When Children Attach

I had the unfortunate displeasure of watching my sun not want to leave his father's embrace today. He wanted us to stand on his porch all together in the cold rain so long as it didn't mean he and I would get into the big thing and drive away, leaving his dad to go to work. Sitting in his arms, holding my hand, we walked to my whip. It was heart breaking. Co-Parent and I gave each other a weak smile as he loaded a pouting sun into his booster seat. I gave him the cinnamon bread I packed. Co-Parent and I debriefed for a couple minutes and then said our goodbyes.

The image of my child's face stayed embedded in my brain all day. Never did I think in a million years that a near 2 y/o would feel the disconnect between his parents and want to have them both to himself at the same time. In my final swoop, making quick moves as to make things better for him, I didn't think much how our actions would affect him. And that little adorable face always filled wid so much happiness pouting was enough to spark a million questions. Did we take the best course of action? Was there more we could have done? Blah blah blah...

Then I sat there and thought about how we adults can be so quick having beautiful, magnificent, brilliant children wid the wrong people... And how quickly we introduce our children to the person we think we're going to be wid forever. It's unfair to them... and us.

So then I picked up the phone to talk to my attached "adopted" son... and hear a voice I haven't heard in what feels like a looong time. In retrospect, it was prolly a bad idea.... but tis human nature to listen to our heart, instead of our first mind. Or our mind period for that matta. I wanted to ask him how school was and what he did on spring break.. but he was actually still in school when the rest of the kids were out. Suburban school. I asked about his brother and what he was doing to pass the time. Hoping they weren't fighting. Then he asked me, "Are you feeling better?" His question caught me off guard. I didn't want to respond that what his dad and I went through was may more than something I could feel better about, but I simply said, "I am much better talking to you."

This is why dating wid child can go belly up... tryin to decipher when something is real enough to bring someone around our children and when they get attached to someone temporarily in their lives, and more importantly, we get attached to their kids. I never understood how people "stay" somewhere for the children before but now I start to sympathize and wonder which situations are strong enough to stick out for the child's sake and work for, and at what point do we really take our children into main consideration. Parents have a lot more responsibility than I originally understood. Our moods, all of them, affect our children. And that effect could be damaging.

It was good to know he was happy and we talked for several minutes. I hope he enjoys his spring break... I do miss those crazy guys tho. Perhaps their mom and I can get the boys together this week. And as promised, I told The Sun he said hi. And this too, shall pass.