Disturbing Behavior

So my friends have been coming out the woodworks wid men issues the past two weeks... and I've even had my own. All of which spawned me to think about the morality in dating and love for a few days and I was conflicted on how to get this post jumpin... there were so many issues I wanted to cover and then realized I was getting redundant. So I have tried to make myself more concise, and sum up the major bullet points that were my hodgepodge of thoughts.


"How can I really love you, if I don't trust you?"

I have always been a flirt... sometimes I think it's in my DNA. But I do it subconsciously most of the time (unless I am trying to get drinks for the whole table of married/taken women out of some unsuspecting young man at a club or lounge) and it is usually harmless and done in jest. I try to be more conscious of it when I am in a relationship because I don't want to be misread. Luckily for me tho, guys don't think that much into it, so if a woman is flirting with them, but then later doesn't give them the time of day, he shrugs it off and forgets about her... generally.

Women are usually not one in the same... especially if that woman is single. If you, a man, flirt with her, and you're attractive to her, I guarantee you on some level she's going to want to wonder what it might be like to be with you rather on an emotional or sexual level... and do (in many cases) whatever she must to continue that interest... whether you are taken or not. Because a majority of them are scandalous every woman likes to feel wanted. Point blank period. And if she is in a relationship where her current isn't often telling her how much he appreciates her, her body, her humor, her scent, her beauty and this random handsome over here will... she's more susceptible to listen. And this is how cheating ensues. And listen carefully when I say, cheating does not always have to be sexual in nature. It is also emotional. Carrying on conversations (verbal, textual, written) that you know your spouse or significant other would hang you over is rude and unacceptable. For it is that emotional connection that binds us first, and then we want to see what that do in bed. I'm not saying it's right... I'm just saying it is what it is. Don't shoot the messenger it is the truth. It is also important to add here that if you are in a relationship and the person you're flirting wid knows you're spoken for but still chumming it up it GENERALLY makes them wonder about your moral code... but not for long cause we as humans, are always, always gonna do what we want to do and what makes us feel good.

Then when all this occurs, someone has cheated... the trust is broken at that very moment it's brought to light. (And all things done in the dark will come to light.) It's very hard to come back from that. For me, trust is not given right off the bat -- several of my homegirls disagree wid this approach, but the way I feel is I can't trust someone I don't know... that's like trusting the dude walkin next to you, not knowin if he's a pickpocket, a rapist or otherwise... I'm not sayin I be on the defensive wid every guy I meet, but I ain't gwan let him hold my pocketbook. Seen? So when I finally do entrust my heart into you and accept you as my King, I expect you to act accordingly and I therefore trust you until you give me a reason not to. But what happens when someone puts him or herself in a position to be human and make mistakes... is there amnesty for that? Unfortunately it's hard to get trust back ... sometimes it's impossible... especially if your behavior and attitude don't change. And it's damn hard to love someone you don't trust... which is why I always sever ties... why make things difficult for both of us.

*authors note: I would probably be willing to consider counseling if I were married and if the other person were willing... notice how I know it would him who cheated. I don't put myself in compromising positions to cheat. Take note.


I love you... but I'm not IN love wid you
OK, seriously man... wtf? How have we been dating for months, damn near living together, blending families and you're not "in love?" I'll kill you... to my homie girl, choke.him.out. That is all.

I want to marry you, eventually
I think of Steve Harvey who is constantly yelling at women in that loud southern drawl that men don't need forever to know they want you as their wife and that money matters are generally a cop out. While I do respect the gangster of a man who can share a household, often a child(ren) and debt with a woman without a marriage certificate but hasn't popped the question, I do it not for the reasons you think I might. I only respect it, because that's Jah's way of telling that woman to get the hell out. "So let me get this straight... we married, everywhere but on paper... you want me to cosign for a car, but can't solidify this before God and a hundred of our closest friends and family?" Kill yaself. lol

Relationships are not a 70/30 split
The other day I bought dinner for my potential king and I... while I was out picking up dinner, he washed my dishes. I couldn't help but smile at the flash forward of making sure to always play your role. It made me think how nice it could be as an Us...

It's good to find a man who understands the importance of compromise. And before you yell, talkin bout "RBG, those men don't exist dammit!" Allow me to tell you that they DO, but just are few and far between. Not only are they out there, but they looking for you too. Sometimes they come in a different shell than your fairytale made them appear, but all the important components (honest, loving, sentimental, romantic... all that girly shit you care about) are there. You just have to look deep within his eyes.

Never make someone your priority when you're only an option to them
I cried and cried... and cried when I left my last relationship. Wondering why I couldn't be everything he needed... Bawling bout how I gave him my all... till one day my homeboy said... "well, why on earth would you do that, dear, when he wasn't giving you all of him? Never make someone priority when you're only an option to him. I taught you better" And I dried my eyes and began healing.

As women, it's second nature to give all of ourselves in a relationship but we never really figure out the cost:benefit ratio. I will put as much as I am giving into a relationship, so it's important to give the very best of you and I will reciprocate accordingly.

It is only when we learn to notice and combat these disturbing behaviors that we will truly have successful relationships, marriages, families... I refuse to believe Ossie and Ruby made it as far as they did not understanding the basic principles on preserving black love. I can't wait to see what their book teaches me. Thanks, birthday fairy.

Hmph.

It's not over until you've dotted all the i's and crossed all the t's. Be thorough, detailed and efficient in your actions.

Asshole... in love.

Yesterday while browsing the web, I got an email from a familiar address. It was a name I hadn't thought about in a long time. Which made me go directly to the source: the blog. And I scrolled back in time to practically four years ago this time of year. I lived in Michigan, was single, ready to mingle, no Sun, my own place in Lake of the Woods, working for a University, happy wid all life afforded me... (fast forward to now and I find myself still all most of all those things, except my job location and living quarters have changed ... and of course, I am Mother to the The Sun).

In January of 2005... actually a bit before that, I started casually dating a male friend of mine who lived here back in Chicago, while I lived near Detroit. A great guy. Funny. Conscious. Sports-loving, a great kisser and just an all-around nice person. He would do anything for me, including celebrate my 25th birthday wid me, call to check on me long-distance when I was sickly, take the drive to visit me in the dead of a Midwest winter, worry all night when I had an accident that totaled my whip... from which, by the grace of Jah, I walked away from. He wanted, requested more of me... that I wasn't prepared to give him long distance... or possibly -- now that I think about it -- at all. But what I did do, was get with someone closer to me at the time who I was fallin head over heels for, who ultimately tried to break my heart. I say "tried" because I boned out before he had a chance. This was a pattern, generally, wid me... that I look over a seemingly great guy for some random, probably often terrible, reason to go on to a jerk who doesn't know when Queen sits before him. I admit it, I stand before my Creator ready for his tongue-lashing. And respect it, if I've already missed my husband. I am happy to say now, at least, that wid my sun as the guiding presence in my life, I make decisions in love now based on the reason and logic and not solely on the heart (cause she too emotional) and definitely not the frivolous or shallow.



After all, I was never really honest with that friend. And he's still my friend today... and I never really gave him the real reason... and he knows it. It was scattered through those hurt blogs from a lifetime ago... wondering what he did, why I didn't want him... I never told him because he is my friend and I didn't want to hurt his feelings anymore than I already had. I've broken three hearts (maybe four) in life (that I know about) and every time, I wish I could have done something differently.. but I can't regret the time, because I live widout regrets so long as I learned something from the lesson. It does not feel good to have a heart broken, I know first hand... and I apologize immensely to each of them for my bullshit then.

I think about the men I hurt a lot... wondering if I've tarnished them for their real queens or if their real queen was me... in their minds. I asked my friend if he thought he would get married. To which he replied: "Maybe 1 day.. It will take someone else special, though. My door is partially closed." To which, I felt like shit. I think about the men I hurt a lot... tossing him to the side because we lacked the chemistry in bed a spit-fire like me desires... versus possibly talking to him... seeing if we could find a middle ground. I'm creative, perhaps he woulda been too?

I think about the men I hurt a lot... wondering if he will ever own up to his own shit, and stop blaming me or accusing me of not being there... when I was there for ten months being supportive, loving and patient. But left when his inability to see what I was doing widout acknowledgment.

I think about the men I hurt a lot... who wanted me to "submit" to him but was not being the King a Queen should submit to. Short attention span to the Queen, workaholic, etc.

I think about the man I am hurting... a lot. It's not intentional, but I think we both know we are too combative... and there's no way to really compromise and be together, successfully, without one of us NOT being who we REALLY are. And that the concept of boyfriend irks me right now... I don't want to be an asshole no more... in love. I just want to maintain friendships wid these people I garnered so much respect for. You bring hours of great sex (or minutes of terrible sex, or less than average penis size) or love conversations, or rules and regulations into the mix and things.just.change. I'm tired of shit changing.

I apologize from the bottom of my heart to the men I've hurt... but I swear, I'm not gonna hurt anybody else, any more. I am done being an asshole... in love.

Give Us This Day... Our Daily Bread

Today was a monumental day... too big for words just filled with emotion. I wish my father were here... my father who died on the birthday of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. ... Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. who died on the birthday of my father... I know you both would be proud today. I cherish this day, for ya'll.

He takes the Oath




Five days after MLK's born day legacy we induct the next best hope of a man who will lead us into the next level of change. Mr. President Barack H. Obama... we love you. Love you for being so bold and brave and honorable to carry the weight of the people on your back... the nation on your shoulders all the while, showing us that the Black Family is real, possible and peace.

March on Washington...

Inauguration 2009...


Thank you so much, for taking the oath to SAVE our country. We believe in you and will take your charges... Joe Biden, you pretty damn cool too, it seems. :)

Love Worldwide... Kenya celebrates...


The first daughters looking like their dad and mom, respectively...


Vice Pres and his first lady


What Would MLK do?


Tomorrow the work begins... WE BELIEVE IN YOU... Thank you, God, for sending him to us... finally. Barack Hussein Obama, we support, love and cherish our country, your vision ... and you.

I'm not scared... but...

I heard it on Sirius XM in my whip on Tuesday morning...
Tuesday afternoon, I immediately had to cop it on iTunes and had to play it loudly...
Because it is so so so so me.
I won't give up on love... I can't but even if it keeps smackin me dead across the face.. I gotta keep trying. I will fail, stumble, fall... but must keep it moving forward... no more looking back.

I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears (no I'm not)
But I'm scared of (loving you)
I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair (that's right)
But I'm scared of (loving you)
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task
Why it don't last? Is that too much to ask?
Why do we love Love,
When Love seems to hate us?

Sorry if I sound so filled with gloom.
You say you care, and I know you do...
But this is from my experience
And my conclusion only makes sense.
Just cause I love you, and you love me
It doesn't mean that we're meant to be.
I can climb mountains, swim cross the seas
But the most frightening thing is you and me.

I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears (no I'm not)
But I'm scared of (loving you)
I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair (that's right)
But I'm scared of (loving you)
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task
Why it don't last? Is that too much to ask?
Why do we love Love,
When Love seems to hate us?

Most circumstances, I know my fate
But in this love thang, I don't get the game.
Why does it feel like those who give in,
They only wind up losing a friend.
Just cause I love you and you love me,
It doesn't mean that we'll ever be.
Fly cross the ocean, sing for the queen
But the most frightening thing is you and me.

I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears (no I'm not)
But I'm scared of (loving you)
I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair (that's right)
But I'm scared of (loving you)
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task
Why it don't last? Is that too much to ask?
Why do we love Love,
When Love seems to hate us?

I'm sure though I'm not sure
But if we never try, We'll never know
It's better to have loved then not to loved at all.
Not trying is worse than to stumble and fall
And if we do, I'd rather it be with you
Cause at least there will be sweet memories.
Oh I'm not scared...

I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears (no I'm not)
But I'm scared of (loving you)
I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair (that's right)
But I'm scared of (loving you)
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task
Why it don't last? Is that too much to ask?
Why do we love Love,
When Love seems to hate us?
~ Jazmine Sullivan
Lions, Tigers and Bears
Album: Fearless... cop it.

... Pawed feet ... all over my heart...

Happy Founder's Day, Dearest & Sincerest

"Allll of my love and peace and happiness... I'm gonna give it to ZETA!"

I truly love my Z-Phi! It was a long and hard road to obtain you, but once I had you, I swore I would never lose you. And I haven't. I will never misplace or displace you because you helped me seal in my security, cement my identity, and give me that extra push to remember that nothing, absolutely nothing, is impossible... unless you give up on it.

I sought you out and knew I could love you in 1999... at a tender 19, I met N. Calhoun in my T/TH literature class. She would walk in so cool... like nothing else mattered. And I would watch her, "girl crushing" all the way to her seat everyday until the day she walked in with those beautiful three letters brazened across her chest. Z Φ B....

Was it coincidence that after studying the history of all four sororal organizations in the Divine 9 that I decided I wanted to pledge Zeta that she walked in with that crispy Blu sweater? Couldn't be. After I had been to each informational and/or after having a discussion with a lady that represented each particular organization well on campus...

Then a cold day of that same semester, my Jah sister called with great news from Virginia... "I just crossed sands... into Zeta Land!".... OK, Jah, I will take heed.

The road is looong, searching for Phi Beta... the road is tough, to Zeta Land.

Filled wid every emotion I can think of ... and drama surely (I mean even a small group of females comes with drama, so what you think an organization of 'em can do?! lol) but through it all, the race was not given to the quick and the strong but the tried and true Soror, who endures to the end.

To my Dean Strictly Business: Thank you for looking me in my eyes and saying: "This will not be easy... you will sweat, you will cry... but when all is said and done... you will thank me and garner respect from every Zeta you meet." I now know, whole heartedly what you meant... you're the greatest Life Member I know... you bleed blue, cry white and exemplify Finer Womanhood in everything you do.

To my AD Paranoia (and eventually my Pers): You saved my line. I know I joke about it with you all the time. But the crossing gift we presented you... a lifesaver is so sincere. You taught us things in set that helped us endure... when we would have failed so miserably when we went in front of the... others. You represent everything conscious and real to me. A real finer woman, who I am thankful to have SO MUCH in common with that we often think the same thoughts. Thanks for teaching us how to make set... less painful lol and being a true friend and sister to me!

To My Sands... we been through some ups and downs, but in the end you are my tail for life... my back... my Sands. And I know if Jah is willing one day we'll be sitting Indian style in my front room again, rehashing old stories, crying over lost time and smiling at what we accomplished five years ago this April, a lifetime ago when we legacy your daughters.

I love each of you... even when we are very far away.

And to all the Sorors I've loved, cried with, disliked before... whether financial, life member, "renegade," getting your money right to reclaim or sick of the administration (Americans didn't leave the country cause they didn't like the president... you have to stick and maintain even in the time of adversity) I love you too much to ever leave your side. To US, today, tomorrow and everyday here after:

HAPPY FOUNDERS DAY! 89 YEARS AND STILL PURRRRRFECT!

First Round Draft Pick

I was talkin to a new acquaintance and possibly future business associate and he was telling me he had been married several times and now on his current wife he had something he didn't have with one through three: the fact in knowing she had not been married before and that he was her first choice. When all his other wives had been married before.

I think about this now after being the recent drive-by of a "not for you" message. You ever gotten one of those? I am sure you have. Where you were chatting / texting / emailing wid someone and they send you a message meant for someone else. Sometimes they are funny, sometimes sad, sometimes unusual and senseless and sometimesthey hurt your feelings.

Ever heard the song "Your Letter" by 112? (Aw, I miss 112.) The song is all about finding a letter his lover wrote and all the sweet shit his girl was saying to him and after clever repartee and beautiful hooks and stuff it turns out that letter ain't talkin bout him worth a damn!

I need to preface this next statement by saying I'm really not an arrogant person... a little confident at times, sure, but arrogant by no means. I consider myself a first-round draft pick. But when I think about the men I loved most in this world, there's a pattern: a previous wife, an inability to let go of the past and put me first.

I could go on into a big, jumbled negative ramble about countless examples, but I will simply say: I am done taking shorts in 2009. Draft me first or regret it after you see what I do my rookie year and the rest of my pro career.

What a Difference a Bookcase Makes...

So since getting back to Chicago three years ago, I had removed my bookcase from my tiny first one-bedroom studio to make room for my then boyfriend and later our child. Three people (well, two and a quarter) in a one-bedroom studio is not comfortable or sexy but it was what we could do at the time. I moved out my cheap little $30 bookcase when I had the bright idea to move the bookcase still loaded. The result was a wobbly mess of a cheap $30 little bookcase. Since I needed to make room for the addition, anyway, off to storage my books went. Then when we finally got a bigger place, I never got a new bookcase to replace it b/c I didn't see us being there long... I was correct.

Now that I am in a much more spacious home -- my house (hooray!) a dear friend got me a bookcase for Christmas/housewarming present to match my lovely new desk I inherited from a guy who worked in another suite at my old job and it is just LOVELY how my office turned out. I loaded my bookcase last night and I realized I have a really good selection of reads. So many in fact that I haven't had a chance to read them all, and haven't even cracked the spine on a few of them (The Bluest Eye, Mis-Education of The Negro) in far too long.

I even found my Sacred Woman and ZPB Handbook that I was sure I lost in a robbery of my back porch early last year. I thought they were both in a messenger bag I carried at the time. I am glad to know that they were not. The first ones I pulled from the shelf to kick off my 2009 reading kick are as follows:

1. Get a Freelance Life:
With the demise of that position I mentioned earlier coming to an end sooner than expected, I am left with plenty free time to really assess what it is I want to do with the next step in my professional life. With some money in the bank as a cushion, I am starting to think it would really be a good idea to finally, really consider being my own boss in a lot of ways which would free up my schedule to be Mommy a lot more frequently than after a 9-to-5 and on the weekends. If I could ignite a freelance career, that along with the occasional contract consulting gig, personal training and exercise instructing could be a very flexible schedule and more than steady source of income. Perhaps now is the time, to make it the time. I would then also have time to volunteer and give back to my community via my sorority and other organizations I believe in.

2. Beautylicious! The Black Girl's Guide to the Fabulous Life
I actually completed this book back when I bought it in, I want to say, 2005. But I didn't retain much of it apparently because I could have sworn it gave me pointers on how to get some money in the bank and I JUST caught on. So this could use a refresher course. It also included some stuff on how to "ball on a budget" (my words, not the book) which I could truly use now as a mommy on a stricter budget than when I was a single girl. I was just telling my Soror how I hadn't shopped for pretty panties in so long I couldn't remember the last time I bought a nice bra... or hell, for that matter, anything hosiery or clothes for myself. The Sun rose and it's been all about him, since. So this is going to help me put some things into perspective to regain my Fabulosity (Thanks Kimora for the term!).

3. Heal Thyself Natural Living Cookbook:
A lot of people don't know this about me, but I was completely vegetarian (NO MEAT whatsoever for about a year and a half) then I moved to fish only in 2006 when I moved back to Chicago. Then I got back with my first love and it was, literally, all down hill from there. I am starting a detox on my birthday (tomorrow) to rid myself of a lot of toxins I've built up over the years. Not in the sense of a normal detox though, I don't want to shock my body too much by doing something as drastic as the Master Cleanse right off the bat, but I do want to eat smaller portions of better for me foods and drink plenty water and fresh juice (I also found my juice recipes book that came with my juicer that's been packed away for three years as well.... my Jah, wtf happened to the girl I was and why did it take me leaving the man I loved for me to find her... why can't I be who I am all the time with whom I love? He's supposed to make me better, not... different. I digress. This is a whole OTHER blog post for a different day... or no day at all. Positivity and light are back in my life and they will remain. Be-leave that.)

I have always been a read one book at a time kinda pimp... but that only applied to my fiction. In the spirit of going back to school (I was considering searching for an MBA program but the Gypsy part of me thinks I really do need to consider this freestyle life, in a serious, non "sure, I guess I can do that" kinda way) I will read these three consecutively since in a roundabout way, they are all synced to how I want my life to begin transforming, hell regressing, if you will. It's freestyle, but it still ain't gonna happen without putting in some work, time and research. And Jah... His help is always nice and necessary too.



See... it really IS immaculately stocked with some fine reads and references. Gosh, I just love it! And how cool is my tall Senagalese (I've decided she is from Senegal) woman sitting atop of it? Making me (the Zeta statue) look all shawt hahaha...

Though the Weather Outside is Frightful...

The Sun is soooo delightful. And since we like to play on the goooo... let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

Tell Me Baby, Can You Stand The Rain?

So, I got this "random 16" thing from a Frat Brother of mine on Facebook that I still have yet to do. I love things like that, email surveys and the like, but because the random things about you always take so long, I just haven't found a minute in my day to do so, but I will. In the meantime, a friend of mine and I got into an email discussion about what we may not like about a possible significant other. Like, when you know you're very compatible with someone but you haven't had time to figure out what you might not like about the person. Or haven't had the opportunity: say if you're in a long distance relationship and only get to see that person in his/her regular form for small amounts of time a month/year versus 24/7 In-yo-face action.

So then, my mind, as crazy and random as she is said, "well, what if I joined those two things together? That could be an interesting blog post." So here it is! lol

13 Random Things About How I am In Relationships. Take it or Leave It:

1. Prior to being in a relationship (exclusively) I still only sleep with one man at a time. I have always done this except ONCE in my life and I felt icky afterwards, I'll never do it again. I would like to be the only person he is sleeping with as well, and if I'm not, I need to know.
   
2. I have no problem initiating sex, but I can't always be the one to do so... everyone loves to feel wanted and when I am in a couple (hell, in life) I need to feel like the sexiest bitch in the world... how can I if my man doesn't tell me and pounce on me often?
3. I think it's sexy when a man cries, shows emotion but not be a cry baby. The sexiest thing is when he has the delicate balance of both man and sensitive. To the same effect, if I have to fight his emotions out of him, it's not going to work in the long run.
4. I think the top three things that make up a good relationship are a healthy sexual appetite, trust & honesty, and compromise. In that order. All others can be worked out.
5. It's just as hard for me (women) to be faithful, if we set on the course for exclusivity, monogamous is necessary (it's too scary out there not to be). We will have to do a lot to keep things fresh so that we never wonder what's going on outside our bed/hearts.
6. I loathe routine. While I do understand it's necessary in life, I try to keep it out of my relationship unless it has something to do with making the relationship cool and awesome (i.e., date night, shared chores, making his lunch) but I rather keep things fresh say with random "I love you, guess what I'm gonna do to you later" notes in his lunchbox or a note on our bathroom mirror just telling him how great he is to me, getting random "just because" bouquets to my job etc.)
7. There will always be outside influences in a relationship... an ex, random stranger who is too chatty when you have a girls/guys night out... it's important to remember the source. Have fun, but don't be inappropriate and definitely DON'T bring it home. (I will gladly explain this in detail to whomever does not understand if you still don't understand after #8. In the same breath, if you are a man and don't understand, you prolly never will lol)
   
8. I often gauge my activity on what I do/say on how I think that person would react and how I would feel if he did it to me. If I know I would be PISSED if he engaged in this kinda activity, I avoid it. I expect the same in return.
   
9. I love kissing... passionately. Be prepared to kiss a lot... in bed, during sex, to say good bye, to say hello... yep, kissing is the shit. I love it so much that it would be fair to say I reserve kissing only for someone I am serious about.
   
10. I am not really a morning person... it takes me a lil minute to get awake and lively. Do not take it personally.
11. I am a very free spirit and I like to do a lot of "odd" things like go to the park and ride a bike, go rollerskating, have a picnic, go to festivals, eat/cook different foods (DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT DATE/MARRY ME IF YOU ONLY LIKE TO EAT FRIED CHICKEN, STEAK AND POTATOES... WE WILL NOT WORK OUT), go to poetry nights, museums and the like. You won't know if you like these things unless you go with me, eat the food.
    
12. I am quite the guy, I totally believe in football Sundays, hosting fight and Super Bowl parties and watching ESPN with a beer... I'm not a fan of baseball but I am open to doing the things you like without complaint. You should be willing to do the same for me. For things I like to do, see #11. In the same breath, I understand men need MEN TIME... and I don't expect to go with or sit up under you every time you do these things, unless you want me to. It's not your fault I am a beautiful tomboy.
    
13. I just figured out life is NOT like the movies (especially not Tyler Perry's) OR The Cosby Show... there will be sometimes where I will need to be reminded, just do it gently and in a way where I won't cuss you out.
    

I'm sure there are more... but there's lucky 13.

Have you laid out your blue print?

It really is because of you...

When I was in undergrad, the Sorority I loved and now am a part of was inactive on campus. There were a few of them there but not anyone I wanted to really hang with... it was their counterpart, the men of Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Inc. who kept me engaged in the Blue & White Family. And since then, I have always been grateful to them and loved them for their candor for taking me in as their sister anyway... and believing I would make it one day.

Luckily, in 2004, I found a wonderful chapter who was willing to bring me into the fold and I made it official.

Today, Phi Beta Sigma celebrates 95 years of life... and I recognize them today and everyday, as my brothers, the men who served as my inspiration to keep striving for Zeta, who I love whole-heartedly, with all my soul. So, today, I publicly thank you Phi Beta Sigma and all the members I've ran across and bonded with along the way, and wish you a Happy 95th Founder's Day.

Man, I really love ya'll... D, L, J, R, S, C...ya'll my heart. Thank you for representing Phi Beta so well and loving it so tenderly... and loving your Soror... making me believe till the end in this constitution.

Z-PHI! BLU PHI! SO SWEET! YOU KNOW!

I love you... but I can't be with you.

To all the men I've loved before... and can be with never more.

Forever

I love you today and
I will love you tomorrow

Just some words
To clear the sorrow

That will never
Leave my heart or yours

From this day forward
You are so special to me

I love you
With all my heart

Always have
And always will

From family and friends
That never end

You will always be with me
As I will always be with you

Until we cross the gates of heaven
There we will always be

Together until the end
© By LINDA K. RUPPENTHAL