keep passing without so much as a real discussion on marriage and what it means to the both of you and the future that is your relationship.

One of my closest friends has been with her boyfriend about seven years... SEVEN years... they moved in together into a condo a few years back and are happy... But the condo is only in her name, to protect herself should the concept of marriage never develop into a reality. I think it's high time women (and men too) stop putting themselves in no-win situations. From a guy's perspective, that's a LOT of pressure on you once that woman's biological clock starts ticking and please don't already have a child with her, or she has a child that you're now the substitute father for... P-R-E-S-S-U-R-E...

And women we feel it from that aspect too...

B-A... B-Y, M-A... M-A!
Fantasia sang a whole song about it like it was a title of distinction when she first came on the scene and ladies ate it up like butter. But this term irks me to no end. Some years back, a little after the Sun was born, when we were out in public CP introduced me as his "baby mama" to some people. I was mortified. I could not believe that with all our history, and gifting with the greatest present THAT'S what I was ... reduced to. I realize I wasn't his WIFE at the time and so part of why it happened to begin with was partially my fault for putting myself in the predicament. But man, titles are a motherfucker... not "my girl," or "woman," or even my Government name, but Baby... Mama? Ultimately we talked about how it made me feel and we made amends over it and I haven't been called that since... to my face. lol

But why is this title so popular?

"You are getting older and contrary to what you may tell me, you definitely want to be someone's WIFE and NOT their baby's mother!!! Should I go on?"

My friend's words cut like a knife. When I told him I wanted an "honest" answer I expected he would sugar coat it some. But he didn't. And there was that term again. This description, I am realizing, haunts us single moms... and I think it's a bit unfair. No matter our stature, or how we conduct ourselves in public and society, if we're a never married, single mom, we're a Baby Mama. If you're divorced and single with a child, you're at least considered "the ex wife" but us never married ladies get a bad break. This Same (Last) Name Game is very tricky, and hurtful. It can defeat the feeble minded.

Luckily, you always got somebody like ME who will break it down for you and make you understand why YOUR name is powerful and how no matter how many last names your household has, it can be a house of Love and Respect... if you make it so. Granted, I still think it's a bad idea to live as a family, before God recognizes you as one... from experience. BUT those living as a family already surely aren't about to move out, so make of this what you will. *shrugs*

F.L.A.G.S.

"I returned to see under the sun that the swift do not have the race, nor the mighty ones the battle... time and unforeseen occurrence befall them all." ~Ecclesiastes 9:11

The race of dating can be very exciting... The green f.l.a.g. signals it's time to start... "and they're off!" Hot and heavy. You can't get enough of each other... you think about each other all throughout the day... you text/call just to say hi, about the happenings of your day, to say good morning/night, send pics of yourself while doing mundane tasks.

"Trying on more shoes! LOL :-)"

It's truly one of the best parts about Love. The newness, the smiles, the laughs, the mindset that nothing else matters at all but you, him and the beauty that is ya'll. Then you start to mellow out. You don't need to chat allll day... since you'll see him when you get off.. you may still say "I love you" at the end of the conversation but only if the mood is right. You're comfortable in your relationship. You're happy. Things aren't roses, butterflies and rainbows everyday but you're content with the progress you're making... little did you know after coasting comfortably through that lap... danger befalls you... yellow f.l.a.g. a problem arises... it could be a variation of things. Something that alters the mood, the chi, the atmosphere and it shakes the comfort zone... makes you wonder how a couple once so in looove could seem like total strangers around each other. You're in the same room not talking to each other... doing anything but in fact. And you don't even know how the hell you got there. It's because you didn't pay attention to the problems people create... the red f.l.a.g.s. when s/he reconnected with an "old friend" who s/he just happened to sleep with once upon a time. While you thought you were growing together s/he was out (re)connecting with people from the past or new b*tches/dudes all together.... and talking to that person for hours on end... 30-40-60 minute conversations... middle of the night phone calls... When s/he stopped having sex with you or complimenting you. When s/he couldn't even tell you what s/he thinks of you... "I think you're great... amazing... even though you get on my nerves sometimes.... I think you're a perfect parent to our child... I think I love you more each day..." anything but silence. When you stopped being friends first and only business partners... splitting the bills but not sharing feelings and having fun together... when s/he accepted a picture of his/her exes genitalia... when you read or found out that s/he still loved him/her...when s/he stopped caring what you thought about things, didn't ask your opinion... when s/he did things to intentionally hurt you... just to get back at you for something. When your grown up relationship felt like you were dating a child who can't open up to you and just have a conversation before they go and act out..... and then by the time those red f.l.a.g.s. appear... you have nowhere to go... you feel like you've wasted time on the wrong person... you discount all the good times you guys had together, someone doesn't wanna work at it to see where things went wrong. And you wave your white f.l.a.g. You quit. You surrender... You bow out. You've given it your best years ... all you had and failed. You're defeated... and before you know it you look up, and someone is waving that checkered f.l.a.g. signaling one last lap... you throw caution into the wind and go for it... and forget the race you just lost for the hope... the faith.... the determination and mindset of finally crossing the finish line.... yet after all your races... STILL unready and unprepared to lose again.

I been in this game for years; it made me a animal. It's rules to this sh*t; I wrote me a manual. A step-by-step booklet for you to get your game on track, not your wig pushed back. ~B.I.G. "10 Crack Commandments"

For the Love of the Almighty, Get Serious!

Hot/Cold, Stop/Go, Yes.... No.

Maybe so.

"Good Afternoooon, Dr. Jekyll because there is no place to Hyde, Big Brother Sir!"
~ A Different World

I always think it's important to take note of how we each have an alter ego. Different egos have different triggers, for some people it's liquor that makes their "crazy" side come out... for others it's weed or another drug of choice... for some it's the reminder of who they used to be. For example, a (wo)man who couldn't be faithful once upon a time but on their best behavior, gets pissed about something their lover does (anything... doesn't even have to be cheating related) and falls back into their old ways. It's a vicious cycle if you allow it to consume you.

We all know the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? A chilling tale of a seemingly sane and smart man who concocts a potion (aka drug of choice) and with just one swig of it he turns into a monster? Someone outside of himself that no one recognizes? I was thinking today that we all have a little Hyde in us. The question is: what is your concoction trigger?

Today I was having a conversation with my (new) boss... *gasp!* I know, I was shocked too... we do that now... about pregnancy and how much it changed us, for the better. (We both have one toddler son.) She smokes and I asked her how hard it was to give up cigarettes when she was preggers and she said not hard at all.. and I said the same for drinking. I stopped cold turkey and without a second thought because it was what was best for baby... and even before I knew him I loved baby more than everything ... anything. I didn't even take to drinking a glass of red wine here and there because I didn't trust that it was OK. The minute we were done giving birth, however, she and I returned to those same habits. And NOW if I say, "I'm gonna stop drinking for a while" it doesn't stick. I wondered why...

Granted, I'm no alcoholic (wait, isn't that what all alcoholics say!?) I don't need (or consume) a drink in the mornings or to help me function and I can rarely be caught drinking throughout the work week. I am more weekend social... and some weekends I can not drink at all. But when I'm social... I'm social! Then I really sat down to think about it: so was my dad.. when I was a child my father drank on the weekends and sometimes I could sit back and watch liquor change him into a different person... fun one minute, mean as shit the next.. and I wondered how much this played a role in my life today, if any. Now, granted, I don't drink like that when I'm around my sun, but still. Might I one day? Life is still young (hopefully) and I wouldn't want to start.

I love my dad dearly... he was an awesome person overall, inside and out... I am like him in many, many ways... but I don't wanna be like him in that regard. When I was a young teen, my daddy changed his habits after a very scary triple bypass. No more booze, no more smoking and it extended his life... a bit. I still believe to this day, had he not quit when he did he wouldn't have lasted nearly 10 more years. He would have been gone much sooner. From the food he consumed, to the drinks to the cigarettes and the Black man's straight FEAR of the doctor he would have surely left sooner.

So I take this all into consideration when I make my decision... I no longer want to abuse my body with things that cloud my judgment, make me complacent or just don't fill me properly... the phrase "everything in moderation" comes to mind, but people often use that as an excuse to do whatever they please, just don't OVER do it. I must face it... if I'm really to make "daily applications" to be the best RBG... Christ-like... I am going to have to really put things in perspective. I can't base my actions on anyone else's or their lack thereof, for my relationship with God is only mine. Furthermore, I don't want some life-threatening scenario to be what changes my attitude. I want to make the decision on my own accord.

What attitude/behavior is YOUR Mr. Hyde? What will you do to control him?

RBG Note: it took a lot for me to write, let alone post this blog... it's really in truth and transparency. It don't get much realer.

The Emotional Runner

So it happened again... my outside run meltdown. I'd originally started this blog last week but wanted to conduct some research first. But because I am lazy it took substantially longer than it shoulda... but now I know, that, running outside... is liberating.

I am an emotional runner.

Not sure if it's all the endorphins or the sweat... or the view of the lake... or my shin splint that calls me all kinds of Bs and hoes when I'm done, or the runners I trick that I too am a runner when they give me the "what's up" nod and smile thinkin I'm huffin and puffin it out... KNOWIN I just was walking.... but twice now, after my outside run, I've teared up. What the hell is that about? I ran twice this past week and I certainly needed to.

I know running serves as a way to clear your mind... and each time now it has done just that. I did it. It was nice because all while running, listening to myself pant and feeling old muscles I haven't seen or heard from in ages start to ache and burn... I didn't think about anything that ached my heart and mind... things I can't control, things I am uncertain about, things I can't explain, why I can't control what goes into my mouth (or what comes out of it sometimes), why people who've never taken the time to know me hate me so... coming back around my turn and coming off that last incline all my thoughts ran down my cheeks.

And I felt... great.

The tears didn't help me answer any of those questions or qualify anything... but they helped me to release, if only for a moment. My professional week was... an utter disaster. New boss... strong arm approach... makes for a combative RBG...

Boss: I wouldn't call it combative.
RBG: I would.

I respect everybody... until I am given a reason not to. Lying to my face, being intimidated by lil ol me... I can't help it because I have a bubbly personality and (most) of everybody I come into contact with likes me... while people are wondering why you're walkin around the office like a stick's up your butt... people are inviting me to after work affairs... bish get real.

The Queen is here.... Sound the TRUMPETS!

In all seriousness, I'm really harmless (unless you cross me). I've been examining it, from ladies who think I "stole" their man to coworkers who think I'm competing for their raise/promotion... to now bosses who think they can come on my turf and strong arm my respect and just make me do it how you want to... listen up, the LOT of you... I ain't taking NO MO disrespect. We having closed-door conversations from here on out. When I originally decided to publish this thought process into a blog, I was all set to dissect why ya'll feel soooo inferior... but I've decided to digress.

I used to find it funny. But now, I just don't give a f*ck.

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."
~Eleanor Roosevelt

Toodles to you b*tches...

~*RBG*~