Officially FAT

Well, it's been two and a half months since I brought my son into the world, and I am no longer pregnant, but fat. :( I went shopping yesterday for clothes that weren't maternity for the first time in about a year... man, thankfully shopping of any kind thrills me, so it didn't depress me TOO much when I found out I am not my same size. A mere two years ago I was 15 pounds away from what I thought I wanted my goal weight to be not 35. It's amazing what I would give to be the weight I was two years ago, NOW... I would be satisfied.

Life is a funny thang lol

The Weekends

I have not given blogging my full attention. When I was single, I could come in here and write something everyday, but now with a family (as a MOM -- still getting used to that) I don't get much time to squeeze it into my schedule. But it's cool because the way I do spend my free time now is amazing to me.

Because my honey and I work different shifts, the weekends are all we have to spend time all up in each other -- um almost literally and figuratively. I live for the weekends. It's nice to have time to self here and there, but there are few things that beat couple time... snuggled up on the couch, sippin on Maker's Mark and Coke on ice, watching a nice boxing match (man, I'm such a guy!)... it seems it's just me and him only (oh and our new addition of course) and I love it. I mean, it's the highlight of my week.

Call it in love or caked up or whatever your terminology... but it is my little utopic moment for two days of seven.

It's what the weekends are for.. it's how our relationship, as indescribable as it is, makes it through the tough times... to be able to use the time we have to keep this love of loves alive. From the movies we watch curled up on the couch to dinner in front of Forensic Files on the telly, to passionate love making or hardcore porn-like behavior... it's all f-u-n with Us. And if it's a 3-day weekend? Oh boy.

I have to get back to him.

I hope you're enjoying your weekend too.

What is Sexy, exactly?

I ask because I'm curious.

I just took the longest shower in the history of man, and for the first time, put on my Kimono. Authentically from Japan.. and it feels lovely on my skin. And it made me wonder what makes a person... sexy.

When I was 38 weeks pregnant... I felt beautiful and sexy. But my mate refused to touch me. Even though he told me then it was just the oddness of our son growing in my womb, I wondered how he could deny me for so long. I didn't gain that much weight and I stayed far away from the pregnancy Mu-Mus. I'd hear from several people how "wonderful" and "fabulous" and "sexy" I looked pregnant, but the one person I needed to feel all those things wasn't feeling me.

Now, he did complement me when I dressed for a special outing, telling me how nice I looked... I'd read about this horror story in several pregnancy books and websites, where Dad just wigs out and doesn't have an urge to be as sexual in the later stages of pregnancy. That helped some. But my pregnancy sexual appetite was off the charts. I have never thought myself sexy by "industry standards." You know, lighter skin or perfect black, long silky hair draping an ass the size of stallions.. but as I grew my confidence grew and now, I feel beautiful and sexy inside out. My butt may not be the largest, but it's mine. My skin tone, various shades of beautiful brown, my hair, huge soft black cotton, wide almond eyes and full lips.

I bring this all up because I still felt this way 22 pounds heavier and a huge round belly toting an infant. And my friend who is now pregnant feels she looks horrid. I want to make her see the beauty in herself first, and then realize that the blessing to grow a child only makes her sexier... more beautiful.. and the fact that her child's father doesn't want to touch her means NOTHING, but only that he's missing some of the best sex ever. Moist, warm... tender. She's not even 38 weeks yet and her mate isn't having it. I feel for her. Even more so than I felt for me.

I told her not to let his foolishness get to her. Told her that she still has to get up, shower, put on her sexiest undies and nice maternity wear and STRUT it. It's the only way to stay sane on a nine-month emotional roller coaster.

Some days, even though the books said I shouldn't take it personally... I did. It would sometimes affect the old self esteem. I mean, I was cute! I don't want her self-esteem to take a blow, so I'm giving my best advice along with a hug and a smile.

I wonder how many men stopped loving their women while pregnant and what the reason was for the cease... and how often it was that they could POSSIBLY not see the mother of their child as the sexiest bitch alive.

Stepping Out on Faith

It's weird being back in the Blogsphere.

Afterall, I stepped away to clear my mind, but had absolutely no intention on coming back. It's strange how I can come back a different person, yet so similar.

Since leaving I have realized a great many things and have grown so much. I am truly happy. Not that I wasn't before... I was. But it was a different kind of happy, you know?

Before.. I was single and ready to mingle.
Now... I am taken and in love.
Before... I lived in Michigan.
Now... I live in Illinois. (*sigh* Midwest forever!)
Before... I had no children.
Now... I have a beautiful sun.

Things are so different, yet better than ever. I had an easy-go-lucky pregnancy physically, but it was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster mentally. But I made it. I've been praying lots.. seriously considering a religion, and even my feelings about the constitution of marriage have skewed... well, slightly.

But wouldn't you know it, I still don't take no shit. I still loves me some shoes and handbags.. I still got stories for days and most of all:

I'm still Real. I'm still Black. I'm still real black Girl.

Did ya miss me?