Perfect Timing

"If we wait for the moment when everything, absolutely everything, is right we shall never begin." ~Iva Turgenev

My biggest fear about dying, is wishing I had more time. Because we never know when death will come knocking but we KNOW it's gonna come (damn that Adam!) it's important to live every day to the fullest. But everybody SAYS that, but rarely do. I try not to spend a lot of time mad... or go to bed mad, what if I don't wake up? It's very important to me to leave this world making my presence felt and living my most content... this blog has a few variables... stay with me.

I reconnected with an old school buddy on Facebook who got engaged last year. I recently asked her how the wedding planning was going and when was the big day. She proceeded to tell me that they'd decided to postpone the wedding until 2012 (!) because she wanted it to be "right." I listened to her story and took it all in, but how much ownness do we put on the things that really don't matter.... really? I mean, I realize I'm not the typical girl. I haven't been thinking of my "dream wedding" since I was 9 and I'm more of a simple elegance ring or precious stone centered kinda girl than big, flashy "look at me!" rings. I'd much rather a small intimate location wedding with our closest family and friends that some big to do... I often think people use money and "getting it right" with apprehension because "It don't take a whole day to recognize sunshine." You either want to be married soon or you don't. She'd talked about their children a lot saying she'd been going to church and really wanted their family to be recognized by God, yet her wedding is more important than that.

Given the dreams I've been having lately, I am pretty sure whenever I find some unsuspecting fool to marry me, my wedding will be great in it's own right. A special day for US and no one else. Because when it really gets down to it, the wedding (with all the money that goes into it) is becoming more and more about the guests than the bride and groom. I went to an old friend's wedding a few weeks back... beautiful Michigan Ave set up.. it was AWESOME... but I know also that my friend (the groom) was spending a LOT of money to make sure guests thought it was awesome. I am just praying there's no wedding bill... we guests ate, drank well and the NEWLYWEDS are stuck with the bill... just doesn't make much sense to me. I think the whole reasoning and importance of weddings (marriage) are getting diluted with unimportant fears, insecurities and preconceived notions and images people want to maintain. When did it stop being about God? And love? And stuff? Why do people make up so many excuses to NOT officialize their love? When will it EVER really be the right time? Furthermore, we don't even know if we will be AROUND in 2012... I'd rather love you in holy matrimony now and be good in HIS eyes than risk it. But what do I know... I'm just a "single" girl in a big city.

Speaking of single girls... an old friend Facebooked me last week. This friend and I stopped talkin back in late 2008 / early 2009... and I don't know why... exactly. There was never any discussion or separation of things... she just one day wasn't returning my calls or messages. I'd even resorted to MySpace messaging her when I called her to congratulate her on her graduation and never heard anything but she sent me a MYSPACE message saying thank you. I'd discussed how to approach this friend with a few people in my circle... but never was able to place the solution. So it was surprising to see her pop back up in my Facebook messages.

Our conversation was fluid... as our friendship once had been but all I kept thinking about was why she walked away from our friendship in the first place. What'd I done so badly that constituted an abrupt cease and dismissal like I never existed... what sparked me in her memory? Pics of us in New Orleans for spring break. Do we all have those moments? Those... I miss this person moments... and at what point do we look into them or keep them on the shelf.

There's this old saying, that "People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Once you figure out which it is, you will know exactly what to do." I totally believe that. We're supposed to get together for lunch/dinner sometime in October... if it never happens I can at least NOW be content on knowing that I tried my best... I made an impact... and in the end, that's what matters...

It's never gonna be the right time to do what we must or need to do... just do it, trusting and knowing that it will be just as it should. I'm not waiting for the right time anymore... I'm going to take chances and continue to be happy.

I love my life... and each person in it. Let's just do it already...