H-A-Double U-A-Eye-Eye!

"Ma$e can you please stop smokin La La? Puff why try, I'ma thug I'ma die high!"

Exactly 3 months till the honey and I venture to the islands of Hawaii for his 30th Bday and my MISSION is to be 20 lbs lighter. I often frown on deadline-oriented goals. Because even though they are effective, they can be damaging because people put back on the pounds directly after they are done traveling, with the engagement, ceremony or whatever special occasion it is. (I will NOT be one of those people.... no, but forreal. If anything this trip is just what I needed to get serious.)

The Y had a special on summer memberships again, so I got in on that. $25 a month for the family and I to use any Y in the Metro Chicago area. I will be focusing on 10,000 steps a day, a morning workout via Chalene Extreme (starting Sunday morning), lunchtime workouts that started this week, evening strolls with my Soror and our youth on Mondays and Wednesdays (resuming next week, the weather has sucked this week - Midwest-like "tornado" yesterday and all) and a couple evening workouts at my neighborhood Y on lighter days. In all 6 days of working out, but one is more Tai Chi/Yoga/Stretch related so it's really a "rest day" too. I wrote it all out yesterday. In addition, I will still be following the good health guidelines of WW.. no fad diets for me. I will also be participating in a couple Mommy and Me classes they offer with my sun. Gymnstics and Kiddie Groove to name a couple!

All that being said, my MISSION is 20 lbs but I will be more than satisfied with 12-16 (you know weight loss is a strange beast) but I'm confident 20 won't be too far a stretch. In addition, in Hawaii, I WILL be 1. wearing bikinis (I've already started to look for them because this will make sure I don't overeat; can't be walking round Hawaii with a big ol gut!) 2. doing activities that don't just involve lying on the beach (I've already purchased a hiking excursion, debating on another because it takes a great part of one day away from us... but it has waterfalls!) and 3. using the fitness center. Plus 4. enjoying in-room activities.

Super excited. I've never been to Hawaii before... and I hear it's expensive, but well worth the visit. We'll both be 30, it's time to start living life and enjoying all its blessings. Right, bra? (a lil Hawaii slang... just cuz!)

The storm is over now... let some sunshine in.

Finding The GRAY Area

Friday I asked my boss (who I admonish as my mentor pretty much) what he thought I needed to be able to go for a director position within a year (my own timeline not a proposed one) and he told me I was the total package... IF I could stop looking at things in black and white. He said I needed to learn that every problem person has something we dislike about them, something we can learn from them and something we can use. He says I am the type of person who will completely box someone for the wrong they've done instead of looking at what about that person I can use to help me excel. And that can make or break me in Corporate America. (That was a synopsis) I thought about this long and hard... and he's right. Case in point, with a situation at work... a colleague has been lying on me and to me, profusely and adamantly. And instead of defending myself by demanding a meeting of the minds, I just allowed her to say what she thought she must. Now, I did confront her more than once on the subject but she always denied it to my face and went behind me and did the same thing. MY logic was that, the people she was lying to should know me and my work ethic and if they choose to believe that despite what they see me doing everyday then that's on them as adult professionals.

But as for HER, she is officially dead to me. Even though I think she is outstanding at what she does (even if I now question if her way to get to the top is as amoral as she is) I know she will also stab me in the back at any moment she gets. This caused me to think about how I (simply) am. I have done this before with several people with a "That's just how he/she is" approach. Some of my old friends and even my mates. I will not hesitate to put you in a box. "I know she's a little crazy sometimes but she's really cool when she wants to be." "Yeah she's kinda a ho a bit wild, but she's a good person and super fun." "He DOES love me, but will flirty text his ex-wife / ex-girlfriend or just stop by her house without me knowing after work 'for the child'." I mean... it happens. And I have no one to blame but myself for keeping these toxic people in my lives for so long. And it really boils down to a lack of trust... I don't trust many people... what's that saying, "keep your friends close and your enemies even closer?" Perhaps that plays a role here. I don't want you near me and look for proper exit strategies when I feel I am being mistreated. I'm tiiiiired, Blog World. What makes someone who claims to respect ME and have love for ME show such blatant disrespect the minute s/he thinks I'm not looking?

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!

I DO! And then having you smiling in my face telling me you like me, respect my work ethic, LOVE me, are happy with me, wanna be with/marry me, are looking out for me just makes me lose respect for you... as a human being. I wouldn't do that to you. I WON'T do that to someone... not someone I claim to care about and/or respect. Not someone I claim to Love... which brings me to my next point....

Is "Love" Simply a Four-Letter Word?

I used to get really pissed when I heard "love is just a four-letter word" but maybe I've been wrong. People say it so easily. We say we love Jehovah yet we don't live how He would want us to. I've seen a woman who claims to serve Jehovah and be baptized try to break up happy homes because she's so miserable and her ex man let's her. We say we love our jobs but fake sick to take a day off and constantly look for the next best thing. We say we love our mates but constantly create friction with infidelity and unfaithful nature. Instead of maybe saying, "you know what, I love you and someone else and have NO idea how to choose and don't want to... and I give false hope to this one (and you as well) because I have you both thinking I love you very much. Furthermore, s/he and I are gonna snicker when we're all in the presence of each other because s/he and I think you don't know that we flirt when you're not looking." It's not that hard... is it? What causes people to forget that LOVE is a serious emotion that should not be taken lightly. Can you love two people at one time? Absolutely. But at some point we have to choose. You're not making a CHOICE and by playing both sides of the emotional field you are figuratively killing your family. Can you live without a religion? Sure, but at some point you're going to have to CHOOSE to live by the Bible or suffer the consequences. Can you work with someone you hate? Most definitely, but at some point you're going to have to CHOOSE how you interact with them. Is everything worth demanding a meeting of the minds? I'm starting to think I take that "sit back and see" approach too much.

Instead of demanding answers of my coworker, I decided to "see" would she change, what would happen and it lead me to transferring offices. The same could be said for relationships... except in those I waited to see if Jehovah would bless the union/make him see what he had... each situation doesn't require me to do much... but try to exercise patience. A conversation on patience over the weekend led me to realize I'm not very patient... but clearly judging from this I have more patience than I thought. But this is where I fail. Because trouble is finding me again... even though I changed my location... even though I changed my order.

I must find this gray area... because black or white is destroying me. I need to venture out of my comfort zone if I'm going to be victorious. (And I always win.) I suppose I should start with demanding a meeting of the minds...

But I know myself... I don't wanna nut up and flip out on someone's gray area.

Dad...

I miss him.

I wish he could show me the way... but he's gone... until we meet again.



Walk down the sidewalk
Staring at your feet
Wishing my steps were longer
So by your sides I could keep

Hold your hand much bigger
Never wanted mine to grow
So I could always fit perfect
Inside your palms just so

No one loves me just like you do
No one knows me just like you do
No one can compare to the way my eyes fit in yours
You'll always be my father
And I'll always be your joy

Lay me on your belly
Nights when Mama wasn't home
Lightning made me shiver
And you never let me feel alone

I tried to match your breathing
Beating my little heart against yours
Perfect were the nights we were sleeping
I never want to end what we are

Cause no one loves me just like you do
And no one knows me just like you do
No one can compare to the way my eyes fit in yours
You'll always be my father
And I'll always be your joy

One day he'll come on bended knee
And ask my love away from thee
And when I give my love to him
He'll always have a place within

One day he'll come on bended knee
And ask my love away from thee
And when I give my love to him
You'll always have a place within

No one loves me just like you do
No one knows me just like you do
No one can compare to the way my eyes fit in yours
You'll always be my father
And I'll always be your joy

On To The Next One

"The same way you get 'em, is the same way you lose 'em" ~Soror W.

So I have been hearing story after story of the Alicia Keyes and Swizz Beatz rumors to the point where I finally decided I needed to say my two cents on the matter. And some people ain't gonna like it.






Stop being mad at Alicia Keys!
(Yeah, I said it!)

I just read Mashonda's open letter TwitTM to Alicia Keys about ruining her marriage and I was floored. Why do women always attack the "other" woman? Be it verbally or physically? I will never understand. Speaking AS a woman who has been cheated on, left for another woman, I can honestly say I've never been THAT chick. No Tweets for me. No MySpace or Facebook stalking your life... or lives together.... it's just whatever it is. I may have had some choice words for him, but that's to be expected. He's the one that looked me in MY face, told me he loved me, would never hurt/leave me, blahditty. Mashonda's case a bit different. He was her husband... and apparently they'd been married a long time. Five years in fact. They'd taken vows before God that they would "forsaken all others." Swizz broke that vow... not Alicia. (Now, I am simply giving an example AS IF the rumor they were having an affair is true... I am still not so sure it is.) [Below are actual excerpts of the Twit, from Vibe.com]

"Me and my husband have worked out our differences. We are in a good place as people and as parents. I accept his choices and I am comfortable enough with myself to move on."

Now this the shit I don't get... so your husband, of FIVE years who you just had a son by and you are in a GOOD place... you accept his choices... WHY on earth are you still reaching out to Alicia Keys? Is she not supposed to be happy she's in love/engaged/pregnant? Is she not supposed to talk about her happiness? What explanation or apology or "concern" does she owe you? Like Judge Judy say, she didn't take your vows with you (IF this alleged affair really did take place) HE did.

It's easy to tell the (other) woman, in a nutshell, "yeah um, we still together and happy..... he still come see me, visit me, with me, sleeps with me..... we gettin back together... you're just a side piece... you this or you that..." but most of these scorned wives generally know the score but are gonna tell the other woman whatever she needs to in attempts, to rattle thangs up. Get under the (other) hers skin.

"My concern with AK is no longer the fact that she assisted in destroying a family but that she has the audacity to make these selfish comments about love and wanting to be with someone, even after knowing their situation."

We really don't know WHAT she knew if you really wanna get down to it. For all we know, Alicia Keys could have found out ex-wifey was pregnant via a text sent to Swizz when Keys was on her way out of town/the country. She probably confronted him about it because he didn't mention it and started to do the math and figured in order for her to be pregnant, that would mean they were sleeping together more recently than what Swizz originally told her and now she's a victim of circumstance cause she's head over heels for him and sometimes it's not that easy to walk away from love especially with him saying he still wants to be with her. (This is all hypothetical... I think.) Further, she can't "assist" in destroying a family that was already destroyed. I refuse to believe people walk away from perfectly happy marriages. When it's a well-known fact that MOST people cheat because of some void they feel at home. I just can't see them not having a conversation or three about issues in their marriage.

I'm not judging you, I put you and the whole situation in the hands of God, the Higher Power.

Why do people DO that?! We're all in God's hands way before any transgression. Like we each have some super powers that put our issue in front of the BILLIONS Jehovah has to deal with on a daily basis... always talking God's hands and Karma and all that... when your religion probably doesn't even believe in Karma! Cut that out people!

According to Swizz, in an article on Zimbio, they'd been separated 10 months... how stories can conflict, hunh?

NOW, in NO way am I condoning extramarital affairs. Should I ever find some unsuspecting fool to marry me it is my largest concern cause I truly think men create their own problems with the emotional connections they keep. Setting themselves up for FAILURE. The flesh is weak and as we remember from my last post, the mind controls the body. We already know more than half of marriages fail... we just all go into 'em hoping we'll be apart of the minority.

Mostly, the cataclyst for this blog? I just want people to start taking responsibility for their own shit. No one can destroy your marriage/relationship. We do that on our own. No one can "take" your lover... your lover willingly goes. No one OWES you any sort of respect, concern, or discussion... so just be happy when you get it.

I said I would be continuing to support her career. Nobody wants to look at that sh--. They wanna look at 'Alicia Keys.' That sh-- is ignorant." ~Swizz Beatz

Exactly.. if you gonna look at anybody... look at Swizz! LOL ... but no, forreal.

ONLY Swizz and Alicia know what they were really doing or — for THAT matter — what Swizz was really telling her while they were doing what they were doing, because they can concoct some very elaborate stories, can't they?

All that being said, I hope Alicia watches herself. She may wake up a couple years later with a beautiful seed, finding that her hubz still holds a closer relationship to his ex than she thinks. Scorned wives have a way of trolling their ex's new relationship and just staying on top of it. Because they WANT that relationship to fail. They want someone (specifically her) to experience what they did, even if they SAY they don't. So be leery, girl, of her sending old pics, texting about the good times, pictures of body parts, inappropriate conversations nothing to do with the child, asking him to get her a new wardrobe, hair done, shoes (and not with alimony or child support but out of YA'LLs money) and him ACTUALLY DOING IT, referencing their marriage CONSTANTLY, reliving the engagement and when he bought the ring, all the "remember when?s" and possibly taking your child out with theirs behind your back like THEY'RE a family! Like Sunshine Anderson said, "I heard it ALL before!"

My Soror constanly uses the phrase: "The way you get him is the way you gone lose him."
Sometimes we don't realize how we got 'em.... you just a victim of circumstance. On to the next one...

Sources: maniestopart2.com, thehoodtime.com, dailymail.co.uk, vibe.com, zimbio.com

"Just as a steering wheel controls the direction of a car and a rudder controls the direction of a ship, the mind controls the body." Awake! April 2010 Article: What Makes Us Good and Evil

I am a very passionate person. I act on impulse... let my heart make a lot of decisions my head might normally not. I often think it's what makes me so awesome and others I think it will be my ultimate issue for... well, ever. My constant walk toward deeper spirituality, a closer relationship with God, and baptism has me really thinking about future and I was wondering at what point do I trust my mind over my heart? Or do I always just trust in God? And know that he'll make a way? Wouldn't you have to have like common sense though... What's that old saying... "God only protects fools and babies?" Well, I'm no baby!

I guess I've just got a lot on my mind. There's so much involved in being an adult. Unlike when we were teens we can't just worry all day about our nothing and what we'll do from day-to-day, but now we have bills, children and spouses to take care of; mortgages to pay; car notes and the like... I prayed about my job and all the change that was taking place and made (what I believe to be) a great decision about switching offices and I am happy with it... there's been a lot of talk of marriage in my life... I've thought since I was a little girl (even though I'd since let go of that dream) of the kinda wife I would be... and the marriage I would be in... the person who that would be... and so much has happened... so.very.much... that has tainted my image of "happily ever after," ruined my positivity, taken stabs at my esteem... so now I am in a new place. A place that won't allow myself to be anybody's second choice... won't settle for less than all of him, won't take your sh*t just to say I'm in a relationship.... I'm a good person who's made some mistakes. And I'm not ashamed of it. I am loyal until the end but will act out when I feel disrespected. I know where I want to be... and am willing to work together to get there. Dammit, I'm the best at all I do... I deserve the best. And I'm going to get it. I have faith.